Bud Townsend, 1976
Starring: Kristine DeBell, Ron Nelson, Larry Gelman, Bradford Armdexter
“Who do I have to fuck to get out of this movie?”
Less than a hardcore porn film, but somewhat more than a sexploitation movie, this sort of faithful version of Alice in Wonderland contains graphic sex scenes, comedy, and a number of elaborate musical and dance numbers. Yes, if you had not heard of this before, it is a musical, pornographic version of Alice in Wonderland.
The virginal Alice angers her boyfriend when she keeps rejecting his advances. She realizes that she might have a little growing up to do and falls asleep reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. A white rabbit guides her through wonderland, full of woodland creatures, fantasy, music, and sex. If you’ve read Lewis Carroll’s original story or seen the Disney movie (or another one of the many adaptations), this is very easy to follow and sticks relatively close to the original story, but with many surreal and totally not family-friendly surprises.
The white rabbit fortunately doesn’t engage in any sex acts, but there are a number of other Carroll characters that do. The woodland creatures fish Alice out of the water and lick her dry, putting their tongues in a number of places she doesn’t expect. Humpty Dumpty, who has fallen off a large wall, is unable to get an erection until Alice administers to him. Tweedledee and Tweedledum are male and female twins who can’t stop having sex with each other. The Mad Hatter encourages Alice to give him oral sex at his tea party and she gets caught having a tryst with the King of Hearts. The enraged Queen of Hearts declares that Alice must give her head in retribution and there is a trial to decide whether or not she is guilty. After this excitement, she decides she is ready to go back to her boyfriend and finally have sex with him.
Playboy model Kristine DeBell stars as Alice. She’s not the greatest actress, but she brings a genuine charm to the role. She went on to appear in Meatballs, BJ and the Bear, Nightcourt, etc. I can’t imagine making a film today that requires actors to act, sing, dance, and have sex, but director Bud Townsend certainly made it happen. Though the costumes are rather silly and a lot of the dance numbers are sloppy, there is a genuine enthusiasm and tongue in cheek approach to the film that makes it well worth viewing. Alice was produced by Bill Osco, also responsible for the sexy version of Flash Gordon, the aptly titled Flesh Gordon.
The real reason to see Alice is because films like this simply don’t exist anymore. It’s undeniably cheesy, occasionally stupid, and has some very low production values, but is still incredibly fun and surreal. Anyone who loves bizarre movies has to see this and fans of musicals owe it to themselves to mix it up a bit and leave Rogers and Hammerstein behind for awhile. There are some serious songs about how Alice knows she has to mature and learn to follow her dreams, but there are also some great numbers like “What’s a Nice Girl Doing on a Knight Like This,” when Alice and co. encounter a knight and his paramour going to town in the middle of the woods.
The sex is more comical than erotic, but it is a little mind blowing to see dancing, stripping nurses trying to “cheer up” Humpty Dumpty and Tweedledee and Tweedledum enthusiastically sixty-nine-ing each other. Alice doesn’t engage in too much sex (apparently a double was used during her only vaginal sex scene at the end of the film) and her scenes are particularly amusing. Make sure to check out the scene where she masturbates on top of a talking rock.
Keep in mind that there are two versions of this film, as it was originally released as a softcore movie. The R-rated softcore version is 78 minutes, while the X-rated version is 81 minutes. Not a whole lot of difference, really. Each version has a bizarre title roll introduction that explains whether or not the hardcore footage is included. Subversive Cinema released a restored DVD that includes both versions, but the uncut film is also available online.