KILLER CROCODILE

Fabrizio De Angelis, 1989

Starring: Richard Anthony Crenna, Sherrie Rose, Van Johnson, Ennio Girolami

I don’t care what it is or how interesting or important it is, but after Killer Crocodile I am not reviewing another Italian animals attack film. With all of the themed months I’ve done for my blog so far, I’ve learned an important lesson. For example, during Bond month I learned that I incorrectly judged Roger Moore. Though he may not be Sean Connery, he is a delightful Bond. During animals attack month, I’ve learned that I passionately hate Italian Jaws rip offs. I like many other genres of cheap Italian exploitation and horror films, but I hate these. Hate them. Last week, the few days I spent reviewing Italian shark films, I nearly lost the will to live.

Killer Crocodile is marginally better, because it involves a crocodile instead of a shark (or a mystery octopus hybrid), but perhaps “marginally” is an exaggeration. This movie is terrible. A group of the most idiotic environmentalist types invade a tropical swamp to investigate a corporation that has been polluting the area with toxic chemicals. They get what they deserve (for their sheer idiocy) and a giant crocodile begins to pick them off one by one. They make this incredibly easy by spending as much time in the swamp as possible and by doing things like leaning out of boats, hanging out within easy reach of the crocodile, and, in case I failed to mention it, by being the most extreme kind of idiots. 

Richard Crenna’s son Richard Anthony Crenna (an extra in The Blob remake and the wonderful Predator 2) stars as Kevin. Though none of the acting or characterizations are good and the dialogue is horrifying, Crenna’s character Kevin has to be the worst thing about this film. He’s simply horrible and must be one of the most unlikable characters ever written. He is initially against the killing of the rampaging, man-eating croc, but because director and screenwriter Fabrizio De Angelis (producer on many of Lucio Fulci’s films) hates his audience, Kevin is the hero. He inexplicably blows up the crocodile with a boat propeller, though that is just one of many ridiculous, illogical elements of the plot.

If anyone should have been the hero it is Joe, played by Ennio Girolami (Nights of Cabiria, Tenebre, 1990: The Bronx Warriors). Joe shoots the crocodile and then harpoons it. When these things are ineffective, he proceeds to jump on the back of the crocodile, ride it, and continue stabbing it with a harpoon. Sadly, he is killed by the crocodile while Kevin looks on like the asshole he is. 

I hate this movie. Many other things about it are lousy. The voiceovers are worse than usual, the camera work is dreadful, they steal the Jaws theme, and, to add insult to injury, I couldn’t even find anything likable about the incredibly fake crocodile. For some reason Killer Crocodile was shot at the same time as its sequel Killer Crocodile 2, which I could not bring myself to watch. Killer Crocodile is not available on region 1 DVD, though I don’t know why you would want to find it at all.