SATANIC PANDEMONIUM

HOUSE OF DRACULA

2012-02-13T15:19:00.001-08:00

Erle C. Kenton, 1945
Starring: Lon Chaney, Jr, John Carradine, Martha O’Driscoll, Lionel Atwill, Onslow Stevens

This weird, campy film should probably be retitled MONSTERPALOOZA, as it’s chock full of classic Universal beasties. And then some. It is actually unrelated to DRACULA or any of its sequels. HOUSE OF DRACULA is really a sequel to HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, which is available in Frankenstein: The Legacy Collection. It concerns the adventures of Dr. Edelman and his encounters with the supernatural.

First, Baron Latos (better known as Dracula aka a dull John Carradine) knocks on his door and begs for help. Ok, he doesn’t really knock. At five in the morning he flies into the good doctor’s house as a bat, transforms and demands to be taken down the basement. The doctor doesn’t believe his supernatural story, but agrees to help him with this “curse.” While he is helping Drac, Curse #2, in the Lon Chaney Jr sized form of Larry Talbot, also demands help for his furry problem. Dr. Edelman agrees to help him too, but is convinced, as he was with Dracula, that Talbot’s ailment has something to do with psychiatry rather than the supernatural.

Eventually the doctor saves Talbot with a medicine made from spores that he has been cultivating to save his beautiful, but unfortunately hunchbacked assistant(?!?). Then Dracula gets out of hand and tries to seduce and transform his other assistant, Miliza. The doctor destroys him almost in time. Though Dracula doesn’t harm anyone, the blood transfusions the doctor has given Dracula have infected the doctor’s blood. But instead of turning into a vampire, he randomly transforms into a cross between mad doctor and murderous ghoul.

Oh, did I mention that earlier in the film they found the undead corpse of Frankenstein’s monster? When the doctor turns all maniacal, he manages to reignite the spark in Frankie’s brain. Can Dr. Edelman survive his mad creation, murderous visions from a dead Dracula, his growing instincts to kill, good Samaritan Larry Talbot and a rampaging mass of angry townspeople? I guess you’re just going to have to watch it to find out.

And if you want to watch it, you’re going to have to buy, borrow or steal Dracula: The Legacy Collection. It also contains DRACULA, the Spanish-language DRACULA, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER and SON OF DRACULA. There are two discs, though one is annoyingly double-sided. There are a fair amount of special features, though they all only deal with the original DRACULA. The inclusion of HOUSE OF DRACULA gives The Legacy Collection the final vote for definitive DRACULA DVD release, in my opinion. Though DRACULA'S DAUGHTER and SON OF DRACULA are available as a single disc double feature, HOUSE OF DRACULA is only available in this collection. It should be campy, bizarre, and entertaining enough to grab your attention for its short, 67 minute run time and comes highly recommended.

SON OF DRACULA

2012-02-13T15:08:00.000-08:00

Robert Siodmak, 1943
Starring: Lon Chaney, Jr, Louise Allbritton, Robert Paige, and Frank Craven

What a bizarre film. The Caldwell sisters, Kay and Claire, await the arrival of Kay’s visitor, Count Alucard, to their plantation home in Louisiana. To put it mildly, Kay is a very strange girl. But not Addams Family strange, creepy strange. She is obsessed with the occult and the supernatural and has apparently brought a gyspy woman back from her travels to Europe, as well as inviting Count Alucard to pay her an extended visit. Though everyone thinks the Count has missed his train and will be late, he has actually arrived on schedule and kills the girls’ father. This is oddly not mentioed or explored. Did Kay intend for this to happen? The will is read and dear old dad has given all the money to Claire, but the house, Dark Oaks, to Kay. Kay begins seeing Alucard in secret, eventually renouncing her long-time fiance Frank and marrying the Count. It seems he has promised her a different kind of life. But Kay has a plan. She admits that she doesn’t love the Count, she merely wants his undead gift. She plans to bestow this on Frank, who she will then spend eternity with. Will Frank go with the plan, kill the Count and receive Kay’s kiss? Will he have a choice in the matter?

Oddly, this film has echoes of DRACULA'S DAUGHTER. Like the vampire Countess Zaleska, Kay is a beautiful, independent and strange female villain. In an odd mirror image of Zaleska, who seeks out normality and humanity, Kay becomes obsessed with the idea of escaping normal life for immortality, despite the risk and cost. Her plan is, actually, quite perverse. She seduces and marries a non-human, lets him kill her and turn her into a member of the undead and then plans to kill him. She is also so convinced she should share this with Frank regardless of his feelings on the matter and regardless of his feelings for her after her apparent betrayal and new betrothal.

Alucard is another bizarre character. He is supposedly foreign, but Lon Chaney Jr could not speak in a more American accent if he tried. He is not sexy or suave and doesn’t even have much dialogue. Most of the time he speaks slowly and politely and seems to be a well mannered man with the barest hint of violence underneath. His relationship with Kay is never explained. It is odd that a human woman should be both the willing victim of a vampire as well as his seducer, betrayer and killer, but SON OF DRACULA just goes for it.

The vampire angle is discovered by, of course, the local doctor, who realizes for some reason that Alucard is Dracula spelled backwards. He calls a Hungarian (yes, in this film the Dracula family is Hungarian) Professor and vampire expert to Louisiana to help with the case. The two men assume/guess/figure out that Alucard is not the original Dracula, but is most likely a descendant. Basically, the Van Helsing role is divided into two men. This film absolutely boggles my mind. I don’t know what the hell the writers were thinking, what Lon Chaney Jr was thinking or if I think it is a truly bad film. The ending is completely unexpected. In fact, while watching SON OF DRACULA, I had no idea what was going to happen next. It was somewhat refreshing. If you have a hard-on for classic monster films, watch it. If not, then I'm not sure why you're reading this blog.

The film is available from Universal as a split-DVD with DRACULA'S DAUGHTER or in the Dracula: The Legacy Collection box set. The set is a must have in any collection and also contains the original DRACULA, the Spanish DRACULA, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER and HOUSE OF DRACULA. There are two discs, though one is annoyingly double-sided. There are a fair amount of special features, though they all only deal with the original DRACULA.

DRACULA'S DAUGHTER

2012-02-13T14:55:00.000-08:00

Lambert Hillyer, 1936
Starring: Gloria Holden, Otto Kruger, Marguerite Churchill, Edward Van Sloan, Gilbert Emery

I find it interesting that both sequels of DRACULA are completely unlike the modern concept of a sequel. Obviously this was not the convention back in the ‘30s and ‘40s, but I wonder why this model never really caught on? Instead of finding some ridiculous way to ressurect Dracula and bring him back for more of the same old action, Universal did something more interesting though not without a fresh set of flaws.

By far, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER is one my all time favorite classic Universal horror films, if not just a favorite film in general. It picks up exactly where DRACULA left off. Two amusing police officers somehow stumble across the mutilated corpses of Renfield and Dracula. They find Van Helsing (Edward Van Sloan, reprising his role from DRACULA) on the scene and arrest him. He hires old friend, former student and famous psychiatrist Jeffrey Garth to represent him. Enter the Countess Marya Zaleska, played by the phenomenal Gloria Holden. Though she is technically the monster of the film, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER takes vampirism somewhere new entirely. Zaleska is apparently desperate to be a normal person, but she suffers from a terrible affliction: a demonic lust for blood that was forced upon her by her father, Dracula. Will she ever beat the thirst and live a normal life? The answer is emphatically no.

There are so many amazing things about this film. The writing and dialogue are much stronger than DRACULA. Zaleska is a real person with horrific problems, not simply a monster with a seemingly motiveless desire for blood. The film also asks a variety of excellent questions. First, it asks the essential question any sequel should ask. How do you live through a horrific (and often supernatual) event, convince yourself you are sane and it is really happening, take violent action to end it and then go back to normal life? It also puts a number of angles on vampirism. For Zaleska it is a physical addiction, a serious psychiatric illness and a Satanic curse all in one. It is also, in some abstract way, the product of domestic abuse. Zaleska talks of her father possessing her mind and spirit, taking her over completely and giving her horrible compulsions. She begs Dr. Garth to fix her by possessing her mind and replacing her father’s thoughts with his own. She lacks her own willpower and personality.

But enough psychobabble. DRACULA'S DAUGHTER is emotionally bleak, full of Gothic atmosphere and melancholy in a way its predecessor never was. Holden is expertly filmed. She looks sad, scary, tortured, beautiful and predatory all at once. Oddly, considering the year, she is allowed to prey upon half naked females and take control of her relationships with successful males. But all you really need to know is that DRACULA'S DAUGHTER is a tremendously filmed, Gothic masterpiece that clearly had an influence over later films in the British and Italian canons, namely a few Barbara Steele films and some efforts from the Hammer House of Horror.

The film is available from Universal as a split-DVD with SON OF DRACULA or in the Dracula: The Legacy Collection box set. The set is a must have in any collection and also contains the original DRACULA, the Spanish DRACULA, SON OF DRACULA and HOUSE OF DRACULA. There are two discs, though one is annoyingly double-sided. There are a fair amount of special features, though they all only deal with the original DRACULA.

DRACULA (Spanish-language, 1931)

2012-02-13T14:27:00.000-08:00

DRACULA
George Melford, 1931
Starring: Carlos Villarias, Lupita Tovar, Barry Norton, Pablo Alvarez Rubio, and Eduardo Arozamena

I wonder how many times in history a film has been simultaneously shot in two languages with two different directors and two sets of actors, but only one set? This alone makes the Spanish-language version of DRACULA an interesting experiment and worthy of at least one careful viewing. Shot at night on the same set as Browning’s DRACULA, the Spanish DRACULA is generally considered to be a sexier and more emotional version of its English language counterpart, supposedly due to its Latin flavor and the advantage of looking at Browning’s film every day. This is an opinion shared by many fans and critics since the film was rediscovered in the ‘70s.

To be honest, I’m not sure if I agree with this. The film is, unavoidably, very similar, so similar that I'm not going to bother providing a synopsis. There is the same plot, almost the same dialogue, the same set and the same cues for the actors. In a way, the fact that this happened at all is kind of astounding. I believe it is a unique experiment in cinema, but undoubtedly suffers from some glaring flaws. While many films have remakes and sequels, DRACULA is one of the few (maybe the only film, I honestly cannot say) to have a second language double.

So how is it actually different? There are four major things. First of all, we have the Count. In her introduction to the film, Lupita Tovar, who plays Eva, the Spanish-language version of Mina, notes how similar Bela Lugosi and Carlos Villarias were. I completely disagree. While they are somewhat alike in appearance, they play completely different Draculas. Villarias has hypnotic, captivating eyes, and he is a much more physically expressive Dracula. So physically expressive, that most of the time it comes across as ridiculous and hammy. One of my favorite scenes is in the beginning when Renfield accidentally cuts himself during dinner. Excited by the sight of blood, Dracula leans in for the kill, but sees the crucifix around Renfield’s neck. Instead of recoiling with a look of demonic terror/fury on his face, he simply looks like he’s eating something that tastes TERRIBLE.

The second difference in DRACULAs is that this physical exaggeration is mirrored by everyone, particularly when it comes to their facial expressions. Sometimes it almost seems like we're watching a pantomime or a silent film, which is likely to be distracting to modern film viewers who have little familiarity with early cinema.

The third, very welcome difference are the sexier costumes and more beautiful women, particularly the gorgeous Lupita Tovar. She is at once alluring and innocent and waves away some of the parlor room dust that settles over the English-language DRACULA. And the final difference, which doesn't seem possible if you watch the original DRACULA first, is that Spanish-language DRACULA has much more exuberant rubber bats. For example, if you were to play a rubbet bat drinking game, I feel certain that it would impossible to get through the entire film without at least a little alcohol poisoning.

The major reason I don’t like this film as much as the English language DRACULA is because it is so over the top in parts. I don’t want to give the impression that it is a bad film. Really, it is the same film, but minus the element (Bela Lugosi) that makes DRACULA stand the test of time.

The Spanish-language DRACULA is available in Dracula: The Legacy Collection boxset, which

also contains the original DRACULA, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER, SON OF DRACULA and HOUSE OF DRACULA. There are two discs, though one is annoyingly double-sided. There are a fair amount of special features, though they all only deal with the original DRACULA. There is an original documentary, THE ROAD TO DRACULA, which is narrated by Carla Laemmle, neice of the great producer. It discusses both the original film and the Spanish version. Not a terribly exciting documentary, but I guess it would be interesting if you are new to DRACULA. An introduction by Tovar, which provides a quick run down of the film’s history is the only extra specifically for the Spanish-language DRACULA.

DRACULA (1931)

2012-02-13T14:15:00.000-08:00

Tod Browning, 1931
Starring: Bela Lugosi, Helen Chandler, David Manners, Dwight Frye, and Edward Van Sloan

I’m not even sure how to review DRACULA. It has been one of those films that, since I first became obsessed with horror, I always accepted as a filmic milestone, the granddaddy of Western horror films. There was never a question as to whether DRACULA was good or bad and I think that’s how most horror fans feel about it. Nonetheless, I will attempt a review.

The film is not directly based on Bram Stoker’s novel; instead it is an adaptation of Hamilton Deane’s play, which was the first successful, authorized dramatic adaptation of the novel. The plot is as follows: Renfield travels to Romania to do business with Count Dracula. He is placed under the evil thrall of Dracula and returns with the Count via sea voyage. Dracula introduces himself to London society as a mysterious (but dapper) foreign noble. He soon gains the interest and blood of Lucy Weston, friend of Mina Seward, who then gets Dracula’s full attention. Her father, Dr. Seward, and her fiance, John Harker, enlist the aid of Dr. Van Helsing to try and save her from a cold-blooded, demonic fate.

The film deviates from the novel in a variety of ways, mostly in character and set. The basic plot is the same, but like Deane’s play, the film has more of a drawing droom pot-boiler feel than the action packed novel. This is really the only problem with DRACULA. It is wonderfully atmospheric, creepy and suggestive, but unfortunately is a bit slow due to the heavy emphasis on dialogue over action. And then there are the fake rubber bats.

Directed by the great Tod Browning with cinematography by the arguably greater Karl Freund, DRACULA injected fresh blood (and a boatload of cash) back into Universal Studios. The ailing studio had a small budget for the film, which meant that producer Carl Laemmle had to trim down the production, skimping mainly on action scenes and lavish Transylvanian sets. Bela Lugosi, whom modern audiences still think of as the quintessiential Dracula, was really an affordable last resort. Though Lugosi starred successfully in the stage production, Laemmle and Browning originally intended DRACULA to be a Lon Chaney vehicle. The great actor unfortunately died of cancer before shooting, so Laemmle offered Lugosi beans for the role that would shape his entire life. And it is Lugosi that makes DRACULA. His captivating performance alone makes DRACULA well worth watching.

Dracula: The Legacy Collection is a must have for any horror junkie. It also contains the Spanish version of DRACULA, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER, SON OF DRACULA and HOUSE OF DRACULA. There are two discs, though one is annoyingly double-sided. There are a fair amount of special features, though they all only deal with the original DRACULA. The film can be viewed with its original score, which is a montage of popular classical music (Tschaikovsky, Wagner, etc), or with a new score composed by Phillip Glass and performed by the Kronos Quartet. There is also a commentary track by film historian David J. Skal, who is also co-editor of the Norton Critical edition of the novel. There is an original documentary, THE ROAD TO DRACULA, which is narrated by Carla Laemmle, neice of the great producer. It discusses the original film and the Spanish version, which was filmed at night on the same set. Not a terribly exciting documentary, but I guess it would be interesting if you are new to DRACULA.

There are, unfortunately, some draw backs. This is supposedly a restored edition of DRACULA, but there is absolutely no evidence of this. It looks pretty much on par with the first DVD release from ‘99. The disc navigation is pretty asinine and some people have had trouble with the packaging (though I haven’t experienced it myself). An annoying detail, and in my opinion, the biggest drawback, is that these films were released together (at least, in part) to promote Stephen Sommers’ film VAN HELSING. DRACULA, sadly, has disc space wasted on an interview with Sommers on the set of VAN HELSING with his lead actors all discussing (ok, reading from cue cards about) DRACULA.

I feel, as a side note, I have to quickly compare this to the later released 75th Anniversary edition. As the third DRACULA released in less than ten years, I can’t help but feel that this is just a cash ploy. It does, hands down, have the best visual and audio transfers, but it doesn’t really look cleaned up enough to be considered the Ultimate Transfer. It comes with the Spanish DRACULA and the extras are a mix of things available in The Legacy Collection, as well as some new features. There is a new documentary called LUGOSI: THE DARK PRINCE, a feature called Monster Tracks that has weird and interesting pop-up facts during the film and an (unneccessary) additional commentary track by Steve Haberman. In my opinion the only real benefit to this disc is a 95 minute documentary, UNIVERSAL HORROR, that has clips of rare films and a lot of interesting interviews. And it’s narrated by Kenneth Branagh. Like I said, I think it’s a money waster. The Legacy Collection is only $10 more, has most of the special features and includes three additional films, including House of Dracula, which cannot currently be found anywhere else on DVD.

CAPTAIN CLEGG

2012-02-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

Peter Graham Scott, 1962
Starring: Peter Cushing, Oliver Reed, Yvonne Romain, Patrick Allen, Michael Ripper

Ahoy, landlubbers. Also known as NIGHT CREATURES, which is the American title, CAPTAIN CLEGG is a blend of classic Hammer horror and traditional pirate/smuggler fare. And I do love pirate films, even landlocked ones. CAPTAIN CLEGG is based loosely on the Doctor Syn novels by Russell Thorndike, about a reverend and smuggler who is a scholar, a swashbuckler and an all around hero to his community.

A group of sailors, led by the arrogant Captain Collier, invade a small English town on the coast in order to investigate smuggling activity. They are met with reports of phantoms who ride through the marshes at night, killing stragglers and terrifying the locals. The Reverend Blyss has unusual control over the townspeople, who clearly have something to hide. Are the phantom riders real? And where are the smugglers?

I don't know why I bothered to write a vague, open-ended description, because this is not a subtle film eager to withhold its mysteries until the final act. We know almost right away that most of the townsfolk are in on the smuggling scheme, which is headed by the good reverend, played with aplomb by Cushing. He is in top form as both the droll minister and the coldly calculating Clegg, and though Cushing doesn't slap anyone in this film, he sure as shit swings from a chandelier.

It also stars Hammer regular Yvonne Romain, whose rack is so large she gives BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB's Valerie Leon a run for her money. Romain appeared in CORRIDORS OF BLOOD with Karloff and Christopher Lee, as well as CIRCUS OF HORRORS and DEVIL DOLL. NIGHT CREATURES is her second pairing with Oliver Reed, the first being CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF, where she plays his unfortunate mother. A young, sober Oliver Reed is great as the romantic lead, though he could stand to have a little more screen time. The bulk of this goes to Patrick Allen's Captain Collier, who bears an upsetting resemblance to Captain Crunch. Most of this is due to his enormous chin and awful hat. If you pay attention to any of the sailors, they have the most slapdash, dreadful hats that appear to have come from a party supply store and not a props room.

I guess most of the budget went to the awesome skeleton make up, which is both impressive and scary, if somewhat underused. There are also a couple of creepy shots of a scarecrow, who later plays an important role in the plot. Overall there is less swashbuckling than I would have liked and this plays out like more of a costume drama, though it is still plenty entertaining. CAPTAIN CLEGG does manage to keep a few secrets till the end, allowing for a few unexpected twists and turns. It is also frequently funny, occasionally descending into slapstick.

I only have a few criticisms, cheap costumes aside. The script has a particularly ham-fisted way of making us like the smugglers and dislike the sailors, who are cruel brutes. The smugglers, on the other hand, are smart and funny and are probably best symbolized by Hammer regular Michael Ripper's character, the coffin maker and Clegg's right hand smuggler. He's kind, honest and absolutely loyal, giving the sailors a run for their money at every turn.

This unfortunately neglected film is entertaining and worth watching with a likable cast. Fortunately it is finally available on DVD in part of the two-disc Hammer Horror Series collection, which has double-sided discs (ugh) and includes BRIDES OF DRACULA, CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF, PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, KISS OF THE VAMPIRE and EVIL OF FRANKENSTEIN. Despite an upsetting lack of extras, the print looks good and sounds great. The NIGHT CREATURES title was actually meant for a failed Hammer adaptation of Matheson's amazing novel I Am Legend, where it actually would have made sense. Couldn't they have called the American release THE MARSH PHANTOMS? Or at least something topical?

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN

2012-02-09T11:20:00.000-08:00

Guy Hamilton, 1974
Starring: Roger Moore, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland, Maud Adams, Hervé Villechaize, Clifton James

"I've never killed a midget before, but there can always be a first time."

I am not ashamed to admit that I genuinely like THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN despite its frequently unabashed silliness, absurdly convoluted plot and gadgets so ridiculous it's amazing they were ever translated to film. This is the ninth Bond film and the second to star Roger Moore (after the equally absurd LIVE AND LET DIE). THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN is a loose adaptation of the novel, but, like LIVE AND LET DIE, is more faithful to its literary source than most of the other films in the series. It is also the fourth and final film to be directed by Guy Hamilton.

Bond is presented with a golden bullet with "007" engraved on it, supposedly a message that Scaramanga, a never seen before but infamous assassin, has been hired to kill him. Scaramanga charges a million dollars a hit and only uses a custom gun made out of gold. Bond decides to get to Scaramanga first and along the way discovers a plot involving the power crisis and a device that can harness the energy of the sun. He tracks down Scaramanga's sexy mistress, Andrea Anders, and she leads him to Hong Kong, where he tortures her for information. He discovers Scaramanga in the middle of murdering a scientist and stealing his "Solex agitator," a hand-held device that allegedly is important to a larger machine that harnesses solar power. Bond also meets Nick Nack, Scaramanga's tiny, yet diabolical henchman. After being kidnapped, getting his ass-kicked at a dojo and escaping with the help of a Hong Kong policemen and his two kung-fu savvy nieces, Bond meets up with Mary Goodnight, a agent sent by MI6. In the middle of Goodnight trying to sleep with Bond, Scaramanga's mistress shows up and hires Bond to kill the hitman, saying she will give him the Solex in exchange. Scaramanga kills her and kidnaps Goodnight, leading to a showdown between he and Bond on his private island.

After the ill-advised blaxploitation theme of LIVE AND LET DIE, it was inevitable that we would see a kung fu/martial arts Bond film sooner or later. There are a series of bizarre locale choices, like they were trying to shoe-horn as many Far East settings into the script as they could. I really do enjoy this film, but there are a lot of unavoidably bad things about it. To start with, the comedy is awful, made worse by Sheriff Pepper, a stereotypical rude American tourist, who happens to be a state police offer. He tags along with Bond and gives part of the ending a weird Dukes of Hazzard feel, which is only made worse by the terrible score. Let's not even talk about the opening theme song by Lulu.

Almost as bad as the humor is the fact that my beloved Aston Marton is gone. Instead we get an AMC Hornet and an AMC Matador. The Hornet is used to do a ridiculous 360-degree spinning bridge jump, which is an impressive stunt to watch, but would have been a lot better without Sheriff Pepper in the car and without the unfortunate sound effects. Scaramanga's Matador is modified to become a flying car, which was actually functional and could supposedly fly about 500 feet. For some reason I think this is incredibly stupid. I understand that they were trying to give Scaramanga a "gadget" car like Bond normally has, but seriously?

This is also a surprisingly misogynistic entry in the Roger Moore years. Britt Ekland is hot, but overwhelming stupid, both as an agent and a love interest. Not only does Bond play her the entire second half of the film, but she hides, half naked, in a closet while he has sex with someone else and then has sex with him at basically her first opportunity. Bond's relationship with Andrea Anders is not much better. In a pretty quick transition he goes from beating her for information to nailing her. For some reason it feels much more offensive than Connery's similar struggle with Pussy Galore in GOLDFINGER.

The best part of this film is indisputably Christopher Lee. He is great to watch and even almost manages to rise above the ridiculous plot. His Scaramanga drips with urbane, intellectual menace, despite the campy parts of his character: he has a extra nipple, carries a golden gun and wants to use solar power to take over the world, despite the fact that he knows nothing about science. Scaramanga as Bond's alter ego or evil double is an effective technique that is not used to great enough effect. It turns out the Lee is actually Ian Fleming's cousin and friend, which is part of the reason he received the role. His henchman Nick Nack (Villechaize aka Tattoo from Fantasy Island) is also very enjoyable, though he's a weird sort of riff on Oddjob. He and Lee steal the film away from a very blundering Moore, who clearly hasn't come into his own with the Bond role yet.

I'm going to have to recommend THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, if only because it is so much fun. Flawed and imperfect, but still a hell of a ride, particularly the chaotic middle section of the film where it's impossible to tell what is going to happen next. There's an MGM Special Edition DVD, though I am reviewing the two-disc Ultimate Edition, which also comes in volume one of the Ultimate box set with GOLDFINGER, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS and THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH.

THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE

2012-02-08T11:03:00.000-08:00

Daniel Alfredson, 2009

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Lena Endre, Georgi Staykov

FLICKAN SOM LEKTE MED ELDEN is a completely different type of thriller than THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO and, as a result, has a totally different set of problems.

Based on the second novel in Stieg Larsson's Millennium series, the film necessarily cuts out lengthy sections of the book, namely the early chapters featuring Lisbeth Salander's time abroad. When Salander returns to Sweden, she is suspected of murdering a pair of journalists investigating a sex-trade ring, as well as her abusive guardian, Nils Bjurman. In the previous film he raped and tortured Salander and she blackmailed him for her freedom. Journalist and one-time partner of Salander, Mikael Blomkvist is convinced of her innocence and is determined to get to the bottom of the murders and exonerate Salander. All signs point to a mysterious figure named Zala...

There are certain interesting elements about THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE, but it ultimately falls short. The subtext about the sex trade and human trafficking could add depth to the film, but is little more than a passing set piece, establishing motive for Salander's rage. I know what these books/films are trying to do - they are essentially a lengthy revenge letter to sexual abuse, objectification and, as Larssen put it with the real title of the first book, men who hate women. They make a decent attempt, but ultimately fail because the villains are not regular men, they farcical extremes: serial killers, Nazis, corrupt billionaires and Russian gangsters.

Somewhat surprisingly, THE GIRL WHO PLAYS WITH FIRE places less of an emphasis on Salander, who barely appears in the first half of the film. She is no longer the invincible, black-clad anti-heroine of the first film. Where in THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, Salander does the seemingly impossible in terms of computer research, in this film she has to wander around in the dark, safely locked up in her apartment or scuttling down the street in disguise. In DRAGON TATTOO she cracks the Vanger case and saves Blomkvist, but here he has to do all the investigating and ultimately saves her.

This also feels more like a revenge film than the previous effort, which was clearly a murder mystery/thriller. SPOILERS! Salander is shot three times and buried alive by Zala, who turns out to be Zalachenko, her long lost father. As a teenager she set Zalachenko on fire to get revenge for his constant abuse of her mother. Both women were hospitalized and institutionalized as a result. The film brings up similarities between Salander and Zalachenko and their familial connection gives an added depth to her rage. She finally appears vulnerable and, by the end of the film, she does become more sympathetic. There is also a growing closeness between Salander and Blomkvist, despite the fact that they share almost no screen time.

Blomkvist, surprisingly, is more likable and provides a grounding force in this film. Though he was boring, plodding and reluctant in DRAGON TATTOO, here his faith in Salander and passionate drive to prove her innocence gives him more of an emotional spark than expected.

The worst part of the film are the two villains, Zala and his son/henchman Niedermann. They feel like Bond villains, which is grossly out of place in the Millenium world. Niedermann is a hulking blonde German who has a genetic disorder that makes him incapable of feeling pain. Zala is a Russian criminal mastermind who is badly scarred from when the teenage Salander set him on fire, but still manages to run an international crime ring, get involved in sex trafficking, drugs, blackmail, murder, extortion, etc. The mystery surrounding Zala also pales in comparison to the Vanger case in DRAGON TATTOO.

The good elements make me wish it was a better film and I'm reluctant to finish the trilogy, which is less a trilogy and more a separate first feature and a lengthy two-part second film. I wish these films weren't so serious and put more emphasis on the pulp elements, because, let's face, this is generously treading the line of grindhouse cinema.

If you want to check out THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE, it is streaming on Netflix and there's a DVD from Music Box Entertainment. I can't recommend the film, but if you're invested in the series it is probably worth watching.

GOLDFINGER

2012-02-07T20:10:00.001-08:00

Guy Hamilton, 1964

Starring: Sean Connery, Honor Blackman, Gert Fröbe, Shirley Eaton, Harold Sakata

Though DR. NO was the first, GOLDFINGER will always be the quintessential Bond film for me and, just maybe, my favorite. It's third film in the series and the third with Connery and really hits on most of the beloved elements of the franchise: girls, cars, gadgets, dastardly villains, insurmountable odds and 007 keeping his cool all the while.

Based on the novel Goldfinger, we open with Bond blows up a drug lab in Latin America in a truly wonderful sequence, before hitting up Miami Beach for some relaxation. There he observes Auric Goldfinger, a gold dealer and jeweler with a suspicious background. He steals Goldfinger's assistant, the lovely Jill, but after Jill and Bond get better acquainted, Goldfinger has her killed. Namely she is suffocated to death with gold paint in the beautiful, iconic scene that made it all the way to the cover of Times Magazine. In case you were wondering, you can't actually suffocate someone to death that way.

Bond follows Goldfinger around Europe to spy on his smuggling operation. Jill's sister Tilly arrives and attempts to kill Goldfinger, but is killed by Goldfinger's manservant, Oddjob, the same man who presumably killed Jill. Bond overhears Goldfinger discussing Operation Grand Slam and gets kidnapped. Goldfinger almost kills Bond with a giant laser, but spares his life to trick MI6 and the CIA into thinking everything is running smoothly. They move to Fort Knox, where Goldfinger plans to steal gold from the US treasury. Here Bond meets the inscrutable Pussy Galore, who resists his many attempts at seduction. He alerts the CIA to his presents and continues to spy on Goldfinger, hoping to disrupt his plan. But is it that simple? Or does Goldfinger want something more?

Between Pussy Galore, a dead, naked Jill Masterson covered in gold and Auric Goldfinger, this film would be enough. Goldfinger is one of the first villains to seem a lot more powerful than Bond and almost kills Bond several times, sparing him because he is more useful alive than dead. Fröbe, despite his total inability to speak English at the time, gave a powerful performance. Yes, that is overdubbing you hear. He said all his lines phonetically, which still wasn't convincing enough. Even more amazing is that the part was supposed to go to Orson Welles, but he was too expensive. GOLDFINGER also has a great opening sequence, an amusing session with Q and the beautiful Aston Martin DB5. Sigh.

GOLDFINGER was the first very successful Bond film, reaching blockbuster status and even winning and Academy Award and it maintains positive ratings. Between the set, the directing, acting, humor and action, this is a perfect Bond film. If you're going to start anywhere, this is probably the place. I don't have many complaints. There is the disturbing scene where Bond forces himself on Pussy Galore. The fact that her violent resistance becomes enthusiastic consent is a little disturbing, but she was working for an evil mastermind before warming to Bond. Though most reviewers describe Harold Sakata's Oddjob as menacing, he throws a hat. I know he's silent and imposing and even kick's Bond's ass, but the man throws a hat. Really though, the most irritating thing is Operation Grand Slam, which is just an absurd title and makes me think of the breakfast special at Denny's. I think Goldfinger would have named it after something gold-related. These are all relatively minor complaints.

GOLDFINGER comes highly, highly recommended. There's the Special Edition DVD from MGM, though I'm reviewing the two-disc Ultimate Edition, which also comes in volume one of the Ultimate Edition box set with THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH and THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS.

It also has the greatest theme song and credits sequence of any Bond film:

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH

2012-02-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

Michael Apted, 1999

Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Robert Carlyle, Denise Richards, Robbie Coltrane, Judi Dench

Albert Broccoli once allegedly stated that he would never hire Remington Steele to play Bond. I fervently wish he (and his daughter Barbara) had stuck to that statement. It's no secret that I can't stand Pierce Brosnan. Aside from GOLDENEYE, I have a blanket hatred for his Bond films, though I've watched them enough times over the years that I've developed a reluctant tolerance, particularly for THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH.

This, however, is not enough to make it a good film, or even a reasonably entertaining Bond effort, though I'll begrudgingly admit that there are a few entertaining moments. None of those moments happen to fall during the opening credits, which are possibly the worst in any Bond film, including CASINO ROYALE. They obviously tried to play on the political themes of the movie, using water, oil and tar in the design to a disastrous effect.

Bond hurries to Spain to retrieves a case with five million dollars from a shady Swiss banker, only to have things erupt in violence, Bond barely escaping with his life. The money is returned to Sir Robert King, though it is cleverly rigged with explosives and used to assassinate him. King was known for the extensive oil pipelines he was building throughout Eastern Europe and the Middle East. Bond is then charged to protect Elektra, King's daughter, who already survived a traumatic kidnapping by Renard, a terrorist. Renard was almost killed by another agent, but instead a bullet is lodged in his brain, shortening his life expectancy, but making him nearly invincible. Bond discovers Renard's plan to start a nuclear meltdown in the Middle East and seeks the aid of a sexy physicist to help him prevent disaster.

First things first, I don't think Denise Richards is at all believable or enjoyable as Dr. Christmas Jones. And she looks like a goddamned Pekingese. I won't go so far as to say she's the worst Bond girl in the franchise, but she's pretty damn bad. Who could possibly believe she's a nuclear physicist? Fortunately she's balanced by the incredibly hot Sophie Marceau as Elektra King. Elektra actually has the potential to be an interesting character, mostly because of the obvious chemistry between she and Bond. In many ways they are a foil for one another, which provides some interesting tension and drama, but the film gets distracted from this at about the hour mark to its detriment.

SPOILER ALERT in this paragraph. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about the twist. Elektra is one half of the team of villains with Renard. The premise is that when Renard kidnapped her and M refused her ransom, he tortured a sweet, naive girl and won her love with Stockholm syndrome. OK... and now they want to take over the world together. Unfortunately this doesn't explain how Elektra comes to be the dominant force in their partnership, nor does it explain why she has taken out a full scale vendetta against her father and M. As far as Bond girls go, she is interesting, but flawed and, as a seducer and manipulator, brings up questions about Bond's own somewhat sociopathic tendency to manipulate women to whatever end.

What else do I like about it? Obviously Judi Dench as M is always a treat and I have a deep love for Desmond Llewellyn's Q. This is sadly his last film in that role and there is a joke in the film that John Cleese, possibly code-named R, is going to replace him. "Ah yes, the legendary double 007 wit. Or at least half of it." As a Python junkie I'm happy to see Cleese anywhere and everywhere.

Robbie Coltrane puts in a good, repeat performance as ex-KGB/Russian gangster Valentin Zukovsky, who is neither a good guy nor a bad one. Robert Carlyle is charismatic, but really can't fight through the muck of his role as Renard. He's simply another scarred, disfigured villain with a foreign accent and some sort of impressive power. His inability to feel pain is hardly used at all, though it is talked about a lot. In a sympathetic twist, he is obviously in love with Elektra.

While I think Michael Apted is a capable director (who didn't cry during GORILLAS IN THE MIST?), I don't know if he's really up for the type of action and humor a Bond film requires. There are some good beginning action sequences that descend into absurdity. How many times can we see a chase sequence on skis? The trademark humor is just... appalling and the effects are even worse. Between the x-ray glasses and the winter coat that turns into an inflatable life bubble, it's painful to watch. What's even more painful is the exclusion of my beloved Aston Martin for a fucking BMW. Really?My main issue is that while half of this film is messy and ridiculous, the other half feels like it is going through the motions, sleep-walking through what it thinks a Bond film should be. After all, it is the nineteenth Bond film and third for Brosnan. And it is only downhill from here. DIE ANOTHER DAY, I'm referring to you.

On a final note, the title is a translation of the latin motto Orbis non sufficit, which is the Bond family motto as introduced in the novel On Her Majesty's Secret Service. It is also the epitaph of Alexander the Great: "A tomb now suffices for him, for whom the world was not enough."

If you want to suffer through it, there's a Special Edition DVD from MGM, though I'm reviewing the two-disc Ultimate Edition, which is also found in volume one of the Ultimate Edition box set with THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, GOLDFINGER, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER and THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS.

THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS

2012-02-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

John Glen, 1987

Starring: Timothy Dalton, John Rhys-Davies, Maryam d'Abo, Jeroen Krabbe, Art Malik

While I unabashedly have a lot of love for Timothy Dalton's Bond, I have to admit that THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS is one of my least favorite films in the franchise. The fifteenth Bond film and the first starring Dalton as 007 is clearly an attempt to make the franchise more serious and action oriented, which is a success in some ways, but as a Bond film, THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS is deeply flawed.

Koskov, a Soviet general, defects and requests Bond's protection. Bond stops an attractive blonde sniper and cellist from assassinating Koskov with a sniper rifle, realizing she is not a professional and something is suspicious. While under the protection of the British government, Koskov discloses a KGB plan to kill as many British and American agents as possible, supposedly headed by KGB boss General Pushkin. Koskov then disappears, allegedly recaptured or killed by KGB assassins. Intuitively, Bond goes back to Czechoslovakia (remember when it was still called that?) for the cellist, Kara, who is actually Koskov's naive girlfriend. The two follow his increasingly dangerous trail across Europe and into the Middle East, which leads them to a confrontation with an arm dealer in Afghanistan.

The direction is reasonably solid, as this was helmed by the trustworthy John Glen, who also directed FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, OCTOPUSSY, VIEW TO A KILL and LICENSE TO KILL, giving him the distinction of being the most prolific Bond director to date. He also assistant directed or edited ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, THE SPY WHO LOVED ME and MOONRAKER. The title and basic plot is taken from the Fleming story "The Living Daylights,"

but unfortunately diverges from some of the normal Bond traits. For instance, Maryam d'Abo's Kara all but ruins the film. She is the only significant female character, but is unmistakably not a Bond girl. She's naive, irritating and, despite being beautiful, is utterly sexless. Much like the rest of the film. There's an amazing intro where Bond falls from the sky via parachute and lands on the boat of a bored woman in a bikini, but this is the only hint of sexual conquest in the entire film.

There is also a sad lack of humor in the film. We get a few one-liners from Dalton, but his serious, sensitive Bond seems uncomfortable with the normal zingers delivered by Connery or Moore. Saunders, an M16 agent assisting Bond, provides a little comic relief with his obvious intolerance for Bond's shenanigans, but is underused. Of course we get the standard characters like M, Q (pointing out an in-development ghetto blaster), Moneypenny and even an appearance from Felix Leiter, who kidnaps Bond through the clever use of party girls in a convertible, but it feels like they are rushed through the film as quickly as possible.

And while there are some excellent action sequences, the inevitable car chase scene is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen and ends with Bond and Kara using a cello case to sled down a mountain and over the Austrian border. The beautiful Aston Martin V8 Vantage Volante, which is one of my favorite convertibles, is unfortunately out of place and Bond seems to grimace every time he uses the special features.

Last in my list of major complaints is that we don't have a focused villain. The alleged KGB defector Koskov is lazy, gluttonous and would rather lounge by the pool making out with babes than pursue any real villainy. The American arms dealer is equally annoying and has maybe one full minute of screen time. The henchman is a blonde Russian named Necros who moonlights as a revolutionary. The only blonde Russian I want to see kicking ass is Ivan Drago.

There are some reasons to see the film, though. As I said, THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS attempted to take the series in a new direction, exploring realism and more serious themes like espionage and Cold War politics. The script is not afraid to present a sympathetic Bond, who can instantly turn into the icy, sociopathic spy, but also has a softer, romantic side. There is a likable, honorable KGB director, played with aplomb by John Rhys-Davies. My favorite sequences in the film are shot in Afghanistan, during the war, involving some very lively Mujahideen rebels. Art Malik's Kamran Shah is one of the best characters in the film and I wish he had been introduced earlier than the final quarter.

THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS is available as a single disc Special Edition DVD from MGM, though I am reviewing the two disc Ultimate Edition, which is also included in volume one of the Ultimate Edition box set, which also contains two-disc versions of GOLDFINGER, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN and THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH.

Don't forget: СМЕРть Шпионам.

BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974)

2012-02-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

Bob Clark, 1974

Starring: Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, John Saxon

BLACK CHRISTMAS is one of my favorite scary movies of all time and possibly my favorite slasher film. The premise is simple, yet effective. A group of sorority sisters get a series of creepy, prank phone calls and one by one, begin to drop dead during their Christmas break. The film was based on real murders that took place in Quebec in the early '70s and was also definitely inspired by one of the most terrifying urban legends of all time. HERE'S A SPOILER for anyone who hasn't seen BLACK CHRISTMAS yet, though I'm not sure how that's possible. Known as "The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs," the legend tells of a babysitter alone in the house after she has put the children to sleep. She gets a series of creepy phone calls which, of course, come from within the house. This was also used more literally in the entertaining but inferior WHEN A STRANGER CALLS.

Why is BLACK CHRISTMAS one of my favorite films? First of all, I love Christmas horror. I own almost every holiday-themed horror film made before 1985, except, ironically, BLACK CHRISTMAS, which someone borrowed and never returned. Unlike SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT or CHRISTMAS EVIL, the holiday season is of minimal importance to BLACK CHRISTMAS. Mostly it is used as a plot device, a reason for the girls to have a big party, family visits and disappearances going unnoticed because everyone has assumedly left for break. Plus all that glorious Canadian snow.

The second reason is that I love Bob Clark. He directed the two greatest Christmas films of all time: A CHRISTMAS STORY and BLACK CHRISTMAS. Yes, I can tell you from personal experience that it makes a great double feature regardless of order. Holiday fun for the whole family. Clark is also one of the greatest Canadian horror directors and, a few years before BLACK CHRISTMAS, directed DEATH DREAM, one of the best undead films of all time and the greatest Vietnam war-themed horror film ever made.

Finally, it is incredibly mean-spirited, certainly more so than any other slasher film from the period. Aside from the grisly murders, there are the perverse prank calls where the caller liberally uses the word "cunt" and instead of getting offended the girls laugh about it and provoke him. There's a lot of inappropriate comedy, especially from Margot Kidder's character, a horny drunk. The house "mom" is an alcoholic who cleverly hides flasks around the house and the main character is desperate to get an abortion, regardless of her unstable boyfriend's opinion.

The cast is wonderful and nice to look at, but not particularly sympathetic. John Saxon is a fabulous addition to the film, but then he brings joy to every movie he's ever appeared in, even the mostly irredeemable THE SCORPION WITH TWO TAILS. Keep your ear out for a chilling score from Carl Zittrer, who was supposedly responsible for Saxon's involvement. BLACK CHRISTMAS comes highly recommended. My only criticism, if I had to have one, is that the plot might be a little confusing for first time viewers. In a bold move on Clark's part, the killer is given neither identity nor motivation and in fact we don't really even see him throughout the course of the film.

BLACK CHRISTMAS received bafflingly poor reviews upon release that have improved over the years, but it is still entirely too neglected. You can help turn that around right now by picking up the nice Special Edition DVD from Somerville House that comes with interviews and a short documentary. And remember, if this picture doesn't make your skin crawl... it's on too tight!

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (2009)

2012-01-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

Niels Arden Oplev, 2009

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist, Sven-Bertil Taube, Peter Haber, Lena Endre

Back in about 2007, I decided to read Stieg Larsson's Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, the first release of what would become the very famous Millenium Trilogy. I'm a sucker for murder mysteries and cheapie noir novels, so it was really only a matter of time. I saw the Swedish film not long after it came out and was mindlessly entertained, but largely unimpressed, which was exactly my reaction to the novel. In the past week I decided to re-visit the Swedish film to decide whether or not I wanted to bother seeing the American remake. Generally I frown upon or outright blacklist American remakes of foreign language films for the reason that they are, by definition, completely idiotic and basically represent everything I hate about American pop culture. No one needs me to launch into that rant right now, though. After revisiting the original film I decided I had enough to say about it that I had to write a review.

The plot of the book is sprawling with enough subplots to make a film adaptation seem absurd, but screenwriters Nikolaj Arcel and Rasmus Heisterberg make a valid attempt. Disgraced journalist Mikael Blomkvist is about to face a prison term for committing libel against a Swedish businessman, though he is certain there really is something rotten in the state of Sweden. Millenium, the leftwing magazine he started with co-owner and part-time lover Erika Berger, is suffering because of his trial, so he resignes and reluctantly takes on a new position. Henrik Vanger, ex-tycoon of another multimillion dollar family business has hired him to look into the 40-year old case of his missing niece, Harriet, whom Henrik believes was murdered. Henrik suspects most of his secretive family members, all of whom have suspicious past dealings including links to the Nazi party.

Mikael discovers some interesting new leads and receives some unexpected help. When Henrik decided to hire Mikael, he had him investigated by a surveillance firm and their best hacker, Lisbeth Salander. She's a skinny, tattooed and pierced 24-year old goth chick with a bad family history and possible sociopathy, schizophrenia or Asberger's. She also has a photographic memory, a genius-level IQ and is a bisexual chain-smoker. Salander is a ward of the state, whose kind former guardian died (retired because of a stroke in the book), to be replaced by a vile, manipulative and sexually predatory lawyer, Nils Bjurman. At first Bjurman asks Salander invasive questions about her personal life and sexual habits, then takes control of her finances. Soon he coerces her into oral sex in exchange for access to her own money, then later viciously rapes her. The ever-thoughtful Salander caught the rape on video and returns to get vengeance. She ties up and tortures Bjurman, anally rapes him with his own dildo, sloppily tattoos his crimes across his chest and blackmails him with the video.

She continues to investigate Mikael, who fascinates her for no apparent reason. She reluctantly shares information with him and he convinces her to help whim work on the case in the rural, frostbitten region of Hedestad. (SPOILERS ABOUND.) It turns out that Harriet's disappearance was not an isolated incident. Mikael and Salander discover that Harriet knew about a series of vicious serial murders that targeted young Jewish women throughout the '50s and '60s. The trail of clues leads them directly to Harriet's father, who died in a boating accident the year before Harriet disappeared. Meanwhile, Salander begins an inexplicable sexual relationship with the older, more passive Mikael, though she resents any kind of emotional intimacy. They finally discover that Harriet's father and brother Martin were a team of serial killers and Martin was only too happy to carry on his father's work alone. Martin almost kills Mikael, but he is saved in the nick of time by Salander, who pursues Martin until he dies in a fiery car accident she could have prevented. The police uncover information about dozens of women Martin raped, tortured and murdered over the years.

Salander finds Harriet living under an assumed name in Australia - it seems she fled the day of her disappearance, convinced that Martin was going to torture and kill her for her knowledge of the murders. She also spent several years being tortured and raped by both her father and brother. She is joyously reunited with Henrik and finally gets a chance to tell her story (and in the book presumably takes control of the family business now that her brother is dead). There are two further conclusions. Mikael serves part of his jail time, but is released when Salander discovers solid evidence that Mikael's dirty businessman is far worse than he seemed. Mikael is able to resume his career at Millenium and is back in the public good graces. Salander finally visits her mother, who lives in an asylum, and we learn that Salander set her father on fire for the years he abused her mother.

A lot of critics seem to enjoy the book and film because of Lisbeth's character, claiming she is more fascinating than the actual plot of the novel and is the first original anti-hero to come along in the thriller/mystery genre in years. For anyone part of a goth/punk/metal subgenre, Salander is basically a culmination of stereotypes from fringe cultures. She has a few piercings, a few tattoos and dresses all in black. She's fucked up, angry, very smart and has a deeply troubled past. I think she probably could have been an interesting character, but comes across as a modern day, edgier Bond girl with her high-tech gadgets, seamless disguises and sociopathic brilliance.

My main complaint about the film is that it is essentially an exploitation film masquerading as a high class thriller. When I watched it recently I thought for a good twenty minutes about the film's potential message and its original title, MAN SOM HATAR KVINNOR or MEN WHO HATE WOMEN. I also thought about why this title wasn't good enough for English-language audience, who needed the much catchier GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. Almost every female character in the film is a victim of sexual violence or, at best, subjected to male indifference. Even the "normal" characters like Erika Berger have a laundry list of divorce, affairs, disappointing open-relationships. Salander is allegedly an avenging angel, raping rapers and catching serial killers and dirty businessmen alike. Her actions (which are mostly reactions) should have the same sort of cathartic fulfillment I feel from watching COFFY, THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE or LADY SNOWBLOOD, but because the film pretends to have some sort of serious political subtext and message about sexual violence, this falls flat on its face. The film tries to be sobering and thrilling at the same time, but mostly feels like a lengthy, formulaic exercise with two-dimensional characters who are not particularly likable.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO will likely be entertaining for anyone who enjoys mindless thrillers, but I can't recommend it any further than that. There's a region 1 blu-ray from Music Box if you're so inclined. I'm not sure what Fincher, Mara or Craig will bring to the remake, but I'm guessing it's just a flashier, more visually appealing version of the original film with tighter editing and Trent Reznor soundtrack.

THE DEVIL INSIDE

2012-01-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

William Brent Bell, 2012
Starring: Fernanda Andrade, Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth

Because 2010’s THE LAST EXORCISM wasn’t enough of a piece of shit Exorcist rip-off with a lousy plot and absurd, abrupt ending about a documentary filmmaker with no concept of how to use a Steadicam, Hollywood decided to start 2012 off right by gifting us with another one of these festering turds.

Isabella, a cute-yet-troubled twenty-something, goes to Rome to investigate whether her mother has a severe psychiatric disorder or whether she is possessed. While Isabella was a child, her mother had a mental breakdown and committed multiple murders, which allegedly occurred during an exorcism. Straining the limits of plausibility, Isabella brings a documentary filmmaker along to capture her tragic story. They are allowed in the psychiatric hospital to interview her heavily sedated and annoyingly crazy mother and in the Vatican’s Exorcism School, where they take a class and hook up with two priests. The priests have gone rogue and seek out cases the church has cast aside, in order to perform helpful exorcisms and save lives. They convince Isabella she has to see an exorcism to really know if her mother is demonically possessed, then, to no one’s great surprise, they pay a visit to Isabella’s mother, still in the psych ward. The shit hits the fan, unfortunately not literally, everyone gets possessed, there is a “surprise” ending, blah blah blah.

I knew what I was getting into and I strongly considered not going to see the film at all and instead making a list of religious horror films worth your valuable time (THE CONFESSIONAL, I’m looking at you). But I actually had a great time seeing the film on opening night and I think some thanks are in order:

To the guy in front of me who shouted “THAT’S MY JAM!” during a thoroughly non-creepy rendition of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” thank you. Coincidentally, he was the same one who shouted at the opening credits, “The devil’s inside? Yo, that’s rape! The devil’s gonna rape you!”

To the girls behind me who got into a “You shut up,” “No, you shut up,” “I’ll do what I want,” “Bitch, you ugly” fight, thank you.

To the people who shrieked out loud at a little vaginal blood, thank you.

To all the people talking on their cell phones, sending text messages and the kind folks in the back who brought the crying toddler, thank you.

And most of all, to almost all the theater patrons who stood, screamed, booed, and had jaws dropped in disbelief at the ending, thanks. I could not have gotten through this film without you. Especially the girl a row in front of me who said to her date as the credits rolled, “No, I’m not leaving, there is no way that can be the end. They’re trying to trick us.”

If you’re planning to go see THE DEVIL INSIDE, get blindingly drunk and go to the most crowded theater possible with the rudest patrons you can imagine. I promise you’ll have a good time (my only mistake was being sober).

Originally written for Cinedelphia.

P.S. If you really want to know the end, I will happily tell you. Isabella's mother is not possessed by a demon. She's possessed by multiple demons. They jump from her to one of the priests during the ridiculous exorcism performed INSIDE the psych ward, to Isabella, to the douchebag filmmaker. The surviving priest has kidnapped Isabella from the hospital and is attempting to perform an exorcism in the back of a moving vehicle. So the demon(s) does the logical thing and jumps to the driver, violently crashing the car and destroying the camera. And because this is a "found footage" film, that means that the show's over, kids. Thankfully.

A WINK AND A SMILE: THE ART OF BURLESQUE

2012-01-03T10:45:00.000-08:00

Deirdre Allen Timmons, 2008

An examination of the Seattle burlesque scene and an exploration of why a normal woman would go into the field, A WINK AND A SMILE is an interesting, if unfocused look at one of my favorite performance arts. Unfortunately, it is also a movie made by a person with a vagina about people with vaginas for people with vaginas to watch when they are feeling sad, unattractive or have some raging PMS. Not that there isn't a market for this type of film, it just isn't really my cup of tea.

Ten women of varying ages and backgrounds join Miss Indigo Blue's Academy of Burlesque for several weeks of classes on how to shake it till you make it, followed by a graduation recital. We see a little bit of their time in class, but the documentary is mostly divided between three sections: interviews with Indigo Blue about the history of burlesque, interviews with the women about why they chose to take the class and how it makes them feel and footage from various burlesque performances. From a technical standpoint, the film is sort of milquetoast in the sense that we get lots and lots of shots of talking heads, where voice over would have better served the screen time.

My biggest criticism is that the film is overly feminist leaning and entirely too much time is spent discussing how burlesque performance boosts a woman's self-esteem. While I love and thoroughly support most forms of erotic performance art, burlesque is still all about people getting (mostly) naked to entertain a crowd. It's not a Lilith Fair hippy circle with hand holding, crying and talking about feelings. I found most of the women's explanations about their feelings tedious, but the interesting burlesque performances between interviews kept my attention.

There is a fair mix of classic burlesque, raunchier acts, female male impersonators, male burlesque performers and male female impersonators. My personal favorite was Lily Verlaine, who, in my opinion, makes the film well worth watching. She is an established performer in Seattle and across the country. Her act in A WINK AND A SMILE is a Picasso inspired set where she comes on stage in white make up and paints herself, quite erotically. Definitely recommended.

The fairest thing I can say about this documentary is that it presents burlesque in its most non-threatening, non-sexual light, avoiding the seedier sides of the art form. But what fun is that? A WINK AND A SMILE is currently streaming on Netflix, though there is also a basic DVD available from First Run. You can also pop over to the film's official page to find out more.

THESE ARE THE DAMNED

2011-12-28T13:51:00.000-08:00

Joseph Losey, 1963

Starring: Macdonald Carey, Shirley Anne Field, Viveca Lindors, Oliver Reed, Walter Gotell

Originally known as THE DAMNED, this incredibly bizarre film is an inexplicable cross between apocalyptic sci-fi, romance-adventure, and British Teddy Boy/youth gang film. I still haven't really been able to wrap my brain around it, but fans of weird '60s cinema will definitely get a kick out of seeing Oliver Reed interact with radioactive children and struggle against his violently repressed sexuality. Which is not at all related to the children, just to clear up confusion about what kind of movie we're dealing with.

Simon (Carey), an American tourist, expresses interest in Joan (Field) and gets mugged by her brother King's (Reed) gang for his troubles. He and Joan cross paths again and he convinces her to give him a shot, which involves a date on his boat. King's gang pursues them and they flee over the sea to a strange island that is guarded by military personell. They cross paths with cheerful, yet cold-skinned children who are obviously the product of some experiment. Can they escape King's jealous wrath, escape the island and save the children?

No. I mean, I did say this was apocalyptic sci-fi, didn't I?

This seemingly random sci-fi entry into the Hammer catalogue bears some similarities with their horror/sci-fi mashups like the excellent QUARTERMASS series. Though THESE ARE THE DAMNED feels like it's made up of pages from ten different genre-themed scripts that were then spliced together with someone to roughly fill in the gaps, it's actually based on H.L. Lawrence's novel The Children of Light. Despite the number of oddities and non-sequiturs going on, it's still an interesting film. My only real complaint is that Macdonald Carey is way too old for his role as the middle-aged male lead/love interest. There is also the weird avant-garde sculptor lady played by Viveca Lindors to content with, a character that makes little sense in the overall arc of the film and has some annoying, politically charged dialogue. And I could do without any of the silly, dragging gang scenes at the start of the film.

Overall it fits loosely in the creepy children sub-genre and would go well with THE BROOD and VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (the original, duh). It is a cold, unforgiving and utterly loveless film, most of which is exemplified by Oliver Reed's character and the lead scientist's interactions with the children, who learn everything from a TV set in their classroom, unable to receive any human affection or even contact without bestowing radiation sickness and ultimately death on their would-be guardians.

THESE ARE THE DAMNED is not available on a region 1 single disc as a stand alone film, though it has been fortunately restored to the original 96-minute print. You can get it as part of the "Icons of Suspense" Collection from Hammer, which includes STOP ME BEFORE I KILL!, CASH ON DEMAND, THE SNORKEL, MANIAC and NEVER TAKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER. There's a region 2 DVD from Sony/Columbia and a VHS copy with the worst goddamned cover art I've ever seen.

TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN!

2011-12-28T11:01:00.000-08:00

Pedro Almodóvar, 1990

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Victoria Abril, Loles León, Francisco Rabal

The most quickly descriptive thing I can come up with to say about ATAME! is that it is delightfully offensive. A young, energetic Banderas plays Ricky, a troubled young man recently released from a psychiatric hospital. He stalks and kidnaps Marina, an ex-junkie porn star turned actress who he has decided to love, cherish and marry. His plan is that by kidnapping Marina, she will have time to get to know the real him and fall in love. Marina is naturally horrified by this and tries to escape, but Ricky is determined that she will come to love him in time.

At its essence, ATAME! (meaning "tie me up") is a rom com and, as much as it chagrins me to admit it, one that I was tricked into thoroughly enjoying. Partly it is so enjoyable because it openly mocks the narrative structure of most romantic films and the often flagrant misogyny found in that genre.

The two main characters are attractive, but are deeply emotionally damaged and not overly intelligent. Marina has spent most of her life as a promiscuous heroin addict who made a career in porn and is finally turning to legitimate film (though of course it is a horror production). Ricky grew up in a psychiatric hospital where he survived by pimping himself out to the older female staff members. These two emerge from their supposedly tormented pasts to pursue a normalized heterosexual model of adult life, though Almodóvar pokes a great deal of fun at the ridiculous nature of heterosexual courtship and love.

Though this is one of his less colorful, more subdued works, it still comes highly recommended. ATAME! is Almodóvar's eighth film and was critically and financially successful if controversial. The original NC-17 rating doesn't make a whole lot of sense, though there are some sexy moments and a scene of Loles León sitting down on a toilet seat and peeing. There is nary a hardcore scene to be found.

The references to Stockholm syndrome and John Fowler's novel The Collector are slightly uncomfortable. Not only does Marina convince herself that she loves Ricky, but she also convinces her more suspicious sister, who knows about the kidnapping. In a certain sense the basic plot also reminds me of Shaw's Pygmalion and, as I mentioned, the romantic comedies of the '50s and early '60s. Though Ricky is not trying to mold Marina into a particular role, he is trying to show her the wisdom of adopting a conventional heterosexual romantic role of her own choosing... sort of.

ATAME! is usually described as a dark comedy, which I don't think is entirely accurate. There are some dark moments where we don't know how far Ricky is going to take things, but the threat of violence dissolves into sexual tension and humor. Like romantic comedies from the '50s and '60s (which I can't help but feel that Almodóvar is mocking), the romantic/erotic elements are blended with moments of oddball comedy. These bits of humor occur particularly on the film set Marina wrapped up before her kidnapping, which is a horror film about a well-muscled, masked half-man, half-undead monster who is in love with Marina's character and, after murdering several other characters, wants to take her with him to the underworld. There are numerous references to horror films, throughout, including a nice scene where Marina watched NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD while placidly tied up and waiting for Ricky's return.

There's a lovely, if average soundtrack by Ennio Morricone which is more reminiscent of a horror film than a romantic comedy. Apparently Almodóvar only used about half the score and also mixed in some ironic Spanish pop music. There's a nice DVD from Anchor Bay that has a good print and optional subtitles, though sadly no extras. Definitely track it down, particularly if you are a fan of unconventional romantic comedies or any of Almodóvar's work.

THE SWARM

2011-12-08T09:43:00.001-08:00

Irwin Allen, 1978

Starring: Michael Caine, Katherine Ross, Richard Widmark, Richard Chamberlain

It would not be a stretch of the imagination to say that I'm absolutely wild for animal disaster films. I regularly worship at the altar of William Girdler and would generally rather watch JAWS 3 than the original (though I love the whole series). The more ridiculous, the better. Which is why it is a small wonder that it's taken me this long to see THE SWARM.

Dr. Bradford Crane (Caine) is on the trail of a curious new species of bees. Evil, intelligent bees who are some how a genetic cross of sweet tempered, American honeybees and murderous African killer bees. The military, led by General Slater (Widmark) is skeptical of Crane, but is otherwise out of options when dealing with the deadly black cloud of killer bees that is devastating the Texas countryside. A small town near the army base is preparing for their annual flower festival. Can Crane and Slater save them in time? Absolutely not.

They all die.

Second only to KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS, THE SWARM is a solid gold piece of shit. There is some of the most ridiculous dialogue ever committed to film ("But the bees are our friends!") and plot lines wander in and out of the film with reckless abandon. Michael Caine's Crane is the centerpiece of the film, but seems to have little to no idea what is going on, nor does he understand the concept of time in any reasonable way.

Based on the novel of the same name by sci-fi author Arthur Herzog (he also brought us Orca), the combination of a story by Herzog and direction Irwin Allen, despite his impressive resume of sci-fi and disaster films (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, LOST IN SPACE, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea TV series), could not save THE SWARM. Neither could Michael Caine, for that matter, or any of the long list of award winning actors in the film. How they tricked all these big name actors to appear in the film, I have no idea and it truly seems to be a clash of the egos. Besides Caine, Ross and Widmark, we also have appearances from Olivia de Havilland, Lee Grant, Patty Duke, Henry Fonda, Ben Johnson and Jose Ferrer, all vying desperately for as much screen time as they can get. Surprise. All of your characters are going to die (except Caine and Ross, of course). They will probably die mid-plot line, sometimes mid-conversation with half a back story and inexplicable connections to other characters.

Characters aside, we have the bees. They don't just kill people... they also manage to blow up a nuclear power plant (yes... BLOW UP A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT and everyone in the surrounding area is totally fine) and destroy a train. The good general decides to use flame throwers against them, but when the flame throwers don't work, they purposefully spill oil into the Gulf of Mexico, lure the bees there and set the entire Gulf on fire. The truly ironic thing about this is that it's Crane's idea. He originally prevented General Slater from nuking the bees to high heaven out of his CONCERN FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.

From the get-go the film makes absolutely as little sense as possible, with bees taking over a missile silo, killing all the military personell, but then mysteriously disappearing (and I guess taking the bodies with them?). Dr. Crane also waltzes into the missile silo like he doesn't know how he just happened to find his way into a secure military base. And then the President gives him complete control over the military operation.

As a final note, THE SWARM has some of the worst special effects in any '70s film. I don't know how this cost more than 20 million dollars, but if you pick up the Warner DVD, the hilarious documentary will shed a little light on that.

I want to recommend it because of how ridiculous and amazing everything is, but sitting through THE SWARM is a true test of will. The original release was 116 minutes, but for some reason it was expanded to 156 minutes for laser disc and later DVD. Yes, I really did say 156 minutes, which translates to over two and half hours. I sat through the whole thing, but this Youtube compilation might be enough unless you really love bad animal disaster films.

CRUISING

2011-12-07T09:43:00.001-08:00

William Friedkin, 1980

Starring: Al Pacino, Paul Sorvino, Karen Allen, Richard Cox

I'm going to throw caution to the wind and immediately admit that I think CRUISING is William Friedkin's best film, hands down. Sure, THE EXORCIST is iconic. Both films sort of ride on a gimmick - satanic possession in THE EXORCIST and the gay S&M scene in CRUISING - but I still think CRUISING is a more evolved, complex film. Also, where THE EXORCIST has become a household name, CRUISING is still generally reviled.

Al Pacino, in a bold, if confusing move, plays Steve Burns, a lower level police officer who goes undercover in the underground gay S&M scene to help catch a serial killer who is preying upon men of his physical type. The killer takes men home, ties them up, stabs them to death and leaves their body parts in the Hudson. There are few clues and the police department is reluctant to get too involved.

Steve begins to immerse himself in the S&M world, first exploring clubs in the meatpacking district and soon making friends with a gay neighbor who is having boyfriend troubles. Steve himself begins having troubles with his girlfriend and looses interest in their sex life. He brings a suspect to the police for questioning and is repulsed when they beat up and humiliate the man, who is actually innocent. Soon he is alerted to another possible suspect, a music student Steve has been tailing.

Based on the novel, Cruising, by New York Times writer Gerald Walker, Friedkin's film was hated by critics, misunderstood by audiences and equally loathed by anti-gay protestors and gay rights supporters. Critical support has increased over the years, but the film still remains pretty controversial. There seem to be three main issues: the constant, in-your-face gay sexuality, the portrayal of gay sexuality as inherently violent and the ambiguous ending/plot holes.

This film is unapologetically full of sex. It is about sex, sex and more sex and, in particular, leathersex. The title, CRUISING, could imply a police officer on the beat or a person strolling the streets looking for illicit sex. There is a ton of crossover between police uniforms and S&M costumes, as well as between the physical actions of police interrogation and Steve negotiating sex encounters with strangers. I think every scene, in some way, oozes with a sort of filthy sexuality that is indicative of late '70s/early '80s New York cinema. Let's face it, this is a sleazy serial killer film riding right on the coattails of MANIAC, which was released the same year. Speaking of, MANIAC's star Joe Spinell has a cameo in CRUISING as an abusive patrolmen who forces gay club patrons to give he and his partner blow jobs in their patrol car.

Having grown up reading as much as I possibly could on the gay leather scene of the '70s, I had what can only be described as an explosion of joy when I came across the film. There are plenty of explicit scenes and the film was originally given an X rating. Friedkin reportedly had to trim about 40 minutes of footage off of the original print before its theatrical release. If you are homophobic in any way, this film is definitely going to make you uncomfortable. Also, fuck off and don't read my blog ever again.

As for whether or not the film is homophobic, I cannot fairly say. I think it is surprisingly non-judgmental on a surface level, but is obviously problematic at addressing Pacino's latent homosexuality in connection with violence and a possible mental breakdown that occurs toward the end of the film. Honestly I saw this less as a comment on his homosexual desire and more as an exploration of an obviously naive character suddenly immersed in a world full of sexuality and violence, where the line between the two is permanently blurred. With that said, it is also a product of its time and should be seen as such.

While it is not really a realistic portrayal of the leather scene, CRUISING is a wet dream for anyone who loves giallo films and is interested in underground sex culture. If you're used to watching gialli or any of the crime films in the French cinema fantastique, the ambiguities and plot holes are going to be a lot less distracting. One of the things I like so much about this film is the lack of easy answers or solid conclusion. The final scene is also genuinely creepy.

The acting is mostly solid, particularly from the supporting cast. Paul Sorvino is great, as always, and there is a nice cameo from James Remar. The obnoxious Karen Allen barely has a line of dialogue - CRUISING is unmistakably a man's film - and I think the only two female roles are Allen as Pacino's suffering girlfriend and a waitress who has a bit scene spilling coffee. As for Pacino's performance, I know it is highly criticized, but I like him as an actor and think he chose an interesting angle for the performance, intentional or not. Steve is innocent, confused, simply going with the flow. He flounders about (literally, his dancing is painful to watch), which made sense to me, but will likely be irritating for some viewers. Originally Friedkin considered giving the part to Richard Gere. Shudder.

On a side note, The Germs wrote and recorded a handful of songs for the film, though only "Lion's Share" was included. The rest of the soundtrack, which I recommend, was written by Jack Nitzsche, who also composed Nicholas Roeg's PERFORMANCE, Friedkin's THE EXORCIST and Adrian Lyne's 9 1/2 WEEKS, among many others.

I highly recommend CRUISING, though it will only appeal to a certain type of viewer. That is to say, perverts with good taste in movies. Warner, in a surprising move, released a deluxe edition DVD that includes commentary from Friedkin and two documentaries, one about the making of the film and the other about its controversial reception. As far as I know, no director's cut exists and the studio reputedly lost the cut 40 minutes. But that's what Ken Russell thought about THE DEVILS and look how that turned out? Here's hoping.

CRAWLSPACE

2011-12-04T10:39:00.002-08:00

David Schmoeller, 1986

Starring: Klaus Kinski, Talia Balsam, Barbara Whinnery, Carole Francis

A film that unabashedly makes as little sense as possible, CRAWLSPACE is chock full of sleaze, violence and a thoroughly creepy Klaus Kinski, who seems to have totally embraced his role as an ex-Nazi doctor pervert turned murderer. OK, he isn't really an ex-Nazi, rather he is the son of one, but continuous to carry out his father's supposed experiments on the lovely ladies he rents apartments to. He owns a building full of creepy crawlspaces, booby traps and plenty of other nasty surprises. Some of his favorite past times include talking with the woman he keeps in a cage in his attic surgery room (whose tongue he has cut out) and releasing rats into the air vents to creep out the lonely, usually half-naked female tenants.

CRAWLSPACE is entertaining, but is also kind of mind-blowing in its sheer balls-to-the-wall insanity. There is some sex and nudity, but absolutely nothing about this film is sexy, instead it is either silly or just kind of gross. It's hard to imagine '80s-era Kinski actually being erotic, but with all of his sheer madness, who cares? Though don't forget about that weird rape fantasy in the beginning of the film and the unfortunate-looking bunch of '80s ladies who are not babes by any stretch of the imagination.

This is not really a film to review or dissect and it is impossible to wrap your brain around. I'm not sure why it even exists, but it has to be seen to be believed, particularly the tour-de-force ending where Kinski is in full regalia and has lipstick smeared on his face. INSANITY. Director David Schmoeller is also responsible for THE PUPPER MASTER and the equally amazing, equally nonsensical TOURIST TRAP. I hate to say that TOURIST TRAP comes more highly recommended than CRAWLSPACE, but it definitely doesn't have Kinski in it.

Unfortunately CRAWLSPACE doesn't seem to be available on DVD in region 1, though there is a VHS tape and a PAL DVD. Also, it is currently streaming on Netflix, which is how I saw it.

Here's a great interview with Schmoeller, "Please Kill Mr. Kinski," about how horrible it was to work with the great German actor:

THE SKIN I LIVE IN

2011-12-04T08:42:00.000-08:00

Pedro Almodovar, 2011

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Elena Anaya, Marisa Paredes, Jan Cornet

There are a lot of things I love about the handful of Almodovar's films that I've seen, but something in particular that he does with character keeps me coming back for more. He has a way of keeping character untouchable, unknowable, always out of reach. While this might be irritating for more conventional audiences, it is probably my favorite thing about Almodovar as a director. He reminds us not only that characters in film and fiction are never meant to be real people, but also that other people can never be completely known to us and we will only ever see them from certain angles and vantage points.

While I unquestionably loved LA PIEL QUE HABITO, it is a troubled, somewhat elusive film that I can best describe as being a blend of Georges Franju's EYES WITHOUT A FACE and David Cronenberg's DEAD RINGERS. Medical experimentation, sexual horror and a profound sense of identity confusion and displacement connect it with these earlier films, but it still manages to stand on its own as an unsettling tale of mystery, trauma and revenge.

Based loosely on Thierry Jonquet's novel Mygale, THE SKIN I LIVE IN presents us with Robert (Banderas), a surgeon who has been doing some unconventional and possibly immoral experiments on synthetic skin. He also keeps a girl in his home who wears a body suit, is not allowed to leave her room and is always monitored by camera. It becomes clear that Robert has been doing these experiments because he lost his beloved, if unfaithful wife to a fiery car accident and though she survived, she eventually killed herself when she saw the extensive burn damage to her body. The girl, Vera, bears a strange resemblance to his dead wife. There is also the matter of his daughter, who killed herself after a traumatic assault. But who is Vera? How did she get in the room?

Told in a series of chronological leaps backwards and forwards, THE SKIN I LIVE IN is essentially a blend of horror and melodrama. It visits Almodovar's trademark themes of trauma, memory, sexuality and identity, as well as revolving around the two mainstays of body horror: sexual trauma and medical experimentation. Like DEAD RINGERS, THE SKIN I LIVE IN is made up of characters struggling with anxiety and loneliness, characters who are trapped in their own bodies and trying, but miserably failing to make the best of it. The plot is completely implausible, but if you treat it like a horror/sci fi film, the more impossible elements melt away in Almodovar's constantly whirling, changing cinematic creation.

There are plenty of reasons I would recommend this film, but first and foremost is Almodovar's visual style. Full of bold colors, striking set pieces and references to many famous paintings, the set is dripping with important symbolic details that it will probably take a few viewings to catch all of. There is also the importance of masks, costumes and uniforms. Most of the clothes were designed by Jean-Paul Gaultier and they all play critical importance to the various characters' shifting identities, the way that costume shapes personality.

Horror fans will not only enjoy the suggestive, but disgusting body horror elements, but also the clear gothic inspiration. There is an obvious but elegant nod to Victor Frankenstein with Banderas's Robert and it is great to see him return to form. His chilling, but somewhat sympathetic character is reminiscent of some of Hitchcock's handsome, charming if utterly cold and determined villains.

There is a twist that is revealed towards the end of the film, but you're just going to have to see it to find out what it is. I think it's total bullshit that a lot of other reviewers give this away, though ultimately it shouldn't be that surprising to devoted Almodovar fans.

THE SKIN I LIVE IN is currently in select theaters.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART II

2011-12-02T11:43:00.001-08:00

Steve Miner, 1981

Starring: Amy Steel, John Furey, Adrienne King, Kristen Baker, Stuart Charno

Arguably the greatest American slasher film, FRIDAY THE 13TH PART II far outshines the original film in terms of suspense, humor, scares, gore and a much more likable leading lady (Amy Steel). Argue with me. I don't care.

After briefly addressing Alice, the only survivor from the first film, we return to Crystal Lake, which is reopening for a whole new group of counselors who are meeting up for a week of training before camp officially begins. They make fun of the legend of Jason Voorhees, unaware that he is stalking them in the woods. Jason begins to pick off some of the weird locals before moving onto the campers, who are divided into two groups. The first group has gone for one last night out on the town, while the second, who has stayed at camp, are all 100% devoted to getting it on. Ginny is the only survivor of those still at camp and hides in the woods from the rampaging Jason. She discovers his shack, which contains a shrine to his dead mother and uses this to manipulate him, giving her time to injure him and get away. One of the other counselors arrives to help her escape, but Ginny wakes up later in an ambulance, unclear about the final moments with Jason.

There are two things about this film that make it one of my favorite slashers. First is the excellent choice of burlap mask for Jason. The much better known hockey mask is just not scary at all. Possibly because of familiarity at this point, but the burlap sack is terrifying, no matter how many times I see the film. Second is the amazing chase scene towards the end of the film where Ginny runs through the woods and discovers Jason's dingy cabin. She runs into the cabin, horrified, but desperate to find somewhere to hide. While she is looking around frantically, we can see Jason running down the hill through a small window behind Ginny. He is running at full speed and gets fairly close before she notices him. I have no doubt that this moment was probably a happy accident on set, but it's wonderful. Perfect, in fact.

As I mentioned earlier, I think this is superior to the original FRIDAY, though I enjoy that film quite a lot. There plenty of spooky moments leading up to the murders that set the mood and FRIDAY II embraces a certain degree of sleaziness the first film tried to avoid. If you don't believe me, check out the great scene with the poor kid in the wheelchair who is about to get laid. Obviously this is also the first film that names Jason as the antagonist (with the exception of the ill-fated, but still enjoyable FRIDAY V).

Director Steve Miner has a somewhat illustrious horror resume. He helped work on THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and the original FRIDAY before taking the helm on FRIDAY II and moving on to FRIDAY III. He was second unit director for NIGHT OF THE CREEPS and then directed a number of absolute garbage '90s and '00s commercial horror films: WARLOCK, HALLOWEEN H20, LAKE PLACID and the DAY OF THE DEAD remake. You can't win them all, I suppose. Harry Manfredini returns with a similar, but equally great score.

I can't recommend this film enough, particular for slasher fans. Chances are most of you have seen this already, but if it's been 20 years since your last viewing or you don't have fond memories, I encourage you to give it a second chance. There's a nice single disc from Paramount, though you should probably get the sweet box set I have, which includes the first nine films and a ton of special features.

BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB

2011-11-30T09:14:00.000-08:00

Seth Holt, 1971

Starring: Valerie Leon, Andrew Keir, James Villiers, Hugh Burden

An average, if silly entry into the Hammer horror canon, it should come as no surprise that they had to explore their own version of THE MUMMY, but the script by Christopher Wicking is a bit of a mess. Based on Bram Stoker's novel The Jewel of Seven Stars, BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB is the first film to directly adapt this novel, though it was a direct influence on earlier mummy-themed horror films.

Years ago, a group of archaeologists sought to uncover the cursed tomb of beautiful princess Tera, an evil witch who turns out to be miraculously preserved despite the many thousands of years since her death. Fuchs, the professor in charge of the expedition, takes her sarcophagus home to study it. Almost two decades later, his daughter Margaret comes to bear a striking resemblance to Tera and begins to have strange dreams that seem like they come from another time and place. Ancient Egypt, perhaps?

Soon Tera's dormant consciousness bleeds into Margaret's personality and she fears she is going mad. Corbeck, a member of Fuchs' archaeology group, is seeking Margaret's help to restore Tera to life and convinces her Tera was wronged all those years ago by the priests that cut off her hand and then murdered and mummified her. Bodies begin to pile up and Fuchs realizes that he has to choose between Tera and his daughter.

There are plenty of worthwhile elements to this film, namely the lovely cinematography and trademark Hammer atmosphere, so if you are a fan of mummy films or Hammer productions in general, you should definitely seek it out. Also, if you are a fan of boobs. Valerie Leon's rack is so prominent as to be completely distracting. There were actually moments I was unable to focus on plot or dialogue and had to rewind a few frames.

You aren't even reading this review anymore, are you?

This was a rare starring role for the busty Leon, though she has also appeared in THE ITALIAN JOB, THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, REVENGE OF THE PINK PANTHER and NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN.

BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY'S TOMB was intended as a companion piece for the superior, if also flawed DR. JEKYLL AND SISTER HYDE, which in turn was riding the coattails of the very creepy HANDS OF THE RIPPER. BLOOD had a troubled production history, namely the re-casting of Peter Cushing who originally signed on as Fuchs, but left due to a family illness. I can't help but think that the film would have greatly benefitted from his presence. There was also the sudden death of director Seth Holt, who had a heart attack during filming. Mummy's curse indeed...

There's a nice "Hammer Collection" DVD from Anchor Bay that is out of print, but readily available online. It includes some trailers and interviews, but what more can you expect from a latter day Hammer effort?

FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS

2011-11-28T10:50:00.001-08:00

Roman Polanski, 1967

Starring: Jack MacGowran, Roman Polanski, Sharon Tate, Ferdy Mayne

While I'm sure I say that everyone of Polanski's films are among my top ten, FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS OR PARDON ME, BUT YOUR TEETH ARE IN MY NECK really is. Seriously. For real.

Part horror film, part physical comedy and part Hammer horror, Polanski, who wrote, starred and directed, weaves an endearing tale about a vampire hunter, Professor Abronsius, and his hapless assistant Alfred (Polanski). They stumble through Eastern Europe looking for vampires to kill and, unfortunately, they find the creepy Count von Krolock. Alfred falls in love with an innkeeper's daughter, Sarah (Tate), who promptly gets kidnapped by the Count. Abronsius and Alfred rush off to his castle to rescue her, but will they make it in time?

I love this film and in many ways feel like it is one of Polanski's most personal. It was his first color film and only work that is really evocative of a fairy tale, complete with Eastern European setting. There are beautiful sets and lush colors that could give any Hammer production a run for its money. FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS was partly filmed in the studio in England an on location in the Alps. It also has a strange, but excellent score by Polanski's regular composter, Krzysztof Komeda.

There is something beautiful and sad about seeing Tate and Polanski interact together on screen. While a lot of reviewers have remarked that this film is a departure from the rest of his work, I think it contains the same themes presented in different ways. Polanski's Alfred is also the same Kafkaesque character that shows up in a different guise in THE TENANT. FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS might seem even more ridiculous if you first saw the 91 minute theatrical release that MGM recut to make the film more of a farce. This is also where the title and added sub-title come from. These changes greatly upset Polanski, whose much more elegant 107 min director's cut is known as DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES to the rest of the world.

There is an average DVD from Warner, though fortunately this is the full version. Criterion has done such an amazing job with Polanski's other films that I'm hoping they will one day acquire this one and give it the same special treatment. It deserves at least two discs. Plus Warner is the worst at giving quality releases to cult films.

CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE

2011-11-21T11:48:00.000-08:00

Gunther von Frisch, Robert Wise, 1944

Starring: Simone Simon, Kent Smith, Jane Randolph, Ann Carter

Why this was called CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE and billed as a sequel to CAT PEOPLE doesn't make any goddamn sense, which is a shame because it is a melancholy, imaginative film worthy of multiple viewings.

Oliver and Alice Reed, the surviving couple from THE CAT PEOPLE, are married and have a young daughter, Amy. She is an imaginative loner, playing alone and making up complex stories. While Alice dotes on her, Oliver punishes her for these flights of fancy and wishes she was more like other children. She promises her father she will make friends, which she does, though they are not quite what he had in mind. First, she wanders into an abandoned old house and meets an aged actress who befriends her. The actress is suffering from some kind of slight dementia or paranoia and does not believe that her adult daughter is who she claims to be. The daughter is bitter and unloved and, as a result, deeply resents her mother's relationship with Amy.

Later, Amy is visited by Irena, Oliver's dead wife who was an evil were-cat in THE CAT PEOPLE. Irena acts like a guardian angel of sorts to Amy, showing her the wonders of childhood and encouraging her natural intelligence and creativity. Oliver, who is still haunted by his first wife's memory, is outraged when he finds out who Amy's imaginary friend is and drives Amy to run away during a snowstorm. She finds her way to the actress's house and right into the arms of the woman's hateful daughter. Will Amy survive the night?

THE CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE is mostly a fairy tale that blends elements of horror and fantasy. It would make an almost perfect double feature with the beautiful Charles Laughton film, NIGHT OF THE HUNTER, which was produced 10 years later and I can't help but feel was influenced by CURSE.

CURSE is totally separate from the vein of classic Universal horror becoming popular at the time and has more in common with imaginative, non-sequitor horror films like LEMORA: A CHILD'S TALE OF THE SUPERNATURAL or VALERIE AND HER WEEK OF WONDERS, despite the much later dates of these films. Though CURSE is less scary and less surreal than either VALERIE or LEMORA, it is truly a movie that plays by its own rules and is unapologetic about its use of characters from an earlier, unrelated film. If you can get past these strange circumstances, it is a lovely, haunting movie that deserves to be rescued from obscurity.

Two things of interest: this was Robert Wise's first official directing credit and the set, in order to save money, was recycled from Orson Welles' THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS. You can find CURSE on a single disc DVD from Turner with CAT PEOPLE or as part of the Val Lewton box set.

MORE BRAINS! A RETURN TO THE LIVING DEAD

2011-11-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

Bill Philputt, 2011

Starring: Jules Brenner, Don Calfa, James Dalesandro, Clu Gulagar, James Karen

“The events portrayed in this film are all true. The names are real names of real people and real organizations.”

I am probably the worst person to write a review of anything RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD related because I have no ability whatsoever to be objective. I grew up watching and loving the first three films, with the original still remaining among my favorite films of all time. As far as I’m concerned, it’s high time someone made a documentary about this wonderful punk-rock zombie comedy that has since become a cult classic.

And what a documentary it is. Clocking in at well over two hours with all the special features, it is chock full of interviews, behind-the-scenes footage, photos, art, and answers to any question you could possibly have about RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. There are interviews with all of the surviving cast and several of the crew members. Actor Brian Peck (Scuz), who kept himself involved with the RETURN franchise over the years, narrates. Actress Beverly Randolph (Tina) co-hosts some of the special features with Peck and also acts as the documentary’s executive producer.

Obviously it’s appealing to any RETURN fan, but even if you have a passing interest in horror or want to learn more about how films are made, MORE BRAINS will be of interest. Despite it’s long running time, it flies by and was clearly a labor of love from every person involved. The amount of information packed in is a little mind-blowing. It’s a little unorganized at times, with everyone clamoring to give their opinion, but this usually feels more like a strength than a weakness.

Usually I feel like special features are superfluous, but these are actually very enjoyable. There are featurettes about the making of RETURN 2 and RETURN 3, a filming locations featurette, a music video, deleted scenes, and, the icing on the cake, director/writer Dan O’Bannon’s final interview. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I cried, but I definitely teared up at the end. Even though he could apparently be a bastard on the set, he was a great man and made many wonderful contributions to the horror genre. He will be missed.

MORE BRAINS is available on DVD from Michael Perez Entertainment and was created by the same team responsible for NEVER SLEEP AGAIN, the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET documentary.

I also had the good fortune to talk with RETURN actress/MORE BRAINS executive producer Beverly Randolph, who answered a few questions about her experience with the film and the documentary.

Satanic Pandemonium: How did you come to be involved in the documentary as an executive producer?

Beverly Randolph: I had started a previous documentary on THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD with a co-star but had a difference on how it was to be edited. Michael Perez thought it might be nice to have Thommy Hutson of horror documentary fame have a go at it. We all agreed and proceeded with MORE BRAINS. Clearly the right choice!

SP: What was it like to be submerged in the RETURN OF THE LIVING world again after so many years?

Randolph: It was great fun! Everyone was in communications again after such a long time. I have been in touch with quite a few crew members and a lot of cast members already but to expand beyond that was pure joy to me. The cast already keeps together by doing signings and appearances all around the country. We truly are like a big family.
I must say too, that it was like going to therapy! Getting all of the bad stuff out and finally telling what really happened. It felt good.

SP: One of my favorite things about MORE BRAINS is how enthusiastic and heartfelt everyone seems when they talk about their experiences on the RETURN set. What impact did it have on your life?

Randolph: It made me want to run from show business! I now know that what happened to me was not "the norm." At that time it scared me quite a bit. The impact on me now has made me want to jump back in to the film business with both feet. Going to all the conventions and appearances are so rewarding. The people we meet are the nicest fans/friends. It makes you feel so fortunate.

SP: I feel like any question I could ask about your work on RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD has already been answered in the very thorough documentary, but is there anything you’d like to say about it?

Randolph: Without crying this time... I would again like to thank all the wonderful fans. Without their warmth and kindness, our ride would have been over a long time ago.

In addition to Beverly Randolph’s kind words, I managed to squeeze in a second, more behind-the-scenes interview. My love for horror and sci-fi is apparently genetic. My uncle, Drew Deighan, was lucky enough to be cast as Ambulance Driver #1 in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (which you can learn about in MORE BRAINS). I was lucky enough to be able to ask him a few questions about the experience.

SP: I wanted to interview you because you're my uncle and you're awesome, but also because I always think it's interesting to get perspectives on filmmaking from some of the fringe cast/crew members. Namely people who got a bird's eye view of the situation. Were you involved in any other parts of the production than just Ambulance Driver #1?

Deighan: Short answer, yes. Longer answer: I was originally hired to be a "stand in" which is an actual job where you stand around, watch what the real actors are doing during the blocking of the scene and then when they all go away to eat jelly beans, snort coke or shoot craps, you move to those spots (marks) for the Director of Photography who then lights the scene accordingly. As a result, I was on the film for the entire shoot, every day, all day and saw EVERYTHING. I know where all the bodies are buried -- figuratively, literally and politically. I was also one of the zombies that first come up out of the ground after it starts to rain and it's my hand that's the first hand you see coming up out of the ground. Essentially I was the "utility infielder" for the whole shoot and would up doing quite a few things, some of which I don't like to talk about because of how it scarred me psychologically.

SP: Can you talk about what that process was of acting as a zombie coming up out of the grave was like?

Deighan: They had built a fake hillside from wood on location to act as the graveyard and even filled certain parts of it with "edible mud" - at least they told us it was edible but that might have just been bullshit to keep the squeamish from complaining too much. By the time they got ready to shoot that scene, (there weren't any of the cast scheduled for that night -- they were just shooting the zombies) and the art department/set decorator guys asked me if I wanted to be a zombie. Being a "hand to mouth" actor at that point, I said sure, cause it meant another day's work (I wasn't on the call sheet for stand-in work that night). When the DP, Jules Brenner, found out I was going to be there as a zombie, he also made the command decision that they'd use me to be the close up hand that first comes out of the ground as well. As far as "acting" and "process," even though I was a classically trained actor who'd attended the American Academy of Dramatics Arts, I wasn't putting a whole lot of thought into what my character motivation was ("find brains and eat them?"). Basically it was "don't F up the shot," an "let's try and do it right the first time cause it's cold, they're using fake rain and we all want to get clean and dry as quickly as possible." After it was all over and I'd emerged from the fake hill in full zombie make up and zombie costume from inside edible mud with 30 other zombies, and everyone cold, wet, tired and completely covered in mud, I looked at one of the art department girls and said, "Well, I guess I can add that to my list of things I don't ever need to do again."

SP: On a scale of one to ten, how much fun was it to get eaten by zombies?

Deighan: Zombies only rate a 4, cause after the initial excitement of finding a meal, they're kinda just plodders. Now... your werewolves? Much more style and gore. I give them an 7 easy, maybe a 8. Getting flayed and then munched on by a Balrog is probably the pinnacle of being consumed by something that's nasty. Just ask Sir Ian McKellen.

SP: Do you have a specific favorite memory of making the film?

Deighan: Yes. We had just moved indoors to shoot at a converted warehouse in Simi Valley and no more night shoots. Everyone was hoping that Dan O'Bannon would not be as big a tool inside in day time as he had been outside at night. Sadly, that was not the case and he somehow managed to be an even bigger ass. Anyway, we were shooting a scene with almost the whole cast/crew present and he was just being a full-on Richard Cranium (much more advanced form of Dick Head) and everyone wanted to kill him. Anyway, somehow I would up with a water pistol in my hand and decided to have some fun. I squirted Dan a couple of times for the cast - all of whom seemed to know that I was doing it. Never got caught, either. Stand In 1 - Dan O'Bannon 0.

SP: Everyone who grew up watching RETURN (as well as some of the cast members, it seems) had a major crush on Linnea Quigley. So far I've heard nothing but positive stories about people working with her in various films. Can you talk at all about what she was like on set?

Deighan: My memory was that she was very quiet and very sweet -- but as I was pretty much a nobody on the set, she had no real reason to talk with me anyway. Also, she was pretty punked out for the film and, as punk chicks were never really my type, I didn't pay much attention - at least until the night we shot the scene where "Trash" decides to get naked. Linnea had a smokin' hot body, and that night anyway, she definitely had my full attention.

SP: One of the things that makes the documentary so enjoyable is that all the cast and crew, almost thirty years later, talk about how great it was and their amazing memories of the film. Why do you think this small film, which has obviously grown over the years, was so impactful for the people who made the film?

Deighan: The people making the film were amazingly wonderful, very professional and extremely interesting and talented people who all banded together even more closely than they ordinarily might have because Dan was consumed with being such a dick most of the time. People remember making the film so fondly I think because it was a little like going to sea with Captain Ahab and we knew we all needed to pull each other through. At the time we were shooting, Hemdale (the production company) was also making another little film called "The Terminator." During the shoot, the producers (Hemdale was producing both films) thought that both could be somewhat successful but weren't sure which one would pull ahead - thus reinforcing my belief in William Goldman's statement that "no one in Hollywood knows anything." Beyond that, for me personally, even though they made some great films in a very short amount of time, Orion went bankrupt in 10 quick years and so, financially, other than SAG scale I've never seen a dime (no real residuals for the actors, cause you can't get blood from a turnip). Frankly, I had no idea that the film had become such a cult classic -- at least until Beverly Randolph called me up out of the blue a few months ago and told me that the producers wanted me to be in the documentary.

SP: You should have asked me! Finally, can you say something about what it was like to work with Dan O'Bannon? He will be missed sorely by horror fans everywhere.

Deighan: Um... you mean something nice? Seriously I think he was a marvelous writer and obviously has the writing credits to back that sentiment up. As a director, though, he floundered around and didn't really know how to express to people what he really wanted and would then very quickly became frustrated and start taking out his own inability to communicate effectively on other people by bullying and belittling them. Other than that, I'm sure he was probably a good conversationalist among people he considered his friends.

Thanks Drew and Beverly! Send more paramedics...

Originally written for Cinedelphia.

THE CAT PEOPLE (1942)

2011-11-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

Jacques Tourneur, 1942

Starring: Simone Simon, Tom Conway, Kent Smith, Jane Randolph

A truly wonderful horror-noir hybrid that comes highly recommended, CAT PEOPLE is a collaboration between director Tourneur and famed writer/producer Val Lewton and is one of the best American horror films to come out of the '40s.

Irena, a Serbian fashion designer, has a chance meeting with Oliver when she is at the Central Park Zoo drawing the black panther. They strike up a close bond and begin to fall in love. Irena explains her heritage to Oliver - she is believed to be descended from Serbian witches who could transform into cats. They were killed by the Christian King John, who drove them from the villages to live in the mountains. Oliver thinks she is merely suffering from a combination of paranoia and superstition, but Irena makes it clear that she is afraid sexual passion is the inciting element that will make her transform into a murderous panther.

They marry anyway, but Irena refuses to consummate the marriage. At first Oliver is patient, but encourages her to see a psychiatrist. Meanwhile, Oliver and his assistant Alice are growing closer and Alice admits that she loves Oliver. Irena becomes jealous of Alice and follows her home one night. Irena refuses to let go of her delusions. The situation worsens when Oliver tells Irena he loves Alice and wants a divorce. Can Irena let Oliver and Alice go? Is she psychologically disturbed or is she really a satanic beast?

I can't say enough good things about THE CAT PEOPLE. It is sad, subtle, scary and compelling and I am loathe to give away the ending of the film. It was Lewton's first production in a long line of classic '40s and '50s horror films for RKO and is a perfect blend of his writing talent and Tourneur's noir-influenced visual style. The Freudian (and even post-Freudian) interpretation of sexual repression and intense blend of desire and fear comes across powerfully through Simone Simon's Irena. She is sinister, but totally sympathetic and we spend most of the film hoping she can overcome the power of belief and suggestion. She cannot. Simon gives a hypnotic performance, despite the parlor-room acting usually exhibited in '40s cinema.

Please watch this film at the first opportunity you get. Seriously.

The film is available as part of a two-film single-disc DVD from Turner with its loose sequel, THE CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE. I recommend the entire Val Lewton box set, which comes with a number of other great films: THE BODY SNATCHER, ISLE OF THE DEAD, BEDLAM, THE LEOPARD MAN, THE GHOST SHIP, THE SEVENTH VICTIM and SHADOWS IN THE DARK. Keep in mind there are two versions. The more recent edition has an extra disc with a Scorcese-produced documentary on Lewton.

THE CRIMSON RIVERS

2011-11-10T12:04:00.000-08:00

Mathieu Kassovitz, 2000

Starring: Jean Reno, Vincent Cassel, Nadia Fares, Dominique Sanda

It was too much for me to resist. A French serial killer film starring two of my favorite actors, the inimitable Jean Reno and the sassy Vincent Cassel. I knew that there was no way this could actually be a good film, but I was stuck on the couch, hung over, and Comcast On Demand led me down a bad, bad path.

Fancypants Detective Niemans (Reno) is investigating a murder at an old, prestigious university in the middle of the French Alps. A corpse has been discovered with severed hands and removed eyeballs. Some evidence leads him to the glaciers and he seeks out the help of Fanny, a glaciologist at the university. Nearby, free-spirited and lower ranking Detective Kerkerian (Cassel) is investigating the desecration of a local girl's grave. This leads him down a twisted, confusing path and the two detectives are drawn together as their case gets bloodier. And much more confusing.

This movie actually makes no sense. Whatsoever. Without giving anything away, I can tell you that it's not really a serial killer movie, instead, it has to do with a conspiracy about scientists at the university doing genetic experiments. I feel totally flummoxed and have no idea what to say about it. It's not a good film, so I can't recommend it. But I almost want other people to see how much of a ridiculous, non-sensical mind fuck it is. It's been a long time since I've seen a film that DOESN'T ATTEMPT TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING and instead spends the duration of the running time focused on

a) how fucking awesome the two lead actors are; they spend most of the movie doing WHATEVER they want

b) gory dead bodies

c) the magnificent scenery

If there is a reason to watch this, the shots where Cassel and Fares go down into the glaciers is it. It's amazing. Also, I looked it up and the university is not real, which I'm kind of disappointed about. I still want to visit the French Alps, though.

Actually, I changed my mind. It is entertaining, but in a big dumb action film sort of way; there are even some great fights and chase scenes. It's more of a thriller than a horror film and is based on a novel of the same name by Jean-Christophe Grange, who actually co-wrote the script. I wonder if it made any more sense to him?

If you do decide to watch it, make sure you track down the Sony DVD. Do not, I repeat DO NOT watch it on Comcast if that option is available to you. For some reason, probably because Americans are stupid, they decided to dub the film into English. The three leads all dub their own voices, which is OK. But everyone else is dubbed with these horribly generic American robot voices that probably made the film see much more ridiculous than it already is. Whew.

BURNT OFFERINGS

2011-11-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

Dan Curtis, 1976

Starring: Oliver Reed, Karen Black, Burgess Meredith, Eileen Heckart, Lee Montgomery, Bette Davis

A haunted house film with a surprising, somewhat brilliant twist. I watched a number of Oliver Reed films this October and while he has a lot of excellent horror performances, this is definitely one of his finest. Plus he's pretty dreamy while doing battle with those trees.

A small family is looking to rent an affordable home for the summer. They stumble across the Allardyce mansion, a beautiful but dilapidated Victorian-style building, which the two aged Allardyce siblings will rent to them for a very low fee. The only catch is that their very old mother will remain in the house all summer and only needs to be brought meals a few times a day. Though Ben (Reed) has a bad feeling about it his wife Marian (Black) convinces him and they set off with their son Davey (Montgomery) and Ben's older aunt (Davis). They soon find out that the house has more than one catch. It inspires an increasingly escalated level of violence in its residents and the pain and suffering helps to restore the house to its former glory.

Though it hasn't aged very well, I recommend BURNT OFFERINGS if you enjoy haunted house films, but especially if you're tired of the same old tropes. Oliver Reed gives an excellent performance, as do most of the supporting cast. Burgess Meredith is certainly at his most terrifying. Karen Black, on the other hand, is insufferable from beginning to end and I was hoping something truly dreadful and violent would happen to her.

Overall it's a great example of '70s horror, but it's hard not to enjoy the work of Dan Curtis. Surely the man responsible for some of the greatest horror television in history (Dark Shadows and The Night Stalker) is going to churn out an excellent horror film or two. Sadly, both of them involve Karen Black.

Based on Robert Marasco's book of the same name, BURNT OFFERINGS was an obvious influence on later, scary house films like AMITYVILLE HORROR and THE SHINING, though the latter obviously eclipses its original influence. It's worth seeing the film for the interesting effects. Though there isn't a lot of gore, there are some wonderful scenes of the house restoring itself after something violent has happened.

There's a surprisingly shitty DVD from MGM that includes the entire 116 minute running time. Yes, for some reason it's almost two hours long. Maybe one day someone will restore it, particularly the questionable sound. A documentary wouldn't be remiss either; though this version includes a commentary with Dan Curtis, Karen Black and the screenwriter William F. Nolan, they sound like they need a refresher course half the time.

THE HAUNTING (1963)

2011-11-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

Robert Wise, 1963

Starring: Julie Harris, Claire Bloom, Richard Johnson, Russ Tamblyn

One of the greatest films about a haunted house based on one of the greatest novels about the same subject, Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House. This is included in my trilogy of greatest classic haunted house films ever made, which includes THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE and THE CHANGELING.

Paranormal investigator, Dr. Markaway, is trying to prove, once and for all, the existence of the supernatural. He takes a couple of research subjects to a mansion that is allegedly the most haunted house in America, Hill House. He brings the future owner of Hill House, Luke, who is the rational skeptic of the group, as well as two women, Eleanor and Theo, who are "sensitive" and have had documented paranormal experiences in the past. Eleanor aka Nell is particularly drawn to the house. She has spent almost her entire adult life caring for her sick mother, who has recently died, and seeks adventure and liberation from the shackles of the past. The house calls to her and a number of macabre events unfold. When his wife makes a surprise visit, Dr. Markaway realizes that Nell has to be taken out of the house, but it may be too late.

One of the most influential haunted house films ever made, THE HAUNTING is chilling, suspenseful and also manages to be a sensitive portrayal of one woman's trauma. Julie Harris's pathetic, almost tragic Nell is truly the driving force of the film. While she is not always a likable character, she is sympathetic and curious enough to pull us along with her as she gets sucked further and further into the psychic aura of the house. I know I'm gushing, but I really can't say enough good things about the film. It has complex characters, a simple plot, and absolutely beautiful visuals. Wise balances everything perfectly and does justice to Jackson's remarkable novel, even if he has to change a few minor details along the way.

And while I tend to hate feminist horror (fuck "The Yellow Wallpaper," seriously), Jackson does an amazing job combining a terrifying yarn with real female issues of the time, namely the difficult expression of sexuality and domestic life as an absolute prison. Between the insecure, almost psychotic Nell and the sexually confident but troubled Theo, Jackson presents two believable and sympathetic female characters.

Twin Peaks fans, prepare to have your minds blown by a very young Russ Tamblyn as the skeptical, greedy Luke.

If you haven't seen this film... FOR SHAME. Pick up the unfortunately very basic Warner DVD and school yourselves. As a final note, FUCK THE 1999 REMAKE. I have no idea why that travesty was ever visited upon the earth.

CREATURE WITH THE BLUE HAND

2011-11-09T07:52:00.001-08:00

Alfred Vohrer, 1967

Starring: Klaus Kinski, Harald Leipnitz, Carl Lange, Ilse Steppat

DIE BLAUE HAND aka THE BLOODY HAND is a particular genre of film that I enjoy immensely, but don't think I've ever covered on this blog before: the krimi, or German crime mystery. Usually based on the works of British murder mystery novelists like Edgar Wallace who wrote the source novel for this film, krimi films are sort of the German version of gialli. They are generally stylistic crime thrillers with gruesome enough elements that they are usually marketed as horror films. Shot mostly in Germany and Denmark by Rialto, most of them were dubbed in English to create a British market.

CREATURE WITH THE BLUE HAND has all the elements: over the top acting, dialogue heavy scenes, a maniac on the loose, terrible dubbing and an extremely complicated plot that involves dark secrets and plenty of double crossing. It also has Klaus Kinski.

Kinski plays twins Dave and Richard Emerson, two of the least German names imaginable. Dave has been committed to an insane asylum for crimes he is innocent of, so he escapes and sneaks back to his ancestral family mansion to prove his innocence and his brother Richard's guilt. There is a family legend about a peculiar suit of armor that has a blue glove with razor sharp claws, but the glove has never been found. It seems some mysterious, hooded figure has uncovered the glove and is now using it to kill an astounding amount of people. Can Dave prove his innocence and Richard's guilt before everyone gets killed by the creature with the blue hand?

Sure, it's a little schlocky, but CREATURE WITH THE BLUE HAND is incredibly entertaining. The film feels dated and the dubbing is appalling, but it's well-paced, suspenseful and has an almost Scooby Doo level of plot twists. There are some very creepy visuals between the medieval looking manor and the asylum. I don't want to ruin any surprises, but if you're new to krimi, this is a great place to start. Keep your eye on the many memorable side characters from the suspicious mother to the quirky Scotland Yard detective, to the eccentric butler, who is my favorite character next to Kinski's Dave.

A note on THE BLOODY HAND: Sam Sherman came along and added some extra gore. This "new" print is known as THE BLOODY HAND and, as far as I'm concerned, should be avoided. Unfortunately the only way to get CREATURE WITH THE BLUE HAND on DVD is the double feature Image DVD that also contains THE BLOODY HAND. For some mystifying reason, Image has put most of the work into restoring THE BLOODY HAND, which has an impressive commentary and a superior looking print. I'm not sure why they didn't lavish any of this attention on CREATURE WITH THE BLUE HAND, but I still recommend that version over the newer doctored print.

THE MEPHISTO WALTZ

2011-11-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

Paul Wendkos, 1971

Starring: Alan Alda, Jacqueline Bisset, Barbara Perkins, Bradford Dillman, Curt Jurgens

I'm not really sure how I feel about THE MEPHISTO WALTZ. As satanic cinema goes, it's pretty entertaining. It's a flawed film, to be certain, but there is an underlying veneer of absolute sleaze that kept me going and made me watch the film again after years of not having seen it.

Failed pianist turned journalist Myles Clarkson gets a chance to interview Duncan Ely, the greatest living pianist. The haughty Duncan soon notices Myles' perfect hands and takes a passionate interest in his new protege. Myles is soon brought into Duncan's inner circle, which is full of a bunch of rich weirdos, as well as Duncan's creepy daughter Roxanne. Myles's hot wife, Paula, is turned off by the couple and is suspicious of their intentions. It turns out she might have a point - Duncan and his daughter have some weird satanic paraphernalia around the house that foreshadows the worst. When Duncan dies of a chronic illness, Roxanne performs a ritual that transfers Duncan's spirit into Myles's body. Paula doesn't notice at first, thinking that her husband's personality change is from renewed confidence in his piano playing that was inspired by his relationship with Duncan. But soon he takes over Duncan's touring schedule and Roxanne takes Paula's place in Myles's bed and she begins to suspect the worst. But who would possibly believe her?

On the surface, this is an average tale about an artist making a bargain with the Devil. It hasn't aged particularly well, but is worth a look mostly because of its seedy underbelly. Full of backstabbing, manipulation, sex, murder, incest, satanic rituals and even child killing, THE MEPHISTO WALTZ is full of surprises. There is also kind of a surprise ending, where the character who gives us our moral center, Paula, makes a surprisingly amoral decision. I actually had to go back and watch the scene twice to make sure I saw what I thought I did.

It is also full of some very creepy visuals and a pleasant score by Jerry Goldsmith. Continuing on with my string of reviews in some way related to classical music, THE MEPHISTO WALTZ is named after a famed piece by the amazing Franz Liszt. Liszt, in turn, took his inspiration from Nikolaus Lenau's Faust. It is allegedly one of the most difficult pieces ever written for the piano. Part of this wonderful composition is included in the score.

On the other hand, the film can be a little hard to get through because all the characters are essentially selfish bastards who will sacrifice everything to live hedonistic lives of pleasure, wealth and fame. While this seems like a great idea, most of the dialogue is totally insufferable. I spent most of the film hoping Satan would turn up and transplant everyone into a lake of fire. Alan Alda, while I generally enjoy him, is also painful to watch as Myles/Duncan. Jacqueline Bisset gives an enjoyable performance and she's such a babe that it doesn't really matter either way. The real star of the film is Curt Jurgens and it's a shame that his character has to die relatively early in the film.

Unfortunately it is somewhat hard to find on DVD. There's an MGM double feature region 1 DVD with THE HOUSE ON SKULL MOUNTAIN that is still available and is part of their excellent Midnite Movies series.

MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH

2011-11-07T14:51:00.000-08:00

Roger Corman, 1964

Starring: Vincent Price, Hazel Court, Jane Asher, David Weston, Nigel Green

Based on one of my favorite Poe stories, "The Masque of the Red Death," along with dashes of another great story, "Hop Frog," this AIP/Corman/Price vehicle tells the wicked tale of Prince Prospero, satan worshipper and libertine extraordinaire. During his reign of terror falls the Red Death (the plague), so he shuts himself and a number of his favorite courtiers up in his castle to party the hours away while villagers outside die tormented deaths. Prospero is convinced that the plague can't touch him because of his allegiance with satan.

MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH is one of my favorite '60s horror films and should be seen by every horror fan, particularly fans of the great Vincent Price. Like most of the other movies he starred in, this is truly his film. There's also an excellent screenplay by regular Twilight Zone scribe Charles Beaumont, perfectly bringing together the most horrifying elements of Poe's story and keeping our attention for the entire running time. The real face off is between Prospero and Francesca, the innocent Christian girl he is trying to seduce away from her true love. Beaumont manages to weave a compelling tale about cruelty, passion and faith that will probably interest most film fans, not only genre aficionados.

Incredibly stylish from start to finish, MASQUE is a gothic spectacle and truly beautiful film. It is certainly one of Corman's best and is the most powerful effort in the Corman/Price/Poe cycle. There are some moments, namely the grisly conclusion, that will still manage to raise a few hairs on the back of your neck. There are a couple of different versions released by MGM on DVD, though I recommend the double feature with PREMATURE BURIAL.

THE CURSE OF THE CRIMSON ALTAR

2011-11-07T13:06:00.001-08:00

Vernon Sewell, 1968

Starring: Christopher Lee, Boris Karloff, Barbara Steele, Mark Eden, Virginia Wetherill

If you're a fan of British horror, CURSE OF THE CRIMSON ALTAR is worth tracking down. Based loosely on Lovecraft's story "Dreams in the Witch House," it's satanic, sometimes psychedelic and has some of the best actors in the genre under one haunted roof.

Antique dealer Robert Manning goes to find his missing brother after receiving a strange phone call. He winds up in Greymarsh at an ancestral lodge owned by Morley (Lee), where he is invited to stay, look for his brother, and attend a partially naked party hosted by Morley's hot young niece Eve. Despite everyone's assertions that his brother was never here, he comes across strange clues and begins to have vivid hallucinations in the middle of the night. He learns that he has been dreaming of Lavinia Morley (Steele), the evil witch of Greymarsh and ancestor of Eve. Robert is unsure who is innocent or guilty and whether or not the local occult expert, Professor Marshe (Karloff), is trying to help or hinder his investigation. Can he find his brother before he is claimed by Lavinia?

Produced by Tigon, the lesser known sibling of Hammer and Amicus, CURSE OF THE CRIMSON ALTAR is slow in bits, but for the most part is a rewarding exercise in late '60s satanic panic. It's nice to see so many genre favorites together, clearly having a good time. The vividly colorful hallucination scenes with Steele as Lavinia are not to be missed. There are plenty of people disappointed by this film, but if you lighten your expectations a bit, it's worth at least one viewing and would make a nice double feature with a more robust film like WICKER MAN.

CURSE is currently unavailable on region 1 DVD, but you can find it on VHS and it's streaming on Netflix as THE CRIMSON CULT. Be aware that this is the somewhat cut print that has trimmed some of the sexiness from the intro and hallucination scenes. Personally, I think the original name is better. To make things a little more confusing, it's also known as THE CRIMSON ALTAR, THE REINCARNATION, SPIRIT OF THE DEAD, and WITCH HOUSE. Please don't confuse SPIRIT OF THE DEAD with the English title for the wonderful Poe-inspired anthology film, SPIRITS OF THE DEAD. You can still find the region 2 DVD online, though it is technically out of print.

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY

2011-11-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

Albert Lewin, 1945

Starring: George Sanders, Hurd Hatfield, Donna Reed, Angela Lansbury, Lowell Gilmore

Oscar Wilde ranks among one of my favorite writers of all time, so it would be reasonable to assume that I would passionately hate any adaptations of his work. Normally, that's how I roll. For whatever reason, this was not the case with THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY, which I actually loved. Partly a post-gothic drama and partly a classic horror film, it mostly follows the plot of Wilde's novel with a few deviations that make sense in terms of pacing and time period.

The beautiful, young and wealthy Dorian Gray is having his portrait painted by the morally upstanding Basil Hallward. Basil's rakish friend Lord Henry looks in on them and begins schooling Dorian in the ways of the world and opens Dorian's eyes to the fact that his youth and beauty will not last. He insists that Dorian should make the best of them while he can and live a life motivated by pleasure. Dorian makes a wish of sorts on the painting that he will always look the same.

Later he meets a much lower class singer and actress, Sibyl Vane, who he falls in love with. He begins to court her and decides they will marry, but changes his mind on a whim and cruelly breaks her heart. He regrets this, but before he can reconcile things, Sibyl kills herself. Dorian is heartbroken with what he has done, but squashes his emotions and proceeds to live the most debaucherous life imaginable. All the while, the portrait, which he has locked away, begins to look twisted and ugly. Many years later, Basil catches a glimpse of the portrait and confronts Dorian about his bad behavior, which leads to a downward spiral of death and deception until Dorian is forced to face himself. Literally.

Hurd Hatfield is wonderful as Dorian, but there is something about the shape of his face and the length of his chin than reminds me of another one of my favorite writers, H.P. Lovecraft. I think the weird union of two of my favorite authors is part of what made this film so endearing to me. Also keep your eyes peeled for a very young Angela Lansbury as Sibyl Vane. Unfortunately I grew up watching Murder She Wrote re-runs and can only see her as an older woman using her powers of deduction, which is a little disorienting in this case.

DORIAN GRAY was written and directed by Albert Lewin, whose earlier film, PANDORA AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN may also be of interest. It is an Ava Gardner/James Mason vehicle that is a noir influenced tragedy about a femme fatale unable to fall in love and an undead prisoner of the Flying Dutchman. Yes, you read that plot synopsis correctly.

Any readers who live in Chicago can visit the wonderful painting created specifically for this film by Ivan Albright, as it is now housed in the Art Institute there. Coincidentally, look out for the weird technicolor parts of the film that showcase the painting. Kind of a bad choice.

On a final note, it's a melancholy, lovely film with some great cinematography, for which it actually won an Academy Award. The dialogue makes excellent use of Wilde's wit, which is sad and humorless for most of the film. Also, it makes great use of Chopin, another one of my favorite miserable artists.

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY comes highly recommended and is available on a simple region 1 DVD from Warner. I also obviously recommend the novel, which is one of my favorites.

THE BEAST WITH FIVE FINGERS

2011-11-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

Robert Florey, 1946

Starring: Robert Alda, Peter Lorre, Andrea King, Victor Francen

One of the most enjoyably ridiculous films I've seen in a long time, THE BEAST WITH FIVE FINGERS is not sure if it wants to be a whodunnit, a haunted house film, or a psychological thriller. It doesn't work particularly well as any of the above, but is a hell of a good time, in part because of the delirious performance by the great Peter Lorre.

Francis Ingram, a famous, albeit tyrannical piano player, dies leaving behind a questionable will. It seems that he wanted to leave his considerable estate to Julie, his young nurse that he was in love with, but his nephew is contesting it based on an earlier will in which everything was left to him. Hilary (Lorre), Ingram's librarian and musicologist, is obsessed with the library and a number of rare, valuable occult books and is determined to keep them regardless of who gets the rest of the property. Ingram also has plans of his own - his spectral hand begins to haunt the manor and bodies begin to pile up. Are the murders the work of the diabolically possessed hand or is the killer all too human?

Despite a script by Curt Siodmak, the plot, which was already a bit of a disaster, is made more complicated by a love story between nurse Julie and Ingram's friend Conrad, a conman and ex-concert pianist. As long as you don't question any of the more absurd elements, the film is endearing and enjoyable.

THE BEAST WITH FIVE FINGERS comes highly recommended if you like older, campier horror where there are genuine chills as well as plenty of laughs (intentional and otherwise). As in everything, Lorre is wonderful and steals the show away from every other actor, except maybe J. Carrol Naish, the roguish police inspector. For the musically inclined, the score was chosen by Max Steiner and is an arrangement of Bach's chaconne from the Violin Partita in D Minor by Brahms, intended to be played with the left-hand only. The pianist shown on screen is Nyiregyhazi, a famous Hungarian-American musician.

Unfortunately the film is not available on DVD, though you can still find it used on VHS and, with a bit of cunning, it can be easily tracked down on the internet. If you seek out and enjoy this film, also look into THE HANDS OF ORLAC and another Lorre vehicle, MAD LOVE.

DRESSED TO KILL (1980)

2011-11-03T12:44:00.001-07:00

Brian De Palma, 1980

Starring: Michael Caine, Angie Dickinson, Nancy Allen, Keith Gordon

Though I'm somewhat reluctant to admit it, DRESSED TO KILL is my favorite De Palma film by far. Wait, I'm sorry. My favorite non-musical De Palma film.

Angie Dickinson plays Kate Miller, a repressed housewife who has a libido like a cat in heat. She goes to see a psychiatrist, Dr. Elliott (Caine) to deal with her desires. One afternoon, while visiting an art museum, she lets herself get involved in an affair, but when she tries to sneak back home to her husband and teenage son, she is brutally murdered by a mysterious blonde woman. This murder is witnessed by prostitute Liz Blake (Allen), who has to try to figure out the identity of the blonde assassin before her own life is forfeit. With the help of Dr. Elliott and Kate's tech-savvy teenage son, Liz tries to get to the bottom of the murderer's identity in time.

Yes, in many ways, DRESSED TO KILL is a blatant homage to Hitchcock. But what's wrong with that? I would rather see a thousand decent Hitchcock rip-offs that most of the garbage coming out of Hollywood lately. It's sleazy as hell. I mean, the film opens with a woman masturbating in the shower to a rape fantasy while her witless husband stands shaving at the sink.

There are great performances from Dickinson and Caine, who I would watch in anything. Dickinson in particular brings an almost disgusting level of sexuality to the screen that unfortunately fades when she is killed. Allen is annoying, but I'm not sure if that can be blamed on her performance or the script. Either way, she plays a convincing part as an amoral call girl more concerned with staying alive than with playing by any conventional rules.

As long as you can get past some of the weird, slow-mo shots, this comes highly recommended. Not technically a horror film, it is more of a perverse murder mystery/thriller. I also recommend the creepy Pino Donaggio score. Though set and shot in New York, Philly locals will be interested to know that the interior art museums scenes were shot in the Philadelphia Art Museum. There's an MGM special edition DVD that might be a little annoying to track down, but that comes with a nice documentary and some interesting featurettes.

THE NINTH GATE

2011-11-03T10:39:00.001-07:00

Roman Polanski, 1999

Starring: Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, Emmanuelle Seigneur

I have an almost obsessive love for the films of Roman Polanski, but, as they say, the buck apparently stops here. I briefly covered THE NINTH GATE in my Guide to Satanic Cinema and I still think it's worthy of a viewing, particularly if you want to watch something satanically themed. And I also maintain that it's a better film than THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE, if only because it lacks the absolutely flaccid Keanu Reeves.

With that said, it isn't a good film and it takes a lot for me to admit that Polanski may have missed the mark.

Based on Perez-Reverte's novel The Dumas Club, THE NINTH GATE follows the career of morally-questionable rare books dealer Dean Corso (Depp). He is hired by the very wealthy Boris Balkan (Langella) to track down all three copies of a rare book supposedly written by the devil himself. The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows is a seventeenth century tome with few surviving copies. Balkan wants Corso to track down the two remaining copies in Europe and persuade their owners to part with them; at the least, he wants Corso to carefully compare the books and the engravings printed in them.

Corso is reluctant to set out on this adventure, but can't turn down the money. He immediately meets with resistance in the form of the sultry widow Liana Telfer (Olin), whose dead husband sold her copy of the book to Balkan. She will do anything to get it back. Meanwhile, Corso keeps running into a strange woman (Seigneur), who seems to be some sort of guardian angel. Can he track down all the copies and keep his life at the same time?

While the plot is interesting and the film definitely has its worthwhile moments, for the most part the character of Corso is so slimy and unlikable that it's hard to keep a solid focus on him for the duration of the film. Though Polanski is usually excellent at maintaining audience interest in nebulous, unlikeable, or insane main characters, it just doesn't work here. Depp does give a good performance, as does everyone else. I have a passionate love for Frank Langella, who gives a no-holds barred performance as Balkan. He makes the film worth watching, though Olin and Seigneur also put in a good effort.

It's hard for me to totally reject this film, even though I know it was almost universally reviled. It has beautiful set pieces, old books, satanic lore and a black mass. It's also convoluted and slow moving, but if you go in with the right expectations, you might be entertained. Do not, at any cost, make the mistake of assuming that this is ROSEMARY'S BABY II. If you do get around to watching it, Frank Langella's performance at the end of the film is truly terrifying.

There's a region 1 DVD from Lion's Gate worth tracking down. If you like Polanski and slow-building historical mysteries, please give it a shot.

WHO SAW HER DIE?

2011-11-03T10:14:00.000-07:00

Aldo Lado, 1972

Starring: George Lazenby, Anita Strindberg, Nicoletta Elmi

This October I decided to do an impromptu horror film challenge: 31 films in 31 days, which would explain my silence for almost the entire month. During November I'm going to attempt to review them all. I started off on an unfortunately dull note with Aldo Lado's mediocre giallo CHI L'HA VISTA MORIRE?

Somewhere in France a young, red-haired girl is murdered in the woods by an old woman dressed all in black. Later, in Venice, a little girl goes to visit her sculptor father. Soon, she is also murdered by the same mysterious lady. Her estranged parents come together to solve her murder at any cost as the body count rises around over the city.

Unfortunately I have to admit that WHO SAW HER DIE? is probably only entertaining only for fans of the genre or for die-hard Bond fans who want to see Lazenby in a more traditional role. The first half of the film is compelling, but almost as soon as little Roberta dies, we are hit with a barrage of red herrings, characters who go out on their own and do some really stupid things, and a host of forgettable side characters who factor into the conclusion in some way that I already don't remember. This is simply a clunky script that can't be rescued by any of the actors, the effects, or the fun score by Ennio Morricone.

Though it is peppered with moments of humor and suspense, WHO SAW HER DIE? brings little to the genre that hasn't already been captured in countless other films. I don't want to rain hate down upon Aldo Lado, but if Lamberto Bava can make a more suspenseful murder mystery, you know you're in trouble.

It has a few genre regulars, including the sexy Anita Strindberg as the little girl's grief-stricken mother and Nicoletta Elmi, the creepy little girl from DEEP RED who grew up to be a creepy twenty-something lady in DEMONS.

Only watch this if you've already seen most of the available gialli out there. There's a serviceable Anchor Bay DVD, though it is also streaming on Netflix.

Top 10 Haunted House Films

2011-10-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

Originally written for Cinedelphia.

In my opinion, it’s impossible to celebrate Halloween without watching at least a few haunted house films, preferably before trips to local haunted houses. Unfortunately, this is a pretty popular horror sub-genre, so it’s easy to get stuck with a lot of garbage. And I mean a LOT of garbage, particularly if you get sucked into the trap of watching recent supernatural films (PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, I’m looking at you). I know there’s an audience for this type of junk, but they will never replace classic ghost films. Here is a rundown of my favorite ten, in case you need somewhere spooky to start this season. I also went a bit overboard and included a few dozen honorable mentions.

1. THE CAT AND THE CANARY (Paul Leni, 1927)
Not only is this a good place to start for a haunted house film fest, but you could have your very own CAT AND THE CANARY themed marathon, because it has been remade several times throughout the years. An adaptation of a 1922 play of the same name by John Willard, the film is more of a black comedy than an outright horror film, but is still a delightfully creepy classic horror effort. I know it isn’t technically a haunted house film, but falls more into the “old dark house” sub-genre where malevolent figures sneak around spooky mansions frightening or killing people with a motive of financial gain. In this film a young girl (Laura La Plante) inherits her uncle’s fortune and she and her surviving family members are stuck in the mansion with a menacing figure. Nearby, a crazed criminal called “the Cat” escapes from an asylum. I also highly recommend the 1979 Radley Metzger remake with Honor Blackman.

2. THE UNINVITED (Lewis Allen, 1944)
Starring Ray Milland and Ruth Hussey, THE UNINVITED tells of a brother and sister that discover an abandoned seaside estate on the English coast that is up for grabs for a surprisingly low price. The man’s granddaughter, Stella, is upset by the sale of the house, but Rick (Milland) is attracted to her and allows her access. Unfortunately, the house is not as charming as it first seems and they begin to experience a number of chilling disturbances. It becomes clear that the hauntings have a sinister connection with Stella and her dead mother. One of the first Hollywood films to take supernatural activity at face value, rather than as a stand-in for crime or psychological disturbances.

3. HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (William Castle, 1949)
Though this film doesn’t quite fit with the tone of the others on this list, it was one of my favorite Vincent Price films as a kid. Directed by the great William Castle, schlockmeister and king of the gag, this is a worthy addition because it combines, humor, scares, mystery, and murder, as well as an excellent performance from Price. If you want to visit with Castle further, this makes a nice double feature with another haunted film of his, 13 GHOSTS. Both films have been remade within the last ten years and should be avoided at all costs.

4. THE INNOCENTS (Jack Clayton, 1961)
Based on one of my favorite horror novella’s, Henry James’s The Turn of the Screw, THE INNOCENTS is an affective mixture of psychological horror, sexual repression and the suggestion of supernatural evil. Deborah Kerr’s Miss Giddens is hired as a governess on a gothic-looking British estate despite her lack of experience, to look after the niece and nephew of a wealthy man on the prowl (Michael Redgrave) who wants little to do with the children. While Miss Giddens is at first charmed by them, it turns out that the dead former governess and dead valet were involved in a number of violent and lewd sexual behaviors that they might be supernaturally passing on to the charming Flora and her brother Miles. Is Miss Giddens losing her mind? Or are the children in danger of a supernatural menace?
As a note of interest, the lovely cinematography is provided by Freddie Francis, a regular director of Hammer and Amicus films in the ‘60s and early ‘70s, as well as cinematographer for David Lynch’s THE ELEPHANT MAN and DUNE.

5. THE HAUNTING (Robert Wise, 1963)
Based on Shirley Jackson’s terrifying The Haunting of Hill House, THE HAUNTING concerns a group of paranormal investigators who spend a few nights in a haunted mansion. The head of the group, Dr. Markway, thinks the house will help him prove his theory that the supernatural exists. He brings a skeptic, who is also to inherit the house (Twin Peaks’ Russ Tamblyn), as well as two women with the supernatural in their pasts. Eleanor, one of the women, seems to act as a conduit for the house with unpredictable results. Truly one of the most atmospheric and haunting (no pun intended) films in existence.

6. THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE (John Hough, 1973)
Starring Pamela Franklin and Roddy McDowall, this is another excellent haunted house film based on a famous novel, Hell House; in this case both the novel and screenplay were written by the great Richard Matheson. A physicist investigates the very haunted mansion of disturbed, now missing or deceased millionaire Belasco, who was known for his many perversions and for a violent massacre at his home. The physicist, Barrett, and his wife are accompanied by two mediums. Banner is hoping to clear the house with the aid of a machine he has built, but soon the house begins to turn them against each other and they descend into a psychosexual orgy of violence and repression.

7. BURNT OFFERINGS (Dan Curtis, 1976)
A creepy film improved by the performance of a saucy (and probably sauced) Oliver Reed, BURNT OFFERINGS is based on a novel by Robert Marasaco and tells of a family who rent a mansion for the summer for a suspiciously low price. Ben (Reed), his wife (Karen Black), his son, and an aged aunt (Bette Davis) are delighted at the summer in store for them, but they don’t realize that the accidents occurring with increasing regularity are connected to the house’s growing psychic strength. Very understated, effective and bleak, BURNT OFFERINGS definitely had an influence on later haunted house films like AMITYVILLE HORROR. Look out for a deranged Burgess Meredith.

8. HAUSU (Nobuhiko Obayashi, 1977)
For some reason this is only one of two non-English language films on the list, but it is well worth straying off the beaten path. As far as I know, there is no other haunted house film so insane and psychedelic that by the time it’s over, you’re going to feel like you ate an entire field of mushrooms and washed it down with some acid-tinged Kool-Aid. A group of high school girls go on summer vacation together to visit the long absent maternal relations of Gorgeous (yes, that really is her name). They meet her strange, wheel-chair bound aunt, who lives alone in the spooky family mansion and has an equally strange, possibly magical cat. I can guarantee that you’ve NEVER seen anything like it.

9. THE CHANGELING (Peter Medak, 1980)
My favorite haunted house film, which stars the wonderful George C. Scott as a grief-stricken composer who rents a Victorian mansion in Seattle to get over the accidental deaths of his wife and daughter. The mansion is haunted by the ghost of a murdered child, a particularly violent and vengeful one. Scott begins to unearth connections between the child and an old, wealthy family in the area. If you’ve never seen this film, you’re not likely to forget the creepy scenes with a ball bouncing down the stairs and a wheelchair rolling forward on its own.

10. THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE (Guillermo del Toro, 2001)
The second foreign language effort and the only recent film on this list, THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE is an effective period piece by del Toro about a boy abandoned by his father at an orphanage during the Spanish Civil War. The orphanage has a large, diffused bomb in the center of the building and its fair share of ghostly happenings in the halls. There is a crazy plot involving hidden treasure and child murder, but it is atmospheric, well done and genuinely scary in parts. It was released in the same year as the Nicole Kidman-vehicle, THE OTHERS, though I think THE DEVIL’S BACKBONE is superior to that film in every way.

Of course I have a few runners up:
THE ENTITY (Sidney J. Furie, 1981), about a woman who gets raped by a spectral presence.
CASTLE OF BLOOD (Antonio Margheriti, 1964), in which a writer takes a bet from Edgar Allen Poe that he cannot spend a night in a haunted mansion.
THE WOMAN IN BLACK (Herbert Wise, 1993), based on the terrifying novel of the same name, this creepy made-for-TV British film is about a solicitor who goes to clean up an isolated old house and gets more than he bargained for.
GHOST STORY (John Irvin, 1981) somewhat improves Peter Straub’s novel and concerns four elderly gentleman (including Fred Astaire!) who gather together to tell ghost stories. The scariest story, however, is their darkest secret that will soon come back to haunt them. Literally.
THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS (John Hough, 1980), not strictly speaking a haunted house movie, it concerns an American family who moves into an English manor house. The two daughters become obsessed with the mystery of a missing girl many years before, a girl the same age and appearance as one of the daughters. The woods seems to be haunted and they get sucked deeper into the increasingly weird and unsettling mystery.

No, I didn’t mention any of the AMITYVILLE or POLTERGEIST films. If you haven’t already seen any of them, I’m flabbergasted. I also didn’t mention THE SHINING, which I still regard to be the scariest movie of all time. It’s a staple of the genre, but is also something everyone should already be savvy to.

I also didn’t mention a handful of films that you absolutely have to watch at some point this season, one of my favorite sub-genres, the haunted house comedy. Namely I’m talking about older supernatural classics like the Don Knotts’ vehicle THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN, Bob Hope’s THE GHOST BREAKERS, Abbott and Costello’s HOLD THAT GHOST, and my personal favorite, HIGH SPIRITS. You also obviously want to watch BEETLEJUICE and GHOSTBUSTERS (as well as GHOSTBUSTERS II – how else will you get to see Viggo the Carpathian?). For good measure I also think I should mention a romantic comedy, THE GHOST AND MRS. MUIR, which stars the very grumpy Rex Harrison as a deceased sea captain terrorizing a single mother who moves into his seemingly abandoned cottage.

Happy hauntings!

Top Thirteen Satanic Horror Films

2011-10-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

It's that time of the year (my favorite time of year) when I try to read as many spooky books as possible and watch 31 new horror films, or at least films that are new to me or that I haven't seen in many, many years. Which is also my excuse for why I haven't been reviewing anything. But here's an article I wrote for Cinedelphia about my Top Thirteen Satanic Horror Films.

Halloween is a time for all things spooky, sinful, weird and otherworldly. It is a time when even mainstream culture celebrates ghosts, ghouls, and witches. Speaking of witches, we can’t forget about their diabolical master, the Accuser, the Deceiver, Angel of the Pit and Bringer of Light: Satan. The Lord of Darkness is a popular subject for horror cinema from Hollywood blockbuster to more obscure European cult fare.

Personally, I think the Devil should have a place in every Halloween horror marathon, but it’s hard to know where to start. I will watch any kind of deplorable garbage that features Satan, Satan worshippers, satanic possession, or satanic rituals. Sometimes it’s pretty disappointing, which is why I’m here to give you a quick guide to my favorite thirteen satanic films.

1. ALUCARDA (Juan Lopez Moctezuma, 1978) is one of the best satanic films of ALL TIME. This Mexican release got little critical acclaim, but remains a cult classic. Two orphaned teenage girls living in a convent establish an incredibly close bond. Unfortunately one of them unleashes a diabolical force when she becomes possessed by Satan (who may also be her father). It is lush, surreal and, in my expert opinion, is the perfect satanic masterpiece.

2. HAXAN: WITCHCRAFT THROUGH THE AGES (Benjamin Christensen, 1922) – Amazing documentary-style silent film about Satan, evil, and witchcraft. It’s wonderful and beautiful and would make an excellent backdrop for any Halloween party. Definitely go with the restored Criterion DVD.

3. THE DEVILS (Ken Russell, 1971) – Russel’s opus about a sinful priest (the wonderful Oliver Reed) who is the victim of a country-wide conspiracy perpetrated by the crown, a famed witch hunter, and a local convent. Based on Aldous Huxley’s equally wonderful non-fiction book The Devils of Loudon. The best film you will ever see that blames it all on Satan, plus my favorite film of ALL TIME. Not yet on DVD because Warner can’t get their shit together. Make sure to track down a version with the blasphemous “Rape of Christ” scene that was believed to be lost until fairly recently.

4. THE EXORCIST (William Friedkin, 1973) – I don’t need to describe this one. Probably the greatest film about demonic possession ever made and something I watch every Halloween. And if one EXORCIST film isn’t enough, avoid EXORCIST II, which features a constantly-drunk Richard Burton chewing on scenery the entire film. EXORCIST III, though different in tone from the original film, is a wonderful and shouldn’t be as neglected as it is. Avoid any of the prequels.

5. THE OMEN (Richard Donner, 1976) – Again, I shouldn’t have to describe it. Probably the greatest film about the antichrist and still holds up after thirty years. Unlike the sequels, which get persistently worse.

6. HORROR HOTEL aka CITY OF THE DEAD (John Llewellyn Moxey, 1960) – Creepy, effective film about a young girl who visits a New England town and stumbles into a satanic cult. It is fortunately in the public domain and you can watch it here. Definitely a classic of British horror.

7. THE BLACK CAT (Edgar G. Ulmer, 1934) – One of my favorite horror films. Lugosi-Karloff classic about the showdown between two old war buddies and a satanic cult. For the time period, it has a number of shocking subtexts like genocide and necrophilia. Boris Karloff has never been as evil and Expressionist-influenced set pieces have never looked so foreboding.

8. THE DEVIL’S RAIN (Robert Fuest, 1975) – Shatner vs Satan. What more do I need to say? Plus the late, great Ernest Borgnine, blood rituals and a mess of Satan worshippers. Some people find this cheesy, but I think it’s a load of fun.

9. DON’T DELIVER US FROM EVIL (Joel Seria, 1971) – French film about two girls who become friends and immerse themselves in debauchery and evil. This flick has definitely been banned, partly because of the young age of the two stars. It was loosely based on the same New Zealand murder case that inspired Peter Jackson’s wondrous HEAVENLY CREATURES.

10. SATAN’S BLOOD aka ESCALOFRIO (Carlos Puerto, 1977) – Sleazy Spanish film about a couple who goes for a visit in the country and winds up playing with a Ouija board, having an orgy, and getting kidnapped by Satan worshippers. One of the first films in Spain to receive the infamous “S” rating, which stands for sexy, satanic sinema (or should).

11. SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS (Greydon Clark, 1977) – One of the most entertaining films I’ve ever seen, also with some of the most ineffectual Satanists ever committed to film. Slutty cheerleaders are kidnapped by a sexually frustrated cult member, but with a little help from the Father of Lies, they accidentally kill him and find their way into the heart of the cult. Luckily Satan sides with the girls.

12. ALL THE COLOURS OF THE DARK (1976) – Slow, creepy, atmospheric Sergio Martino film about a woman’s descent into madness. Is she being persecuted by a Satanic cult or just losing her mind? Stars the lovely Edwige Fenech and is also a successful giallo.

13. ROSEMARY’S BABY (Roman Polanski, 1968) – Last, but surely not least is Polanski’s great, great film about a woman’s descent into madness during her pregnancy, mostly due to the suspicious activities of her neighbors.

Here are some runners up:
FAUST (F.W. Murnau, 1926)
THE DEVIL RIDES OUT (Terence Fisher, 1968)
TOBY DAMMIT (Federico Fellini, 1969)
I DRINK YOUR BLOOD (David E. Durston, 1970)
BLOOD ON SATAN’S CLAW (Piers Haggard, 1971)
DRACULA AD 1972 (Alan Gibson, 1972)
PSYCHOMANIA (Don Sharp, 1973)
TO THE DEVIL A DAUGHTER (Peter Sykes, 1976)
THE RETURN OF WALPURGIS aka CURSE OF THE DEVIL (Carlos Aured, 1977)
FEAR NO EVIL (Frank La Loggia, 1981)
ANGEL HEART (Alan Parker, 1987)
PRINCE OF DARKNESS (John Carpenter, 1987)
DAY OF THE BEAST (Alex de la Inglesia, 1995)

Watch and enjoy. Also, if you want to read my full zine, which is a 69+ film guide to all things satanic horror, you can find it at Atomic Books.

Hail Satan.

Flicks that Frighten the Philly Film Community

2011-10-03T08:56:00.001-07:00

Cinedelphia (Sinedelphia this month) contributors have put together a list of our favorite/must-see Halloween films. My entry was, of course, A BELL FROM HELL, as I don't think I could have slid SALO onto the list.

Read the entire article here. Some of my favorite under-appreciated horror films like DEATHDREAM, MESSIAH OF EVIL and SOCIETY have made the cut as well.

DREAM HOUSE

2011-09-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

Jim Sheridan, 2011

Starring: Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts, Marton Csokas

Going to see this film was not the best idea I’ve ever had. I’ve hated every single horror film to come out of Hollywood for at least the last ten years and, if anything, DREAM HOUSE only intensified that hatred.

Theoretically, the movie should have had a shot. It was helmed by Oscar-nominated Irish director Jim Sheridan (IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER) and has a star-studded cast with Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz as the lead couple and Naomi Watts and Marton Csokas as their neighbors. These are all capable actors and you would think that if I could handle watching the Vin Diesel vehicle XXX to see Marton Csokas, DREAM HOUSE would be a walk in the park.

Not to be confused with the superior Korean film DREAM HOME, the plot vaguely rips off AMITYVILLE HORROR, THE SHINING and A TALE OF TWO SISTERS. The film concerns a publishing exec (Craig) that moves his family to the New England suburbs to spend more time with them. They soon find out that several years ago a man murdered his family in their house. Is the house haunted? Is the killer still on the loose? Do I care?

No, not at all.

DREAM HOUSE is crippled by its inane premise and the fact that it is a total failure in terms of script-established expectations, and, overall, is a boring mess. The film sadly went the way of one of my favorites, Tinto Brass’s CALIGULA, where the studio/producer ripped the film out from under the director and created, through the cunning use of bad editing, their own print. Except DREAM HOUSE lacks the hardcore inserts that at least provide a few moments of stupid entertainment in CALIGULA.

You know things are bad when the director and stars refuse to do press to protest the lousy editing job the production company did. There wasn’t even a proper press screening. This may be due to the fact that the trailer gives away an important plot twist. Great job, Universal. I hope someone got fired for this.

I want those two hours back.

DREAM HOUSE opens today in Philly-area theaters.

Originally written for Cinedelphia.

The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett

2011-09-26T12:37:00.000-07:00

I love noir and detective novels, but have huge gaps in my bibliography, so I'm trying to go back and read some of the old classics. Dashiell Hammett is an obvious place to start and, as I love the film version of the novel, figured I would track down a copy of The Maltese Falcon and give it a whirl.

Sam Spade, the private detective who is The Maltese Falcon's protagonist, is probably my favorite literary detective I've come across yet. He is cold, rational, has a genius for detail, and knows how to handle the ladies whether he's bestowing them with sexy caresses or slapping some sense into them. Like most anti-heroes, he also has a strict code of personal justice he adheres to, even when laughing in the face of the law.

Spade's new client is Miss Wonderly, who hires himself and his partner Miles to follow a man, Thursby, and her runaway sister. Miles turns up dead later that night and Thursby a few hours later, making Spade a suspect, partly due to his affair with Miles's wife. Spade discovers that Miss Wonderly is actually Brigid O'Shaughnessy and she was after Thursby, not a made-up sister. He also gets a new client, the slimy, effeminate Joel Cairo, who offers him a lot of money to find and return a black statue of a bird that has shown up in San Francisco but is allegedly stolen property. Cairo attempts to double-cross Spade, believing for some reason that he has the statue.

Spade puts two and two together and realizes that Brigid and Cairo are connected. He sets up a meeting for all three of them, which turns bad when Brigid and Cairo fight and the police show up. Spade realizes he is being tailed by an unpleasant looking young man whose boss, Gutman, is also offering to pay Spade for the statue. Gutman explains the statue's rich history, saying that it is potentially priceless. The situation continues to get murkier and more dangerous. Who has the figure? And who can Spade trust?

Hugely influential to the detective genre, this 1930 novel was originally published in serialized form in Black Mask magazine. The Maltese Falcon is tight, well-written, and full of hard-boiled excitement. Though the general mystery is expertly put together, the strength of Spade's character alone could carry the novel. He's bitter, sarcastic and appears to trust no one, giving the book a heavy dose of misanthropy. Some of the other characters establish classic tropes like Cairo and Brigid. All are interesting and colorful. The plot is quickly paced and as things rapidly unfold you never know who to trust (including Spade) till the bitter end.

If you're looking for somewhere to start with hard-boiled detective fiction, The Maltese Falcon is the best place. There's a nice Vintage paperback available, though older editions of the novel are plentiful at used bookstores. Here's a great run down of the different editions. I also highly recommend the third film adaptation, THE MALTESE FALCON (1941), starring Humphrey Bogart and Peter Lorre.

A BELL FROM HELL

2011-09-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

Claudio Guerin, 1973
Starring: Renaud Verley, Viveca Lindfors, Alfredo Mayo, Maribel Martin, Nuria Gimeno

LA CAMPANA DEL INFIERNO is a subversive, surreal and occasionally funny slice of Eurohorror that has to be seen to be believed. There are a handful of films that I would write love letters to if I could and A BELL FROM HELL is certainly one of them.

Juan (John in the bad English overdub), a rebellious practical joker with an antiauthoritarian streak a mile wide, is being released from an asylum. He heads home to seek revenge on his aunt and three cousins who had him placed there on false charges so that they could steal his inheritance. Juan works in a slaughterhouse for awhile, apparently just long enough to learn a few things, and then returns to his mother's home that has been empty since her death and his imprisonment. He prepares a series of complex "jokes" as revenge and invites his aunt and cousins over to see the house, which he has restored to how it looked when he lived there. Juan prepares to slaughter all four women, partly in revenge and partly to be free of them, but can he go through with it?

This truly singular film has been sadly neglected, but is a fine example of Spanish horror cinema, bearing a close relationship to other darkly surreal works of Franco-era cinema. It is awash with an atmosphere of the Gothic and has numerous Poe references. In many ways, it's kind of a weird horror hybrid of Jean Rollin and Bunuel. There is a dreamy, disturbing atmosphere, as well as an insistently anti-bourgeois flavor.

Much of the film's strength relies on protagonist Juan, who is genuinely likable despite some of the horrible acts he commits. This is, at its core, a revenge film and writer Santiago Moncada (CUT-THROATS NINE, ALL THE COLORS OF THE DARK, HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON) pulls out all the stops to make Juan convincing. He is filled with rage, but also sympathy and like several other Spanish cinema protagonists of that era, views the world fundamentally differently than those around him. The magical Renaud Verley (THE DAMNED) is perfect as Juan, displaying disgust at some of the things he must do and a genuine doubt as to whether or not he is mad.

Director Guerin famously fell from the bell tower on the last day of shooting and died, so the final shots of the film were finished up by Juan Bardem (uncle of actor Javier), who is also responsible for the imaginative editing. This beautiful, haunting film feels a little disjointed, probably because of Guerin's death, but gleefully goes places you won't expect and rips the ending out from under the audience. Playfully subversive, Guerin uses the conventions of cinema to fool characters within the plot and viewers (make-up, audio, story telling, etc.). Surreal, subversive horror is my favorite kind and A BELL FROM HELL is an excellent example of this. It comes highly recommended.

Fortunately, A BELL FROM HELL is now easier to find. It's finally available on region 1 DVD from Pathfinder, though it's not the uncut Spanish version and suffers from poor dubbing. Or, you could watch the whole thing on Youtube right now.

Ripley's Game by Patricia Highsmith

2011-09-23T16:34:00.000-07:00

The third effort in Patricia Highmith's Ripliad, Ripley's Game (1974) almost immediately follows Ripley Under Ground, though like the latter and the first novel, The Talented Mr. Ripley, it is a widely different work from either.

Ripley's Game explores Ripley's further manipulations and machinations, as well as including elements organized crime and the lengths a person is willing to go under pressure. We meet seemingly the same Ripley as in Ripley Under Ground - slightly older, wealthy, comfortable, and living with his wife in their French country home. An old acquaintance, Reeves Minot, who we met in the last book and is an American expatriate living in Germany, attempts to hire Ripley to murder two known members of the mafia. He offers him quite a large sum of money.

We are made aware of Ripley's interest in Jonathan Trevanny, a British picture framer who lives with his French wife and son in the village near Ripley's estate. Trevanny is sick with leukemia and, to Ripley's amusement and irritation, rebuffs Ripley's casual attempts at friendship, most likely because of his knowledge of the rumors about Ripley. In turn, Ripley convinces Reeves to offer the hits (and the money) to Trevanny. Ripley increases the pressure on Trevanny by starting some local rumors that he only has a few months to live. Trevanny is suspicious and angry, but also has deep-seated feelings of guilt that he will die without being to provide for his family. Reeves brings Trevanny to Germany to see a specialist and also convinces him to accept the murder contract.

Trevanny murders the mafioso in a crowded subway station, then insists that he is quitting. Reeves once again manipulates Trevanny into murdering another, more important mafioso, this time on a train with a garrote. Ripley shows up and steps in, executing the man in Trevanny's place. This forms an unlikely, reluctant friendship between the two of them. Trevanny confides in Ripley his fears that his wife will discover what he's done and also that he won't be able to explain the money. Ripley is cooking up an explanation for all this when the Mafia unexpectedly turn up and he has to ask Trevanny for help. Simone, Trevanny's increasingly cold and suspicious wife, finds out what they are up to and also gets involved. Can Ripley keep them all alive and deliver some satisfactory explanation to Simone?

Though Ripley's Game is not as enjoyable or complex as the first two novels, it is still an interesting read. There is an increasing sense that Ripley is a stand-in for the maturing Highsmith. Highsmith's relationship to her characters (or any writer's) is partly summed up in Ripley's relationship to Trevanny. Out of a sense of boredom or maliciousness he gets Trevanny involved in murder and mafia business, but confesses and intervenes, forming his first real friendship in the series. Highsmith, in a sense, gives this novel a happy ending. Ripley is not implicated in any of the murders. Trevanny dies quickly, defending his family, rather than the slow, agonizing death leukemia would have given him. Simone is able to maintain her moral superiority, but can now live the rest of her life in a degree of financial comfort that previously would not have been possible.

The novel was adapted by Liliana Cavani, RIPLEY'S GAME (2002), and parts of the plot were used for Wim Wenders' adaptation THE AMERICAN FRIEND (1977). It's followed by The Boy Who Followed Ripley and Ripley Under Water.

If you have read and enjoyed the first two books, it only makes sense to read this one. I read the Everyman Library Ripley trilogy, though there is also the Vintage paperback and the Complete hardcover box set.

Ripley Under Ground by Patricia Highsmith

2011-09-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

The second novel in Patricia Highsmith's "Ripliad," which began with The Talented Mr. Ripley, Ripley Under Ground (1970) came fifteen years after the original novel and received less critical acclaim, but is definitely a worthy read. We meet an older, more mature Ripley and more mature, more accomplished Highsmith.

Tom Ripley is now married to a French heiress, the almost equally amoral Heloise, and lives comfortably in their country estate. He has been peripherally involved in an art forgery scheme, where the paintings of dead or missing Philip Derwatt are forged by his old friend and fellow painter Bernard Tufts. Derwatt is dead, but Ripley and some of his old friends have convinced the public that the painter is a recluse living in Mexico and ships his recent work from there. Tufts is nervous, depressed, guilty, and doesn't want to carry on with the forgeries. This is aggravated by an American buyer, Murchison, who comes to England with accusations that his painting is a forgery.

Taking the reigns, Ripley goes to London and pretends to be Derwatt during an art opening and press conference. Murchison is not convinced, so Ripley, as himself, invites Murchison to his home as a fellow collector and will show him similar works by Derwatt. Murchison believes Ripley's paintings are also fakes and tries to explain his theory, which escalates into an argument and Ripley murdering him. He convinces Bernard to help him properly dispose of the body, meanwhile dealing with visits from the police and Bernard's failing mental health. This quickly turns into a juggling act, with Ripley bouncing back and forth between Paris and London, where he again impersonates Derwatt, but also to Switzerland, where he must try to pursue the highly unstable Bernard.

In addition to the central plot, we are also confronted with Ripley's relationship with Heloise. She is immoral, but in a seemingly different way than Ripley. It is unclear what kind of relationship they really have, other than an enormous degree of mutual personal and financial freedom. Ripley also receives an unexpected visit from Dickie Greenleaf's younger cousin Chris, which is presumably a tie-in to some of the unresolved questions of the first novel.

Ripley Under Ground also presents a larger philosophical debate about the value of real verses fake in regards to both art and life. Highsmith barrages us with almost constant visual and thematic links - real and fake paintings, real and fake murders, impersonations, both by living people, corpses, and dummies, a "fake" business and a "fake" marriage. It also continues to touch on her favored themes of artists, the creation of art and mental instability.

I enjoyed Ripley Under Ground almost as much as The Talented Mr. Ripley. It is less chilling, less emotionally profound, but much more philosophically complex. Ripley is no longer the mercurial, sociopathic social climber and con artist we knew. He is comfortable in his lifestyle, but also seems bored by it and I can't help but wonder if maybe he decides to murder Murchison more for excitement than anything else.

There is a film adaptation of the novel, RIPLEY UNDER GROUND (2005), as well as elements of it used in Wim Wenders' AN AMERICAN FRIEND (1977). It is followed by Ripley's Game, The Boy Who Followed Ripley and Ripley Under Water.

It comes recommended and could probably be read independently of The Talented Mr. Ripley. There's the Vintage paperback, the hard cover Everyman Ripley trilogy I used, or the Complete Ripley Novels hardcover box set.

The Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith

2011-09-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

Patricia Highsmith is one of my favorite literary personalities. She wrote predominantly mysteries, thrillers, and crime fiction, but her work is uniquely nasty, pessimistic and misanthropic. It contains a strong undercurrent of erotic feeling, while also generally renouncing sexual relationships as distasteful power games that are doomed to failure. American by birth (1921), she emigrated to Europe early in her adult life and has retained a much stronger following there. Partly I enjoy her so much because she represents an intellectual, existential side of crime fiction. The Talented Mr. Ripley is the most famous of her novels and represents all of these themes, along with some dollops of black humor.

Tom Ripley is a working class con man leaving by his wits in New York City. He has ideas of upward mobility and an almost sociopathic lack of moral center. He comes across Herbert Greenleaf, father of a boy he went to school with, Dickie. Dickie is in Europe, refusing to come home and learn the family business, and his father is distraught. Tom manipulates the elder Greenleaf into sending Tom to Europe with the pretext that he can talk some sense into Dickie.

Ripley finds his way to Italy and reacquaints himself with Dickie and Dickie's friend/girlfriend Marge. Dickie is relaxed and happy with no intention of coming home. He reluctantly befriends Ripley, letting him stay at his house, but Marge instantly dislikes him. Eventually Dickie begins to tire of Ripley's friendship, just as Ripley is becoming obsessed with him.

They go on one last trip together, where Ripley has a burst of inspiration and kills Dickie. He hides the evidence and assumes Dickie's personality. He moves quietly around Europe, enjoying a life of leisure as Dickie until the police, Mr. Greenleaf and Marge begin an impassioned search, both for Ripley and Dickie. Ripley unexpectedly runs across an old friend of Dickie's and the bodies begin to pile up...

Written in 1955, Ripley is early in Highsmith's career, but is indicative of the tone of her work. Ripley is a character that you can't help but love, though he is utterly unlikable. His motivations are all selfish and, in many ways, he represents the dark underbelly of the capitalistic drive. Changeable, heartless, deeply prideful, and really only interested in pursuing the life of art and luxury he feels is owed to him, Ripley is the quintessential anti-hero. He gives voice to the hateful thoughts and feelings everyone tries to ignore or repress.

Highsmith's style is recommended for anyone who loves thriller, mystery or noir fiction, and, surprisingly, travel writing. Ripley's travels to and around Europe are obviously taken from Highsmith's extensive travels and provide an interesting color to the story. Equally, her obsession with artists and writing about the lives of artists and the process of creating art is a theme touched upon in Ripley that she explored in multiple novels.

Adapted for film as PLEIN SOLEIL (1960) and THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY (1999), it was followed by a series of five novels that stretched throughout Highsmith's career: Ripley Under Ground, Ripley's Game, The Boy Who Followed Ripley and Ripley Under Water.

I read and own the Everyman's Library Ripley Trilogy hardcover, which contains the first three books, though there is also the Norton paperback and, better still, the Complete Novels hardcover box set. Highly recommended.

THE MUMMY (1932)

2011-09-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

Karl Freund, 1932
Starring: Boris Karloff, David Manners, Zita Johann, Arthur Byron, Edward Van Sloan

"Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?"

The first Universal monster film I remember seeing in its entirely and my absolute favorite. It is probably also the scariest, at least for modern audiences. As much as I love DRACULA, the fact remains that it was adapted from the novel into a parlor room drama, which is where the film's script unfortunately came from.

Karloff is in one of his best roles as Imhotep/Ardath Bey, a resurrected high priest who was cursed for all eternity for trying to resurrect the Pharaoh's daughter because of his love for her. A series of British archaeologists discover Imhotep's tomb and a sealed box containing the sacred scroll of Thoth. When an impulsive assistant cracks open the box and reads aloud from the scroll, he reawakens Imhotep, who murders him, steals the scroll, and disappears into the night.

Ten years later, archaeologist Frank Whemple (David Manners), son of the legendary archaeologist who found the mummy, Sir Joseph Whemple (Arthur Byron) is frustrated at being stuck under his father's shadow and wants some glory of his own. A mysterious Egyptian, Ardath Bey, gives him the precise directions for the tomb of Princess Ankh-es-en-amon*, who he cannot unearth on the pretext that native Egyptians are forbidden to dig up their dead. Sure enough, they discover the intact tomb and move the Princess to the Cairo Museum, where she is visited almost constantly by Ardath Bey.

Meanwhile, Frank has met and instantly fallen in love with Helen, the half-English, half-Egyptian charge of Dr. Muller (Edward Van Sloan), an Egyptian occult expert. Helen returns Frank's feelings, but also feels a strange pull towards the museum, where Ardath Bey (aka Imhotep) is attempting to summon the soul of Ankh-es-en-amon. Can Frank and Dr. Muller save her soul before Imhotep reincarnates her as his centuries-old love?

There are a lot of reasons to see THE MUMMY if you haven't already done so, but high on the list is the work of director Karl Freund, one of the greatest cinematographers in the first half of the twentieth century. He shot some of the most famous German films that basically created the horror genre as well know it: DER JANUSKOPF, DER GOLEM, DER VERLORENE SCHATTEN, etc. He went on to shoot some early American classics as well (DRACULA, MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE), emigrating to the U.S. with hundreds of other German artists and intellectuals.

Another point of interest, Philadelphia native John L. Balderston penned the script. He was initially a foreign journalist who covered the opening of King Tutankhamen's tomb. He also had a hand in a dozen or so other horror scripts - DRACULA, FRANKENSTEIN, MARK OF THE VAMPIRE, BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN, MAD LOVE, and one of my personal favorites, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER, among others.

The beloved Boris Karloff is another major reason. I think THE MUMMY and THE BLACK CAT are my two favorite Karloff films, but there are many more worth watching. I know he's most famous for FRANKENSTEIN, but he actually gets to act in THE MUMMY, as well as lumber around in the famous Jack Pierce make-up that took about eight hours to apply. His tragic role as Imhotep is something that makes THE MUMMY more sympathetic and human than its monstrous companion films.

THE MUMMY bears a deep kinship, if not outright incestuous intermingling with DRACULA. Though I prefer THE MUMMY, it is, in many ways, a rehashing of the DRACULA film (not Bram Stoker's novel). The story supplants Eastern European mythology with Egyptian, repeating a lot of thematic content and actually reusing a lot of the cast and crew of DRACULA. Freund was DRACULA's cinematographer and is THE MUMMY's director. David Manners stars as the naive, optimistic, love interest in both films. The female protagonists are sickly, dreamy and prone to bouts of night-time induced fantasy. Edward Van Sloan plays the foreign doctor and occult specialist in both films, present as an intellectual foil to both Dracula and Imhotep. The villains are undead foreigners, racially different Others intent on claiming the bodies and souls of innocent white, English girls by a means other than marriage (and the implied heterosexual sex act). There is the constant presence of coffins, tombs, the past. Even the piece of Swan Lake used in the DRACULA opening titles is again pillaged for THE MUMMY.

The acting is average. A lot of the more accomplished theater actors seems to go through the motions, though Zita Johann is fittingly weird as Helen. Allegedly one of the reasons Freund hired her was because of her passionate belief in reincarnation, though the most famous anecdotes about their time together on THE MUMMY are all antagonistic. Johann supposedly hated the process of movie-making and Freund did nothing to make this easier for her.

My love/hate relationship with David Manners is only intensified in THE MUMMY. His style of acting is abrasive and unbelievable for most modern audiences, but he does have some amazing dialogue that has to be heard to be believed. It's particularly difficult to compare Frank's frequently vulgar, fame and money hungry perceptions of things with Imhotep, who has repeatedly sacrificed himself and suffered horribly for a doomed love.

The film is atmospheric, ominous and brooding. Freund clearly applied the lessons he learned in German Expressionist cinema under Fritz Lang and Karloff is in his element. Though it suffers somewhat from an egregious lack of mummies, the undertone of death and the ability to be contaminated by the dead resonates. In a way, it's fitting that Universal opened the film with the overture from Swan Lake, at its essence a story about a woman with two natures. Because she has been cursed by a sorcerer, she is the lovely, good Odette by day and a swan by night. The sorcerer's evil daughter, Odile, is a physical double of Odette and seeks to steal her true love, which will prevent her from breaking the curse. Helen, like Odette, is double-natured, but this is split between Helen, who represents Britishness, the present, life, rationality, and Ankh-es-en-amon, who represents Egyptian racial identity, the past, death, magic. As both Helen and Ankh-es-en-amon discover, Imhotep is tainted with death and intends to infect Helen by killing her and putting her vibrant spirit into dead flesh. There are multiple allusions to necrophilia; Imhotep himself states that he was being punished for unholy acts at her grave site. Interestingly, it is Helen who must decide her own fate and then save herself; Frank and Dr. Muller are powerless to intervene.

I had the great fortune to see a screening of a 16mm print of THE MUMMY by Philadelphia's Secret Cinema, who is currently involved in a partnership with the University of Pennsylvania. This screening was held by the University of Penn Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology in their Egyptian mummies gallery.

If you want to see the film at home, it's available in a single DVD release from Universal, though I highly recommend the Legacy Collection box set. This two disc set (the second disc is actually double-sided) comes with everything Universal MUMMY related. The original film is included, as well as all the official sequels: THE MUMMY'S HAND, THE MUMMY'S TOMB, THE MUMMY'S GHOST, and THE MUMMY'S CURSE. There's also a nice MUMMY documentary, "Mummy Dearest: A Horror Tradition Unearthed" by horror historian David J. Skal, a commentary track from film historian Paul M. Jensen, a photography archive, and trailers for all the films. Well worth it.

*For the history buffs out there, Ankh-es-en-amon is actually the name of Tutankhamen's wife.

DIAL M FOR MURDER

2011-09-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

Alfred Hitchcock, 1954

Starring: Ray Milland, Grace Kelly, Robert Cummings, John Williams, Anthony Dawson

This is, hands down, my least favorite Hitchcock film. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of Preston Sturges' wonderful black comedy about attempted murder and infidelity, UNFAITHFULLY YOURS, minus the very dark humor and the over the top performance by Rex Harrison.

A greedy, selfish tennis player, Tony Wendice (Ray Milland), plans to have his wife murdered when he discovers evidence of her infidelity from the year before. She was involved in a romance with an old friend, mystery writer Mark Halliday (Robert Cummings), but called off their relationship when Tony quit tennis and began to act like a devoted husband.

Determined to off Margot and pocket her sizable fortune, Tony begins by anonymously blackmailing his wife over a romantic letter she saved from Mark. He also manipulates an old school friend and womanizing hustler, Charles Swann, into murdering Margot. He believes his plan is fool proof and both he Swann will get away considerably richer. When Mark is visiting for the weekend, Tony takes him to a party and leaves Margot home to go to bed early. The murder is supposed to look like a home invasion. Tony has cleverly hidden a key for Swann to slip in and at a set time, Tony will call the house and Swann will strangle Margot from behind as she answers the phone.

Everything goes wrong. Swann does strangle Margot, but in the dark they struggle and she fights back with a pair of scissors, accidentally killing him. Hysterically, she goes to call the police, but Tony is still on the other line. He tells her to wait for him and touch nothing. When he arrives home, he consoles his wife and puts her to bed. While the police are on their way, he arranges the evidence to make it look like Swann was blackmailing Margot and she has killed him in revenge. She is taken away, convicted for murder and is awaiting her execution. Can Mark string everything together and save her in time?

My only real problem with DIAL M FOR MURDER is the complete unbelievability of Grace Kelly and Robert Cummings. Neither of them exude any sort of sense of humor or sex appeal. I simply cannot believe they were ever lovers. I also cannot believe that Tony and his wife have any sort of sexual relationship. I know Hitchcock is famous for casting icy blondes, but I simply dislike Grace Kelly. She's nice to look at, but I wish we had gotten Tippi Hedren instead.

The only real reason to see this film is for the wonderful performance by Ray Milland, who is sneaky and diabolical for the entire running time. He smoothly manipulates Swann, Margot, Mark and the police force and genuinely seems to care about little other than money and his own personal comfort. We don't get the impression that he is killing Margot because he's in love with her and is insanely jealous about her affair, rather it is a cold, reptillian sort of logic where he can plausibly do away with his wife and have her money all to himself.

There are also excellent supporting performances by John Williams as the Chief Inspector and Anthony Dawson as Swann. Both men are reprising their roles from the stage play of the same name that the film is based on. The Chief Inspector provides the film's only moments of humor as he bungles his way into clues, taking a completely anarchistic approach to detective work. Anthony Dawson is a great actor and has too little screen time here.

DIAL M FOR MURDER has a lot in common with ROPE - both are based on stage plays, are set mostly inside an apartment and deal with the concept of the perfect murder gone wrong. Obviously I prefer ROPE, but DIAL M FOR MURDER is still a Hitchcock film and thus preferable to any recent Hollywood drivel. Lots of people love this film, so you should give it a chance, I just prefer a different sort of murder mystery and a different sort of Hitchcock film. Make up your own mind with the Warner single disc DVD, which includes two documentaries and a history of 3-D.

I bet I would like it more if I could see in in 3-D. which is how it was originally filmed.

DRIVE

2011-09-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

Nicholas Winding Refn, 2011
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bryan Cranston, Albert Brooks, Oscar Isaac

It's been a long time since I've seen a movie as ridiculous as DRIVE.

A Hollywood stunt driver with no name (one of my least favorite screenwriting conceits) occasionally moonlights as a heist driver. He talks very little, but is exceptionally talented at driving. Gradually, he makes friends with his neighbor, the adorable Irene, and her equally adorable son whose father (Oscar Isaac) is in prison for some undisclosed crime. He spends more time with them and it is clear that the nature of his relationship with Irene is becoming romantic, but she receives news that her husband is being released from prison.

Meanwhile, the local shop where he works is being financed by an ex-producer, Bernie (Albert Brooks), and his dirty partner Nino (Ron Perlman). The shop owner, Shannon (Bryan Cranston), has convinced Bernie to help him purchase a car they will restore and race with his star driver behind the wheel.

Standard, Irene's husband, returns home and is jealous of his wife's new relationship. The driver witnesses him getting roughed up by some gangsters, who beat Standard up and threaten his son. They make it clear that if he doesn't help them with a final robbery to pay off his debts, the threats will escalate. The driver decides to help him, mostly to protect Irene. It is supposed to be a simple convenience store safe robbery, but some unexpected mafia money turns up and everything goes wrong. Can the driver keep Irene and her son safe?

If you look at each element of this film separately, everything is ridiculous. The dialogue, the acting, the pacing, the set pieces, the soundtrack and especially the writing. It should be a bad film. But when you put everything together, you get a surprisingly entertaining heist effort. Adapted from James Sallis' novel, DRIVE is part action, part noir and part retro heist film. It was obviously inspired by Steve McQueen films, which Refn himself has stated. Honestly, I think this is why I liked it. Refn, who was chosen by Gosling to direct, is clearly a rabid film fan. Though his works aren't perfect, they have a lot of promise, namely BRONSON and VALHALLA RISING, both of which I recommend a lot more than DRIVE.

I also liked that DRIVE feels dated and, partly from the lighting and soundtrack, seems like it should have been made in the '80s. The synth heavy electro-pop soundtrack surprisingly works, except for a few places where it just comes across as absurd. DRIVE is also visually appealing. I love films set in L.A. and this is no exception. Allegedly the driver's wardrobe was inspired by Kenneth Anger's SCORPIO RISING, which blows my mind and I also find a little hard to believe.

If you don't take it too seriously, it's a lot of fun. It does take a little while to get going, though the second half explodes with flash and lots and lots of violence. With that said, there's no depth and it's overly polished. I enjoyed Ryan Gosling, who I have never actually seen in a film before. I don't understand the appeal and I wish someone with the screen presence of action heavy hitters like McQueen or Clint Eastwood was cast. I was a little disappointed in the rest of the cast. Carey Mulligan is adorable, but she doesn't bring much to the table other than smiles and dimples. The cameo from Christina Hendricks feels out of place and it's hard for me to watch Ron Perlman in recent films without being reminded of his character Clay from Sons of Anarchy.

Overall, I enjoyed DRIVE, though by no stretch of the imagination would I call it a good film. If you're a Steve McQueen junkie or love car-focused action/heist films, it is worth watching.

LIZARD IN A WOMAN'S SKIN Soundtrack

2011-09-13T16:36:00.000-07:00

Lucio Fulci, Godfather of Gore, tends to illicit a variety of responses in horror fans. Love him or hate him, his work represents some of the most imaginative, personal films to have emerged from the Italian horror scene. What he lacks in style or cinematic prowess, like Argento and Bava, he makes up for in sheer insanity. Some of his films just plain don’t make sense, but if you’re the type who rates a linear plot and rational conclusion high on your list of cinematic priorities, you and I have little in common anyway.

Possibly my favorite Fulci film, UNA LUCERTOLA CON LA PELLE DI DONNA (1971), aka LIZARD IN A WOMAN'S SKIN is the maestro’s finest giallo and one of his best films. Carol (the icy, but lovely Florinda Balkan) has been having persistent sex dreams about her neighbor Julia (Anita Strindberg), a sexy libertine who holds LSD-soaked orgies. One night Carol has a dream that she has murdered Julia and when the woman turns up dead, Carol is high on the list of suspects. Trapped between her ambitious, adulterous husband (Jean Sorel) and politically powerful father, Carol descends further into madness as it becomes clear someone is trying to frame her and she is frequently pursued by a knife-wielding maniac.

Chock full of surreal violence, sexual repression and enough red herrings to confuse the most devoted giallo devotees, LIZARD IN A WOMAN'S SKIN is a must see, even though it is difficult to track down a good copy on DVD. The abysmally flawed Shriek Show double-disc is the best available, though there has been a lot of controversy over the lousy print.

Here I’m mostly concerned with the film’s excellent soundtrack, which marks the only collaboration between Fulci and the great Ennio Morricone. Though he is famous for his grandiose Western soundtracks, this work is one of my favorite and, I think, one of his best. At once haunting, creepy, sexy and subtle, Morricone provides an absolutely perfect score. A blend of dissonant jazz, wailing guitars and creepy strings, it’s enhanced by strange noises and bird whistles, as well as vocals by Edda Dell’Orso on the main theme. A regular Morricone collaborator, her voice is used more as an instrument here, much like Morricone’s imaginative work on THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY.

The surreal, disorienting elements provide an excellent backdrop for a film that is primarily concerned with repressed sexuality, murderous impulses, dark secrets and the murky workings of the subconscious. The jazzier, psychedelic elements are reminiscent of Morricone’s work for Argento on the “animal trilogy,” Argento’s first three gialli, but rest assured that this superb work stands on its own.

The soundtrack is a little hard to find on DVD, but House of Mysterious Secrets carries it for a very reasonable price. I also highly recommend Crime and Dissonance, a two disc compilation of Morricone’s giallo scores; a few tracks from UNA LUCERTOLA are included in this as well. It’s also available on Youtube in its entirety.

Originally written for Ghouls on Film.

THE MUSIC LOVERS

2011-09-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

Ken Russell, 1970
Starring: Richard Chamberlain, Glenda Jackson, Max Adrian, Christopher Cable, Kenneth Colley, Izabella Telezynska

While I am a huge fan of Ken Russell's, it's been difficult in the past to get access to a lot of his films. I finally got a chance to see his Tchaikovsky biographical epic, THE MUSIC LOVERS, and I have to say that I was absolutely blown away. While this is not a film for everyone, it comes highly recommend for lovers of the weird and the unusual.

Tchaikovsky is a teacher at a music conservatory about to unleash his newest composition. He gets a lot of criticism from friends and family for his open homosexuality and public romps with his paramour, Count Anton. The only woman he really loves is his married sister, who he frequently daydreams about. His new symphony is met with mixed reviews and the president of the conservatory dismisses it as ridiculous. A wealthy, eccentric widow, Madame von Meck, hears it and decides to become his patron. In an effort to become more respectable and impress his patron, he decides to get married.

A local nymphomaniac, Nina (Glenda Jackson), sees Tchaikovsky in passing and becomes obsessed with him. She begins sending him love letters that he responds favorably to, though everyone else disapproves. He marries her, but is unable to consummate their relationship. This, combined with the unexpected arrival of her mother, drives Nina slowly insane. Tchaikovsky has a breakdown and is invited to recuperate on Madame von Meck's estate. Their relationship has been solely conducted through letters, but she decides that she needs to see him in person. Count Anton also returns, but is rebuked by Tchaikovsky. Jealously, he reveals the true nature of their relationship to Madame von Meck, who locks Tchaikovsky out of her home and ends her patronage. With a failed relationship, a failed marriage, and alienated from his family and patron, Tchaikovsky deliberately drinks a glass of contaminated water and dies of cholera.

Critically skewered, Russell's film is delirious, self-indulgent, psychedelic, and, ultimately a wonderful portrait of artistic genius and its inevitable connection to insanity. Written by the great Melvin Bragg, the script is largely taken from a series of letters between Catharine Drinker Brown and Barbara von Meck. Though there are many truthful elements, a lot of Tchaikovsky's life is improvised by Russell. This might be hard to digest for more conventional cinema fans. There are many scenes of nightmares, flashbacks, and extended fantastical music sequences that will drive the unprepared viewer into a state of certain psychosis.

Some of the scenes are genuinely chilling with their wild, over the top presentation of madness. Nina's relationship with her mother is nauseating and her subsequent induction into a mental asylum is terrifying and saddening. For genuine Tchaikovsky fans, there are some beautifully arranged segments put together by Andre Previn and played by Rafael Orozco.

This is an incredibly personal film and I think a lot of the criticisms are unfounded. It's been called sensational, irresponsible, a garish fantasy, unstable, etc. To a certain extent, it is all these things, but what's wrong with that? What's wrong with excess?

The film's reputation has improved in subsequent years. Thanks to Netflix, you can watch THE MUSIC LOVERS streaming, but there is sadly still no region 1 DVD available. If you need to own a legitimate copy, check out the VHS, though it is still outrageously expensive. If you like this, check out Russell's series of films about composers - ELGAR, MAHLER, and LISZTOMANIA.

THE LAST MISTRESS

2011-09-10T16:03:00.000-07:00

Catherine Breillat, 2007
Starring: Asia Argento, Fu'ad Ait Aattou, Roxane Mesquida, Claude Sarraute

UNE VIELLE MAITRESSE (which actually means "an old mistress") is a period piece from taboo-busting director Catherine Breillat, one of my favorite filmmakers of recent years.

Ryno de Marigny, a handsome young libertine, is marrying the more well off Hermangarde, a young, innocent noblewoman. Ryno has a passionate farewell with his mistress, the Spanish Vellini, who he has had a relationship with for the last decade. When Hermangarde's grandmother (and the rest of their social circle) hear about his farewell, they are scandalized. Hermangarde's grandmother sits down with Ryno and makes him relate the entire tale of their relationship to her, until she is satisfied that it is over (and heard the gory details). Ryno and Hermangarde get married, move to the seaside and are expecting a baby. For a time, they are happy, but Vellini eventually follows them and pursues Ryno. His resolve crumbles and soon their old relationship resumes, to Hermangarde's dismay.

Based on a novel by Jules Amédée Barbey d'Aurevilly, an 18th century mystery writer who influenced Henry James, among others, the film is essentially divided into two parts. First, the story telling, where Ryno gives his confession about his time with Vellini. Second, the action, which is also the aftermath of Ryno's decision to leave Vellini and marry Hermangarde. Though the first part of the film takes places in Paris, the second is in the blue, blustery seaside and marks a clear division between the two segments. For a minute I really thought this was going to lack the normal bleakness of a Breillat film and that she was going to deliver a lovely period piece about reformed libertines. Of course the ending proved me totally, gratefully wrong.

At its core, UNE VIELLE MAITRESSE is not the story of Ryno, the handsome libertine gone wrong but determined to prove his love; rather it is the story of Vellini, who engulfs the film in her large personality and inflamed sensuality even though we never see things from her perspective or hear her side of the story. Vellini is fickle and changeable, not in her personality, but in the way she appears to us from the screen. She is not young or conventionally beautiful, nor is she smart, interesting, or adept at the political games played by the aristocratic ladies. But we see her in every role imaginable - proud, insecure young woman, resolved wife, passionate lover, grief-torn mother, friend, confidant, and determined seductress. Despite all of this, Breillat never allows us to really know her. She remains an independent being, despite her older husband in the beginning of the film and despite her refusal to give up Ryno.

Asia Argento is excellent as Vellini. Though I'm a big fan of hers, I was surprised to see her in a major, dramatic role in what I first thought was a conventional period piece. When she smiles unconsciously and looks deep into Ryno's eyes, we understand the je ne sais qua that makes her so attractive. She is well matched with newcomer Fu'ad Ait Aattou, who was allegedly discovered by Breillat in a cafe. He is Ryno, with his voluptuous beauty and shy smile. He and Argento are essentially playing characters who are not drawn together by a love of one another, but by a consuming, mutual love of pleasure and independence.

If you haven't seen any of Breillat's incredible work, she usually focuses on themes of love and sexuality, though with plenty of violent, explicit elements. Though UNE VIELLE MAITRESSE is a relatively accessible film and doesn't overtly attempt to shatter any taboos, I think it does on a much subtler level. Both Ryno and Vellini are anarchistic characters who float alongside the upper social strata, but lack the breeding, money, or hard work that normally places people there. Their insistance on independence continually flaunts the middle class values at work in the rest of the film and betrays the fickle nature of love and the inherent instability of marriage, which is presented as little more than a social, economic contract.

I loved the film and it comes highly recommended. Aside from the subtle screenwriting and accomplished cast, UNE VIELLE MAITRESSE is visually sumptuous and appears to be inspired by the paintings of Goya. I could say a lot more about it, but as a final note, it is also interesting, like most of Breillat's work, as an incredible, if cruel, exploration of female sexuality. Though I only just watched it for the first time, I'm sure subsequent viewings will reveal more treasures.

There is no readily available region 1 DVD, but the film is streaming on Netflix and there's a nice PAL region 2 from Artificial Eye. If you thought you knew Asia Argento before this, think again.

SWIMMING POOL

2011-09-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

Francois Ozon, 2003
Starring: Charlotte Rampling, Ludivine Sangier, Charles Dance

Though usually advertised as a sexy murder mystery or psychological thriller, Ozon's breakthrough film is more about the difficult process of writing and, as a writer, I absolutely loved it. Sarah (the great Charlotte Rampling) is sent on holiday by her publisher, John (Charles Dance). She is a well-known mystery and crime fiction novelist, but is suffering from the strain of her lonely, London existence. John, who is occasionally also her lover, is eager to help her move past writer's block, but also seems interested in getting rid of her for awhile.

She heads to his home in the French countryside and settles down to a relaxing, if isolated schedule of writing. Late one night she is startled by the arrival of Julie, John's young, pretty French daughter who has shown up unannounced. Though Sarah is initially irritated by the younger woman's presence, she soon becomes fascinated by her voracious, indiscriminate sexual appetite and the secret diary hidden in Julie's bag. The two strike up a competitive friendship and Julie invites over a waiter Sarah is interested in, partly to drag her out of her repressed, English shell and partly to make her jealous. Sarah retires to bed and Julie makes a pass at him, which he refuses, only to turn up missing the next morning.

It turns out that Julie's mother died in some sort of accident and Julie has a breakdown, confusing Sarah for her mother. Sarah has a change of heart and begins to care for Julie, discovering that the poor waiter has been stashed in the pool shed. Julie admits it was an accident and the two women go about disposing the body. Julie gives Sarah a manuscript she claims her mother had written years ago, one that John refused to publish. Sarah returns home and finishes two books, the murder mystery she was initially working on, as well a newer, more personal book based on Julie's mother's manuscript, called Swimming Pool. She meets with John, who doesn't like the book, and confides that she has already had it published and is moving to a new firm. As she exits his office she passes his daughter, Julie, who is pretty and blonde, but not the same girl from the villa.

Though SWIMMING POOL went in a totally different direction than I expected, I loved it. There's a great script and wonderful performances from the two women. I'm a huge Rampling fan, so I went in expecting her to make the film a success. French actress and model Ludivine Sangier is also not to be missed and is perfectly cast as Julie.

SWIMMING POOL received favorable reviews, but a number of critics and filmgoers had a problem with the ending, when Ozon abruptly reveals that Julie, at least as we have come to know her, does not exist. I honestly don't see what the problem is. As I mentioned earlier, I enjoyed the film so much because of its comments on what it's like to be a writer. In addition to the isolated, daily hours of self-discipline required, you also have to have enough experiences, imagination, and spontaneity to be inspired. As Alan Moore will tell you, artists and writers, like magicians, create and shape their own realities. Is this what Sarah has done - created Julie for the purpose of her fiction?

For a sexy murder mystery, this isn't overtly sexy or too violent. Ludivine Sangier is frequently nude and exudes youthful sex appeal, but the sex scenes are carefully edited and barely rate as softcore. Rampling is one of those women, like Helen Mirren, who will be incredibly sexy regardless of age and her repressed British sexuality spills out over the edges in her fascination with Julie, obsessive voyeurism and masturbatory dreams.

This film comes highly recommended. Check out the unrated single-disc DVD from Universal. For the subtitle wary keep in mind that the dialogue regularly switches back and forth between French and English.

ANGEL

2011-09-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

Francois Ozon, 2007
Starring: Romola Garai, Sam Neill, Lucy Russell, Michael Fassbender, Charlotte Rampling

I recently had a double feature with this film and Ozon's acclaimed, earlier film SWIMMING POOL, both works about successful female writers. The similarity ends here, however, as ANGEL could hardly be any more different from SWIMMING POOL and it is somewhat astonishing that both films come from the same director.

Based on British author (not the actress) Elizabeth Taylor's novel Angel or The Real Life of Angel Deverell, about a young girl who rises from her impoverished beginnings as a shop keeper's daughter to find fame and fortune through writing. She publishes a series of imaginative, if ridiculous romance novels that are devoured by the public, but scored by the intelligentsia. The selfish Angel is coddled and encouraged by her publisher, Theo (Sam Neill), who looks past her flaws because she makes him so much money. One of her adoring fans, Nora (Lucy Russell), convinces Angel to take her on as a personal assistant and secretary. Though Angel is initially a little repulsed by Nora's devotion, she hires her mainly to get closer to her brother, Esme.

Esme (Michael Fassbender), is a womanizer, gambler and abstract painter with a gloomy disposition. Angel is instantly smitten with him and eventually convinces him to marry her. Though she is with the love of her life, wildly successful and living in her dream home, things soon begin to unravel. War breaks out, public opinion changes and Esme cannot remain faithful. In addition, he and Nora have been keeping a tragic secret from Angel.

Ozon's first English language production is essentially a period piece satire that harkens back to early Hollywood melodramas and even earlier theatrical melodrama that rose to popularity in Victorian England. Melodrama, with few exceptions, is a popular rather than literary genre, meant to enflame the emotions at the expense of realism. ANGEL is an excellent example of this, but is unlikely to be accessible for most audiences. The titular character is unpleasant, unlikable and ridiculous. We almost don't want her to acquire riches and acclaim and her final fall is more grotesque than tragic.

I'm not sure how I feel about this film. Michael Fassbender gives a wonderful performance as Esme and we can never truly tell if he is a deeply flawed man with a good heart or simply out to take Angel for all she is worth. Romola Garai is lovely as Angel and gives an enthusiastic performance, but is simply unable to make the character remotely likable or sympathetic.

Though I would only really recommend the film to Ozon devotees or lovers of old melodrama, it is visually stunning and has something interesting things to say about the frequently unhappy nature of love and compromise and the inherent selfishness of artists. But it does have Michael Fassbender. Check out the DVD if you're interested.

THE LAST EXORCISM

2011-09-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Daniel Stamm, 2010
Starring: Patrick Fabian, Ashley Bell, Iris Bahr, Louis Herthum, Caleb Landry Jones

I've been burned by almost every single occult-themed film that has come on in the 00's. While I was initially very skeptical of THE LAST EXORCISM, I read enough positive reviews and heard good word-of-mouth feedback that I tracked down a copy and settled in to watch it.

Cotton Marcus, a skeptical evangelical preacher, has reached the point in his life where he's basically delivering sermons just to rake in the cash and care for his family. He decides to wrap up this part of his life, but first will do one last exorcism, which will be caught on film by a documentary crew who wants to expose exorcisms as fake. From a large pile, he chooses a letter from a farmer in rural Louisiana, whose daughter Nell seems to be possessed by a demon. Nell has some very real problems, though the Reverend and the filmmakers believe these to be undiagnosed psychological problems, made worse by her father's abusive behavior and his insistance on complete isolation for the family. Though the Reverend initially believes he has cured Nell, violence quickly escalates and there are plenty of new strange occurrences. Driven to the edge, Nell's father offers the Reverend an ultimatum: give his daughter a real exorcism or he will kill her.

It turns out that I was right and all the people who gave this good reviews are complete idiots. THE LAST EXORCISM is yet another poorly written, poorly developed occult film that sets up an initially interesting premise, but soon dashes it on the rocks with cliches, overly blunt transitions, and a conclusion that makes me want to rip my eyeballs out in frustration.

It turns out that the local church is full of Satan worshippers who want to use Nell as the host for their dark lord. They imprison her and the film crew and use them in a satanic ritual before killing everyone.

Bo-o-o-ring.

And yeah, I just ruined it for you. But this has so much in common with every other recently made, trite occult film that I want to impress on you how imperative it is NOT to see THE LAST EXORCISM.

In the film's defense there's decent acting and some creepy incest/abuse undertones, but those are swept away almost instantly in favor of the same stupid plot devices used by every other stupid American EXORCIST-derivative film in the last two (or probably three) decades.

Most of all I'm sorry that I made other people suffer and watch it with me.

xXx

2011-09-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

Rob Cohen, 2002
Starring: Vin Diesel, Asia Argento, Samuel L. Jackson, Marton Csokas

Absolutely everything about this film is ridiculous. Almost offensively ridiculous. In the event that you haven't seen it, let me quickly rehash the plot.

Xander Cage (Vin Diesel), an anarchistic extreme sports celebrity, is busted by the cops for a recent stunt that involved driving a senator's car off of a bridge. He is recruited by Samuel L. Jackson and the NSA to spy on ex-Russian Army terrorists in Prague involved in an organization called Anarchy 99. They have wild parties by night, but during the day develop a plot to overthrow all major European cities. Can Xander stop them? Does he even care?

If you are planning to watch this movie because you expect a film to have reasonable dialogue or a plot that makes sense stop reading right now. This is the type of film where you absolutely have to switch your brain off, but if you can, you're probably going to be pleasantly surprised.

Or not.

I can't really defend xXx. It's a piece of shit. But I also really love it. There are some amazing cars, explosions, fisticuffs, secret agents, a Prague setting, Asia Argento, Samuel L. Jackson, and, depending on whether you like him or not, Vin Diesel, hamming it up and seemingly having a sense of humor about it all. The acting and dialogue are terrible. There are some scenes where Asia Argento looks like she's about to burst out laughing.

But why does that have to matter? There are certain films that work because everything that could go wrong does and I think this is one of them. In no reasonable universe should I believe and be entertained by this plot, but I do and I am. It's for action fans only, but if you consider yourself an action fan and can't lighten up enough to enjoy xXx, there's something wrong with you. It's almost like they made a list of awesome shit in action/espionage films and jammed them into the script however they could. There are some pretty crazy stunts - Vin Diesel's stunt double apparently died during filmmaking, in the scene at the end of the film when Xander (nickname/code name is XXX in case I failed to mention that) has to rappel down onto a moving submarine.

The thing that boggles my mind about the film - and I can't believe I'm saying this - is its attitude towards women. Misogyny abounds in action and horror cinema. I'm used to it, I expect it, and frequently enjoy it. In xXx, it's particularly strange. Women are kept around by Anarchy 99 for parties (presumably hired women) and are referred to in ways that you might expect. What's weird about it is that there is very little nudity or sexual interaction in any way. There aren't a lot of babes hanging around, other than a scene where Xander returns to his bedroom after a night of partying and Anarchy 99 have graciously left him a hooker. But then there's Asia Argento's character, Yelena, an ice cold double agent who has maneuvered her way into dating the head of Anarchy 99, seems to control their finances, and can kick some serious ass when it comes down to it.

But none of this really makes sense anyway, so I don't know why I'm thinking about it at all.

If you like big dumb action movies, this is a pretty great one. It especially sweetens the deal if you're into either extreme sports or espionage thrillers, as there's a lot of both thrown in for good measure.

This is the fancy special edition, which is so cheap it's almost worth buying it instead of renting it. Make sure you have lots of beer and popcorn on hand.

Jimmy Sangster

2011-08-26T11:43:00.001-07:00

A little slow on the uptake because of my current travels (no phone, no internet, no time), I wanted to pay my respects to Hammer Horror great Jimmy Sangster.

Sangster died last week at the age of 83 and has left behind a lifetime of horror treasures, namely his numerous screenplays and occasional directorial efforts for Hammer, which rank among some of my favorite horror films of all time.

He contributing writing, either story or script, for over seventy films and television episodes, including X: THE UNKNOWN, THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, THE HORROR OF DRACULA, THE CRAWLING EYE, THE BRIDES OF DRACULA, THE MUMMY, PARANOIAC, DRACULA: PRINCE OF DARKNESS, THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN and episodes of Circle of Fear, The Six Million Dollar Man and Kolchak: The Night Stalker.

Sangster also directed a handful of horror films, including Hammer efforts THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN and one of my personal satanic favorites, LUST FOR A VAMPIRE. He also contributed to the long legacy of Hammer Studios with roles as a production assistant and later manager, assistant director and second unit director.

Plain and simple, there would be no Hammer without Sangster and no modern horror as we know it. Here's a good article from Cinema Retro about Sangster and Hammer.

TESIS

2011-08-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

Alejandro Amenábar, 1996

Starring: Ana Torrent, Fele Martinez, Eduardo Noriega

I don’t deal well with the heat. As a result, going to movie theaters has become a habitual summer activity and I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’m willing to tolerate a lot more fluff than in the colder temperatures. I’m disgusted to report that while I’ve seen a number of averagely entertaining bad action films, the only effectively scary movie I’ve seen all summer has been a rental of Amenábar’s excellent TESIS (which translated to THESIS, though it is also known in English as SNUFF).

Released in 1996 and starring Ana Torrent and Fele Martinez, TESIS was Amenábar’s award-winning first feature film. It cleaned up at the Goya’s, which are essentially the Spanish version of the Oscars, and received rave reviews in the Spanish press.

A graduate student, Ángela, chooses to write her thesis on violence in film and media, so she seeks out the help of her advisor and a fellow student, Chema, who is obsessed with horror films. Her professor locates a snuff film in the school archives and has a heart attack while watching it. Ana steals the tape and convinces Chema to help her get to the bottom of it when they recognize a missing student in the film. Their nosing around draws them close to the heart of the mystery and within dangerous grasp of the murderer.

TESIS has a lot to offer. There is some capable acting, helmed by the lovely, wide-eyed Ana Torrent as Ángela. Her character is pitted against the awkward, antisocial Chema and the charming, handsome, but potentially dangerous Bosco. Ángela’s sexual desire thickens the plot and brings her self-destructive tendencies to light, namely when she begins to have violently sexual dreams about Bosco. There are also some delightfully terrifying moments that take place in either semi or total darkness in the bowels of the school. Not genuinely a horror film, TESIS is part thriller and part commentary on the obsession with violence (and violent sexuality in particular) in the media.

With that said, this is not a perfect film. Though it is a great first effort, it is overly blunt in parts, particularly if you’re expecting any sort of complex philosophical analysis of the attraction to violence that brings so many of us horror nerds to the genre in the first place. It is a successful riff on the great giallo films of the ‘60s and reminds me of the better efforts of Brian de Palma, particularly DRESSED TO KILL. Amenábar deftly displays his excellent visual style, which includes numerous scenes of people watching and listening to media in a subtle, suspenseful way.

Coincidentally, at the dawn of the continual string of appalling Hollywood remakes of European and Asian horror films, TESIS was loosely remade as the dreadful Nicholas Cage vehicle 8MM, which you should avoid at all costs. Fortunately, TESIS has been re-released in a special edition DVD; it was out of print too long.

Originally written for Ghouls on Film.

Some recognition

2011-08-24T14:09:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Son of Celluloid, I now have an award! Well, he was given an award and asked to pass on the favor and kindly acknowledged my blog.

Thanks a lot! I am high-fiving him across the internet. Do me a favor and check out his horror blog when you get a chance.

FINAL DESTINATION 5

2011-08-12T15:18:00.001-07:00

Stephen Quale, 2011

Starring: Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, Miles Fisher, Arlen Escarpeta, Tony Todd

What can I possibly say about FINAL DESTINATION 5? Not only is it the fifth film in a franchise with “final” in the title, but it’s the fifth film in a franchise that’s unabashedly, laughably formulaic. But unfortunately not laughable in a comedic sense. Though I was sort of entertained by the first film, the franchise as a whole leaves a bad taste in my mouth. This is basically what you would get if you took an ‘80s slasher film and put it through three decades of generic, bland Hollywood formula filmmaking influenced by a generation of studio executives who wet their pants when they think about how much money SCREAM unexpectedly made. The script is barely more than an outline, the dialogue is absurd and the acting is best left unmentioned.

With that said, FINAL DESTINATION 5 has two things going for it. There’s a great, twenty minute opening sequence, as well as some superb 3-D effects. It’s also a hell of a lot better than FINAL DESTINATION 4, though I could probably make a better film with a smart phone, some gum and a few toothpicks.

A group of 20-somethings all working for a paper firm prepare to go on a weekend long retreat. Immediately after getting dumped by his girlfriend, nice-guy Sam has a vision that they’re all going to die horribly on a bridge. He manages to convince a few friends to get of the bus just as the bridge collapses. They spent the rest of the film dying horribly and jumping to the conclusion that they probably weren’t supposed to survive the bridge accident.

I went into the theater expecting to hate FD5 and expecting it to be irredeemably terrible, so I think knowing what you’re getting into is half the battle. If you enjoy watching soap opera-types get killed in gruesome ways for no reason, you’ll probably be reasonably entertained. I think alcohol before, during and after also helped. I actually would have liked the film if it involved some sort of giant killer animals or ridiculously masked killer, but alas. Don’t expect anything clever or creative from the script, as I always unconsciously do.

One of the things that really blows my mind is the acting. It’s fucking terrible. It seems like the casting director went in search of Days of Our Lives rejects. And yet I know that a lot of these actors have established television careers and they must be better than this. The Walking Dead’s Emma Bell even has a co-starring role, not that it amounts to anything. I’m going to blame this mostly on the studio, but also on director Stephen Quale. It's his first, non-documentary feature, though he’s probably just spending too much time with James Cameron. Another potential source of blame is screenwriter Eric Heisserer, who wrote the awful NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET remake and the appallingly unnecessary remake of THE THING. Thanks for shitting all over everything I love, Hollywood.

Also, as a word of warning, don’t wait for the credits. Run from the theater at the final shot, because sandwiched between that and the credits is a horrific montage of deaths from the previous four films in the franchise that are all “enhanced” by the worst 3-D CGI blood I have ever seen. It’s insultingly bad.

Originally written for Cinedelphia.

CHILDREN OF THE CENTURY

2011-08-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

Diane Kurys, 1999

Starring: Juliette Binoche, Benoit Magimel, Stefano Dionisi, Robin Renucci, Karin Viard

Though it may seem out of place on this blog, I occasionally review period piece drama/biographies, many of which I am quite fond of. I've already covered one film about the love life of writer George Sand, IMPROMPTU, but LES ENFANTS DU SIECLE focuses on her earlier, more intense affair with French poet Alfred de Musset. The film is based on Musset's memoir, La Confession du enfant de siecle, which is his account of their relationship. Elements were also taken from Sand's later response to this, Elle et Lui.

The film begins with Sand's scandalous departure from her husband and home. She brings her two children to Paris and establishes herself as a writer, despite doubts from the local literati. During a disastrous salon reading of her work, she meets the younger, womanizing poet Musset. They begin a professional friendship and start collaborating on a play. Eventually this blossoms into a romantic relationship, despite the age difference, the displeasure of Musset's family and Musset's declaration that he could not possibly love anyone.

They take a trip to Venice to inspire their writing, which quickly turns ugly. While Sand suffers from an illness, Musset spends his time drinking and whoring. An Italian doctor, Pagello, cares for her and becomes smitten. When she recovers, Musset is bitter and spiteful anytime her attention strays from him, particularly during her daily writing sessions. To rebel, he takes a lethal dose of opium and nearly dies. Pagello helps Sand bring Musset back from the brink of death and helps lessen her grief. When he recovers, he has insane bouts of jealousy and almost kills her, driving her to stay with Pagello.

Months later, they reunite in Paris and rekindle their relationship after Sand has already rebuffed Musset many times. They have a brief happy period, which collapses under Musset's insane jealousy and his anger at Sand's betrayal with Pagello. With his family's assistance, they have a bitter parting. On the day of Musset's early death, she discovers that he never received the last few, impassioned letters she wrote to him.

Though I enjoyed the film, it is deeply flawed. There's an incredibly rich amount of history between Sand, Musset and the explosive time period, arguably not enough to capture in one film, but it seems like writer/director Kurys doesn't even try. If you are unfamiliar with any of the figures, this is not the place to acquaint yourself with them. We are barely given any explanation of Sand's fiery personality - her habits of wearing men's clothing, smoking in public and taking a variety of lovers, not counting her divorce and established career as a writer. CHILDREN OF THE CENTURY skims over the crucial parts of what makes both of them unique artistic personalities. With Musset, we only know he is a poet from inference. He really seems like more of a whoring, foppish drunkard with a bad temper. And this is the real problem of the film - it is very hard to understand the mutual attraction between Sand and Musset.

Something else that disappointed me is the strangely weak portrayal of Sand. She spends most of her time wearing a dress, looking lovely and writing seriously at her desk. The rest of the time she just seems like an abused girlfriend, which is enormously out of character with the historical Sand. With that said, I hate to admit that the film is somewhat marred by Binoche's feminine, beautiful presence. She's an amazing actress and is fully able to capture the depth of emotion necessary, but Sand should be fiery, masculine and more striking than beautiful.

The real reason to see this film is Magimel. He's perfect as Musset and is a living, breathing reminder of the instability of artistic genius. CHILDREN OF THE CENTURY is also excellent at capturing longing and the unattainability of passionate love. With that said, it is not a particularly deep film and is heavy on the melodrama, light on depth. It is, however, beautiful and benefits from some excellent cinematography by Vilko Filac (a regular Kusturica collaborator). To great effect, it was shot on location in Paris, Nohant (Sand's ancestral home in the French countryside) and Venice, frequently using the rooms that Sand and Musset stayed in.

Check it out if you're in the mood for an intense costume drama/period piece. There's a single disc DVD from Koch Lorber.

COWBOYS & ALIENS

2011-08-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

Jon Favreau, 2011

Starring: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde

Make no mistake - this is a movie called COWBOYS & ALIENS. If you expect it to be some sort of cinematic tour de force, you're going to be bitterly disappointed. On the other hand, if you're a reasonable, rational person and expect to see cowboys getting eaten by/shooting at aliens for almost two hours, you'll probably be reasonably entertained.

Jake Lonergin (Daniel Craig, who is the entire reason I went to see this film) wakes up with his memory wiped blank, a strange wound on his side that doesn't seem to be a bullet hole and a weird metal bracelet clapped to his wrist that refuses to come off. He finds his way to a small town that has fallen on hard times. The most prominent local business man, Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford), is something of a thug and his spoiled, drunk, violent son goes unchecked until Jake shows up and teaches him some manners. One thing leads to another and the sheriff comes for Dolarhyde's son, who has "accidentally" shot a deputy and for Jake. It turns out he is a wanted robber and an infamous outlaw.

When the two men are about to be taken away, the town is attacked by alien ships. Many buildings are destroyed and several members of the town are kidnapped. The ships are only driven away when Jake's bracelet activates; it turns out it's an extremely powerful weapon. Dolarhyde's son has been taken, so his men, a young boy, the town doctor, the preacher and a mysterious woman with an interest in Jake, Ella (Olivia Wilde), band together and track the aliens north. Jake returns to his home, which he has finally remembered and recalls that he and the woman he loved were taken by the aliens when he brought home a bag full of gold. Filled with remorse, he heads to meet the band of villagers and join in their fight. The small group has to contend with personal difficulties, alien attacks, Jake's former gang of outlaws and an Apache tribe. Eventually Jake regains his memory and they find the alien base and prepare for a final showdown in the hope of rescuing their loved ones.

There are plenty of good and bad things to say about COWBOYS & ALIENS, but it isn't really the kind of film that requires deep critical analysis. Though the action and visual effects are pleasing, the plot and script are a bit thin. A strong initial premise gets flushed gradually down the toilet by a cartoonish pillaging of Western tropes. The tribe of Apaches was taking a bit far.

Daniel Craig delivers exactly what you would expect and though I said this when I first saw CASINO ROYALE, I still think he's the heir to Steve McQueen. The man seems to enjoy getting the living shit beaten out of him at every turn. His American accent is stretched pretty thin, but who cares? Harrison Ford kind of phones in his performance as the asshole businessman Dolarhyde, but, when it comes down to it, you're still watching Harrison Ford.

One of the things about the film that irritated me a little was an attempt to have a bunch of characters who are absolute bastards that gradually reveal their hearts of gold. It doesn't really work, but is a brave effort at across-the-board character development. Unfortunately, there's a healthy dose of Hallmark sensibility at play that gets a little cloying by the end of the film.

Overall, I recommend seeing it if you want a fun summer blockbuster. Based on the graphic novel of the same name, the film has gone through a long development process, but I think it was in the right hands with director Jon Favreau. Not only has he helmed the popular IRON MAN films, but he directed one of my favorite movies of all time: ELF. Yes, that Will Ferrel Christmas movie. I especially recommend COWBOYS & ALIENS if you liked IRON MAN, which it is stylistically very similar to. There is a basic DVD from Universal, as well as a fancy pants Blu-ray option.

TROLLHUNTER

2011-08-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

Andre Ovredal, 2010

Starring: Otto Jespersen, Glenn Erland Tosterud, Johanna Morck, Tomas Alf Larsen

This comedy-fantasy-action-horror film is exactly what you would expect from the title - a film about a Norwegian guy who hunts trolls. Three film students pursuing an independent project about bear poachers stumble across a strange, unfriendly man who turns out to be the head of a secret government team assigned to hunt down renegade trolls. Hans, the troll hunter, eventually agrees to cooperate with the students, because after many years on the job, he thinks the public deserve to know the truth about who/what has been sharing their country. The students accompany Hans on several dangerous mission to create a documentary about the trolls.

TROLLHUNTER is fun and entertaining, but I can't say much other than that. There are some solid performances, the visual effects are done well, and there are some genuinely funny and suspenseful moments. TROLLHUNTER, like so many other films of this type, has unfortunately suffered from an overabundance of hype and mismarketing. If you're expecting to see a horror film, you're going to be disappointed. I hate to say it for the ten thousandth time, but any film that spends a significant amount of money on marketing, secrecy and creating a viral campaign is destined to fail. I wish that much time had gone into creating a solid script with three-dimensional characters, both of which are lacking in TROLLHUNTER.

Mockumentaries usually annoy the shit out of me, but it works well here. On the other hand, it doesn't bring anything new to the table and doesn't really do anything remotely creative. Honestly, the film left a bad taste of Hollywood in my mouth. What could have been a much richer and more imaginative story is instead replaced by a quick pillaging of Norwegian culture and legend, but Norway obviously didn't seem to mind, because it got very good reviews.

I did enjoy the film, but I think I expected to much. It's certainly worthy of a rental, if only for Otto Jespersen convincing and funny performance. He essentially carries the entire film. If you don't expect anything more than a sometimes-scary, sometimes-funny monster movie, then you'll probably enjoy yourself. All my grumpiness aside, it's an entertaining film. Plus there are trolls.

The film does not currently have a DVD release date, though it has received enough acclaim that I'm sure one is in the works.

PREDATOR 2

2011-08-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

Stephen Hopkins, 1990

Starring: Danny Glover, Gary Busey, Ruben Blades, Kevin Peter Hall, Maria Conchita Alonso, Bill Paxton

PREDATOR has the distinction of being the first film in memory that scared the living shit out of me. I was four years old and can clearly recall feeling a mixture of terror and absolute joy. It was, you might say, the beginning of the end. Over two decades later I'm still obsessed with horror. (I know PREDATOR is more of an action film, but it does have a monster/alien, plus I was four...)

I completely forgot about the existence of PREDATOR 2. A few weeks ago some friends were trying to find something quick and disposable on Comcast's Fearnet and we stumbled across PREDATOR 2, which turned out to be the highlight of the day, if not week.

Picking up vaguely where PREDATOR left off, a Predator is in the middle of a fire fight between Columbian and Jamaican gangs, who are also facing off against the Los Angeles police department. Lt Harrigan (Glover) witnesses the Predator kill some Columbians, but understandably thinks he's hallucinating. He's taken to task for the absolute massacre by the Captain and is forced to meet the arrogant Agent Keyes (Busey), who is in charge of a shady task force supposedly sent to investigate the drug cartels. Harrigan's team also gets a new, eccentric detective (Bill Paxton).

There's a truly awesome scene where the Predator fucking massacres a room full of Jamaicans who are preparing to torture and murder one of the Columbians. Harrigan and his team explore the bizarre scene until they are kicked out by Keyes and the task force. Unfortunately a member of Harrigan's team is killed (Blades) and he vows to find the killer and get vengeance for his friend. One of the Jamaicans, who is stereotypically a voodoo master, tells Harrigan that the killer is not human, which promptly gets him killed.

More of his team gets attacked and killed by the Predator on a subway car, which drives Harrigan over the edge. Keyes stops him, finally cluing him in on the fact that he's looking for a highly advanced alien who hunts humans for fun. Keyes' team is not there to investigate the cartels; they want to capture and study the Predator. Harrigan shows up and has a face off with the Predator, using its own weapons against it. Can he defeat it? Or will it rip his skin off and hang him from the rafters?

What really blows my mind is that the film was initially given an NC-17 rating and had to be cut down. It's surprisingly gory and, honestly, surprisingly good. It's the penultimate '90s action film. It has a ridiculous plot, explosions, a sniper team, Danny Glover, Ruben Blades, Gary Busey, and Bill fucking Paxton. If you're having a bad day, watch this as a triple feature with ALIENS and TERMINATOR 2 and it will turn everything around. I promise.

Critics hated PREDATOR 2, but obviously none of them had the sense of humor or joie de vivre required to like good action films. Which this is. The newly designed Predator looks a bit ridiculous, but he still kills with reckless abandon and that's why you wanted to watch the movie in the first place, right? You obviously need the 2-disc special edition.

THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY

2011-08-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

Alfred Hitchcock, 1955

Starring: Edmund Gwenn, John Forsythe, Mildred Natwick, Mildred Dunnock, Shirley MacLaine, Jerry Mathers

Hitchcock's only true comedy, THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY is, predictably, a black comedy. A number of people in a small Vermont town each find a corpse and are convinced that they've killed him and must now hide the body. Harry, the corpse, is not particularly well-liked and is regarded as most of the townspeople as little more than an inconvenience.

Captain Wiles thinks he accidentally shot Harry while rabbit hunting in the woods and is the first to discover the body. A spinster, Miss Gravely, thinks she killed him, because Harry ran out from the bushes and attacked her, so she hit him in the head with a hiking boot. Harry's wife, Jennifer, thinks she killed him because they fought and she hit him with a bottle. They each discover the corpse in turn. Captain Wiles is determined to bury the corpse, when Miss Gravely comes upon the scene. She thinks the Captain has intuited that she killed Harry and is burying the body for her. Jennifer and her young son discover him and are content to leave him in the woods. Sam, an artist, has a crush on Jennifer and is determined to help his friends however he can.

The foursome decide to bury the body, which later involves unburying it, moving, and otherwise trying to hide Harry from the police, who will simply not understand the situation. It turns out that Harry actually died of natural causes and everyone will live happily ever after. The respective couples (Sam and Jennifer, the Captain and Miss Gravely) have romantically paired off and Sam has sold his avant garde paintings to a millionaire.

I think my favorite thing about THE TROUBLE WITH HARRY is the incredibly whimsical attitude the townspeople have about death, romance, and, above all, themselves. They are all weird, flawed characters who manage to come together and find romance despite their personality drawbacks and the corpse on their hands. The four actors have great chemistry and take note of a very young, very feisty Shirley MacLaine. The film is based on the novel by Jack Trevor Story and is notable for being the first Bernard Herrmann score in a long and famous partnership between Hitchcock and the composer.

Though it comes highly recommended, it's an acquired taste. If you like quirky, black comedy, this is for you, as the film is genuinely very funny. It would make an entertaining double feature with ARSENIC AND OLD LACE, though the script and performances are a lot less flamboyant. The pastoral, homey nature of the setting is perfectly echoed in the script, so don't expect the fireworks and masterful suspense that mark most of Hitchcock's work. Here's the Universal DVD, which is pretty basic, but comes with an entertaining featurette.

THE HOUSE OF LONG SHADOWS

2011-08-03T11:41:00.000-07:00

Pete Walker, 1983

Starring: Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, John Carradine

It's truly a shame that this last gasp effort from a group of beloved horror legends has fallen into obscurity. Though it took me awhile to track down a copy, this is one of my favorite rainy-day movies and I recommend it to anyone who likes haunted house mysteries, or anyone who wants to see Price, Lee, Cushing, and Carradine together.

A snotty, young writer makes a bet with his publisher that he can write a creepy mystery novel in 24 hours. To achieve this, he rents an abandoned Welsh manor for the night, but he discovers, to his horror, that it is already occupied by the aged Grisbane family, ancestral heirs of the manor. The wizened Lord Grisbane (Carradine) has been living there with his daughter, but soon his sons Lionel (Price) and Sebastian (Cushing) make an appearance for a family visit. They are also interrupted by Mary, the publisher's secretary, who was hired to scare the writer in the middle of the night, along with a few other stragglers seeking shelter from the storm.

The somewhat decrepit family members finally admit that they have reunited to release their eldest brother, Roderick, who they have kept walled up in room because of a murder he committed as a youth. Roderick, as you may have imagined, has already escaped, and bodies begin to pile up around the house. When everyone tries to leave, they discover that their cars have been sabotaged and they are forced to wait out the storm (and murders) throughout the night. Can they find Roderick before he kills them all?

You're going to have to brace yourself for a ridiculous ending, or rather three ridiculous ending in a row. The film is based on a book, The Seven Keys to Baldpate by Earl Derr Biggers (of Charlie Chan fame), but someone should have stepped in at chopped it off at the first, best ending. The script has its weak moments and it definitely feels dated, but there are dark family secrets, hidden passageways, a dark, stormy night, and some grisly murders. I was hoping the writer would get slowly tortured and then murdered, but no such luck. Price, Cushing, and Lee outshine any of the other annoying characters, and Price, in particular, is in top form as Lionel Grisbane.

Another amazing tidbit about this film is the fact that it's directed by fucking Pete Walker, British master of nasty sex/exploitation/horror films from the '70s. This is a pretty big departure from the rest of his work, but it still has enough mean-spirited moments and brutal deaths to remind you who is at the helm. Strangely, it's Walker's last film to date.

Like I said earlier - it doesn't have the strongest script or acting, but it's clear that almost everyone involved had a really good time making this film. Track it down if you can. This is the VHS copy I have, though there are also bootlegs and torrents available.

Or you could watch it right now. Thanks, internet.

Michael Palin's New Europe

2011-07-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

John Paul Davidson, Roger Mills, 2007

Starring Michael Palin

This is absolutely not related to genre in any way, shape or form, but it is my newest obsession. Long after leaving the Pythons, Michael Palin built up a reputation as a world traveler. He made a number of BBC sponsored documentaries and television programs, including 2007's New Europe. In short, it's amazing. If you're as obsessed with Monty Python or Michael Palin as I am, or you really love travel shows, this comes highly recommended.

There are seven one-hour long episodes, all focused on post-Berlin Wall Eastern Europe, countries that were closed to tourism and trade under the communist regime. He breaks neighboring countries down into episodes, visiting Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia, Serbia, Albania, Macedonia, Bulgaria, Turkey, Moldova, Romania, Hungary, the Ukraine, Poland, the Czech Republic, and East Germany among others.

What's interesting about this show is that it focuses on whatever Michael Palin wants it to - history, food, music, art, architecture, tourism, etc. The broad scope and easy narrative style keeps it from ever being boring, plus he gives enough of a political background to keep even the most historically illiterate up to speed. And if you're someone (like me) who loves Eastern Europe and wants to see more of it, this show is informative and inspiring.

Palin does a weird mixture of things on the show. Sometimes he acts like an bourgeois tourist, other times he learns from the natives. A lot of times, he gets involved in things you would only find out about with research, planning, and rudimentary language skills, like the amazing pagan festival he joins in on. There are also a couple of episodes where he does things that only Michael Palin could hope to do, like learn how to drive a train or host a fashion show. He does some truly amazing things that normal people could probably also do with some sweet talking (or money), like taking lessons to learn how to drive ex-Nazi tanks in East Germany. I'm not kidding. Apparently they're run by a guy who thinks that tanks are too amazing to junk, so he keeps them in good shape and takes people out for rides.

Keep in mind that this was made in 2006-2007, so most of the information is still current and relative to any near-future travels you might have in mind. Check it out streaming on Netflix or as part of the 3-disc BBC box set, and, while you're at it, flip through his book, which includes material and photographs that didn't fit into the program. You can also go to his travel page and see what he's up to in more recent years.

I made it a whole review without making a single Monty Python reference, so I will leave you with this:

13 ASSASSINS

2011-07-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

Takashi Miike, 2010

Starring: Koji Yakusho, Takayuki Yamada, Yusuke Iseya, Goro Inagaki

JUSAN-NIN NO SHIKAKU aka 13 ASSASSINS took me completely by surprise. To be completely honest, I shuffled in the theater expecting a weird-for-weird's-sake, disappointing ICHII THE KILLER riff on a samurai tale. And boy was I happy to be proven completely wrong.

Essentially a remake of a 1963 Eiichi Kudo film of the same name (which I have not seen), the plot is pretty basic. During peacetime, an aging samurai, Shinzaemon, is secretly charged with the task of assassinating the young, sadistic Lord Naritsugu. He is the Shogun's brother, so he has legal immunity, but his devastating acts of cruelty and murder have forced the council to move against him. Shinzaemon begrudgingly comes out of retirement to collect a small band of warriors for his suicide mission. How can one ragtag group of samurai go up against an army?

Shinzaemon gathers 11 other samurai and samurai-in-training. Among them are the experienced, sassy Kuranaga, his second in command, who brings some of his students and Shinzaemon's nephew, who drinks, gambles and otherwise has nothing else to live for. Most of the band are either older, experienced ronin samurai looking for one last battle or newcomers hoping to prove themselves. They also accidentally collect a dirty, renegade hunter who guides them through the forest, but stays on to fight.

With some incredible planning, the 13 assassins intend to confront Naritsugu and his men in a village they have emptied and outfitted with a variety of effective and nasty booby traps. When Naritsugu is re-routed from his original path and successfully shows up, they are dismayed to find that he has brought 200 men, more than twice the number they expected. It is up to the skill of the samurai and their military-style fortifications to trap Naritsugu and stop him once and for all.

Much to my surprise I absolutely loved this film. I don't want to sound overly skeptical - I'm a huge Takashi Miike fan, but I haven't really been up to date with his new releases in the last few years, so I wasn't sure what to expect. After the major disappointment of "Imprint," his Masters of Horror episode, I try to take all his newer work with a grain of salt.

13 ASSASSINS was an absolute joy. It's perfectly paced and has the right mix of adventure, justice dispensing, sword fighting and general samurai awesomeness to thrill anyone who loves the genre. There are also a lot of nice references to SEVEN SAMURAI and other beloved jidaigeki, which is a sub-genre of Japanese period drama that focuses on samurai and sometimes working class people from the Edo period. If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, check out Kurosawa films like RAN and THRONE OF BLOOD or the HANZO and LADY SNOWBLOOD films if you want a healthy dose of exploitation. A lot of Kurosawa's best work fits in this genre, actually, so you would be stupid to avoid it. A somewhat side element of this genre is the use of the supernatural. Films like UGETSU MONOGATARI and ONIBABA pit working class people and their passions against yokai. Miike snuck in an element of this with the character of Kiga, the hunter and guide, who may or may not be human.

There's a great mix of humor with the usual Miike touches of violence and depravity. In particular, there's a gruesome scene in the beginning of the film that sent one of the other theater patrons hurrying for the door. Sissy. In general, the violence was spectacular. It didn't feel at all like Miike's earlier horror films, and was perfectly suited to the heroic-epic style of the rest of the film. The violence leads linearly in one direction - either the death of Lord Naritsugu and his men or the death of the 13 assassins, though if you've seen the genre before, you have a good idea of where it's heading.

Another aspect of the film I really enjoyed, again surprisingly, was the well-developed characters. For the most part, all 13 of the warriors stand out clearly, even if they are just given little bits of personality and motivation. There is something especially touching in the fact that this is a group of men who were all born in the wrong century. Yes, they are sacrificing their lives to restore justice, but mostly it is clear that they would rather be great warriors for one last battle than live out their lives in a flaccid, stale time of peace and ensuing political corruption.

I also have to applaud the acting. Koji Yakusho is great as the serious, take-no-prisoners Shinzaemon. He's a wonderful actor in everything I've seen him in, but seems particularly suited to play a world-weary samurai. It might be an era of peace, but he doesn't fuck around. Hiroki Matsukada is equally wonderful as the humorous Kuranaga. Equally deadly, but capable of some much needed comic relief. Goro Inagaki is delightful as the spoiled, villainous Lord Naritsugu. Though he doesn't have a lot of scenes, our understanding of his character shifts immensely from the beginning of the film to the final scene.

I'm done gushing, I promise. It goes without saying that 13 ASSASSINS comes highly recommended and is one of my favorite theatrical releases of 2011. I saw the theatrical international cut, which is 126 minutes, but if you get a chance to see the 141-minute uncut Japanese version, go for it. The newly released Magnolia DVD is the international cut, but the missing footage is included in the extras. If you have a Blu-ray player, you should probably view this like it was meant to be seen, in all it's Blu-ray glory.

THE BEASTMASTER

2011-07-18T06:48:00.001-07:00

Don Coscarelli, 1982

Starring: Marc Singer, Tanya Robert, Rip Torn, John Amos

How you can go from PHANTASM to THE BEASTMASTER I'm not sure, but in retrospect, I think it was the perfect choice. I may have a soft spot for sword-and-sandal fantasy/action throwbacks like CONAN, KRULL, and THE BEASTMASTER, but how anyone could find it in their hearts to dislike this film, I'll never know. Entertainment gold, my friends.

Honestly, the plot is a lot like CONAN, but with animals. Dar, son of the king, is targeted by an evil sorcerer Maax, who has managed to overthrow and enslave the kingdom. The infant Dar is rescued by a villager who raises him as his own son, teaching him to fight, and accepting the bizarre development of his son's powers - the ability to communicate telepathically with animals. But as with any heroic epic, the happiness can't go on forever, and soon a band of warriors controlled by Maax kills Dar's adopted father and his entire village. A heartbroken Dar turns the entire village into a funeral pyre and vows revenge.

He finds some allies along the way - a black tiger (whatever that means), a falcon, and two ferrets. He also runs into Kiri, a beautiful slave girl who just happens to be bathing in the forest, and who rejects his advances. Dar also meets a group of creepy, winged alien creatures who suck the flesh from humans, but who respect Dar because of his connection with the falcon. They give him a mysterious amulet before disappearing.

Soon Dar finds his way to the village and witnesses Maax sacrificing children. When he saves one, he endears himself to the community, who are all desperate to get rid of Maax, but are also terrified of him. Dar hears that Kiri is going to be sacrificed and quickly heads to rescue her, encountering Seth, a warrior, and Tal, the young, exiled heir to the throne. They accidentally discover each other's plans and Tal reveals that Kiri is his cousin, so he and Seth accompany Dar to rescue her and save the king, who has been kept prisoner in the temple. Can they save the king and Dar's love without the diabolical Maax foiling their plans? What part with the creepy winged flesh eaters have to play?

Though it is certainly a riff on Robert E. Howard's Conan character, I don't think anyone except for Don Coscarelli would have included such weird and violent elements into the script, which he co-write. The winged creatures, for instance, fucking terrified me as a little kid. Plus there's the fact that Maax routinely sacrifices children, and also drains the blood from his enemies after torturing them almost to death, replacing it with a mysterious green goo that turns them into death-hungry, berserking soldiers.

I'm not sure what to say about Rip Torn as the villain. I mean, he is pretty villainous, but he's also Rip Torn. Though THE BEASTMASTER was relatively early in his career, I was born too late to see him as a serious villain. Though he definitely looks the part, he'll never be as terrifying as some of his contemporaries, like Dennis Hopper or Jack Nicholson. To be fair, he's about on par with James Earl Jones's Thulsa Doom in CONAN THE BARBARIAN.

To clear up the black tiger issue, they allegedly do exist. It's a rare genetic mutation that makes the fur black, though they supposedly still have tiger stripes. The tiger in THE BEASTMASTER, however, is not a rare black tiger. It's a regular tiger who has been unfortunately covered in shoe polish or some sort of cheap dye. Take a good look - when he goes to get a drink in the pool and then lifts his face back up, you can see that some of the dye has been washed away in about two seconds. One more thing I love about this movie.

I would stay away from the TV show, if I were you. I haven't seen it, so I can't confirm/deny it's entertainment value. This, of course, is coming from the person who has seen every episode of Highlander: The Series, so maybe I just need to give it a chance?

Pick up the single disc Anchor Bay DVD here. You know you want to. Who can resist "the courage of an eagle, the strength of a black tiger, and THE POWER OF A GOD"?! Plus, some reviewer at Amazon.com claims it was the best purchase they have ever made. Ever.

THE DEADLY SPAWN

2011-06-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Douglas McKeown, 1983

Starring: Charles George Hildebrant, Tom DeFranco, Richard Lee Porter, Jean Tafler, Karen Tighe, James Brewster, Elissa Neil

Despite all of my misconceptions, this movie is fucking amazing. Also known as RETURN OF THE ALIENS: THE DEADLY SPAWN, it is not actually a sequel, but like several other horror films in the '80's the studio attempted to link it to other films (HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH, anyone?) with a tricky name change. It also has nothing to do with Ridley Scott's ALIEN.

Using a tried and true plot device, a meteorite crashes to earth, unleashing a holocaust of demented alien beings that look like a cross between the Shai Hulud and venus flytraps. And by a holocaust, I mean a handful of creepy crawlies that infect a small, suburban neighborhood. They find a nesting place in a family's basement, growing large enough to do some real damage and eating the occasional family member who wanders downstairs. The primary victims are a group of hormonal teenagers and a luncheon for older vegetarian ladies.

Though the acting and dialogue are terrible, I couldn't help but root for the characters regardless. There are some nice effects and some truly hilarious moments that get better the higher your blood alcohol content rises. Highly recommended, particularly for fans of EVIL DEAD II, Peter Jackson's early films, and most '80's horror that straddles the line between gore and comedy. Also, anyone who enjoys fun should like it. Visit the awesome website and check out the DVD, which has some amazing commentary.

BUG (1975)

2011-06-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

Jeannot Szwarc, 1975

Starring: Bradford Dillman, Joanna Miles, Richard Gilliland, Jame Smith-Jackson

Please don't watch this movie. You'll thank me. I'm a sucker for animal-attack films, particularly anything involving bugs or spiders, but... no. Just no. This falls squarely under the territory of so-bad-it's-bad, possibly even so-bad-it's-unwatchable. It was the last film produced by the great William Castle, so I wish I had better things to say. Alas.

Super smart cockroaches emerge from the bowels of the earth during a major earthquake. Because that wasn't enough, they're also able to set fire to things, though unfortunately (?) they aren't used to the environment and begin to die off. A resourceful scientist saves some and figures out how to mate them, breeding a resilient, intelligent, fire-starting, flying cockroach. Just what the world needs. Needless to say, disaster strikes, though not hard enough to keep this from being the silly, snoozefest that it is.

Based on Thomas Page's novel The Hephaestus Plague, I'm wondering if there's any way the book is better than the film, but I'm not brave or masochistic enough to find out. Other than the boredom factor, I have no idea why this film didn't work. It has a ridiculous enough plot and some amusing death scenes. Unfortunately death-by-fire is usually a poor substitute for gore and BUG supports that hypothesis 100%. It also dips into too many different wells for the plot. Part disaster film, part animal-attack film and part mad scientist sci-fi effort, it's spread too thinly over the map.

Check it out if you're feeling up for some self-punishment, otherwise go for Szwarc's far superior JAWS 2. I'm pretty sure you either have to be pre-pubescent or drunk to enjoy this film. Not being either of those was clearly my mistake.

Here's a taste.

COUNT DRACULA

2011-06-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

Jess Franco, 1970

Starring: Christopher Lee, Klaus Kinski, Soledad Miranda, Herbert Lom, Maria Rohm, Fred Williams

Normally I'm right there with Jess Franco. His films might not be the most popular, but I usually respect what he's doing and leave his movies feeling entertained and like I've shared some sort of private joke with this anarchistic director. That was sadly not the case with his rendition of COUNT DRACULA. I suspect a large part of the problem is that the world absolutely does not need another Dracula adaptation.

You know the story. Jonathan Harker is hired to travel to Transylvania and aid Count Dracula in securing several properties around London. The Count turns out to be a vampire, puts the bite on Harker, travels back to London and spreads his vampiric plague, namely to Harker's wife and her hot friend. Harker, with the help of an eccentric doctor and some friends, tries to stop him. Blah blah blah race against time, gypsies, blah.

COUNT DRACULA is a flawed, but entertaining attempt to make a successful adaptation of Stoker's novel. Like Macbeth, I'm pretty sure Dracula is cursed. Instead of accidents and deaths, Dracula is plagued with a dozen "faithful" film adaptations, none of which really try to stay true to the novel. COUNT DRACULA comes relatively close, but Franco and Harry Alan Towers still felt the need to change a number of things in the script, which infuriates me. I know it's irrational, but why claim you're faithfully adapting a novel if you're not going to. Plus, I'm pretty sure Franco has no business adapting anything. His original films are always the most interesting, bizarre and rewarding. VAMPYROS LESBOS puts this film to shame.

With that said, there's a great cast, which makes COUNT DRACULA worth checking out at least once. Lee shines as Dracula, though feels strangely out of place in this German/Italian/Spanish co-production. I expect him to be surrounded by a bevy of generously-bosomed British babes, not exotic beauties like Franco regular Soledad Miranda. She is lovely, as always, though she should have gotten more screen time. Fred Williams, another Franco regular, is perfectly cast as Jonathan Harker, though, like his character, is a bit bland. Herbert Lom is only second to Peter Cushing as Van Helsing and Klaus Kinski was pretty much born to be Renfield. He's insane.

Moody, but kind of slow, it's at least worth seeing such an interesting combination of actors under Franco's direction. Interestingly, this is the first film to show Drac as he is in the novel - an older man, growing younger only when he gorges himself with blood. It's also one of Franco's most beautiful films, despite the crushingly low budget.

Honestly, I think I would like this film a lot more if it had another director. I just can't swallow the thought of Franco making a conventional European horror film. So consider that sentiment in with the rest of my review. Check out the cheap DVD that claims to be a "special edition."

CURSE II: THE BITE

2011-06-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

Frederico Prosperi, 1989

Starring: Jill Schoelen, J. Eddie Peck, Jamie Farr, Savina Gersak

Akin to such cinema classics as TREMORS, JAWS 3 and DAY OF THE ANIMALS, CURSE II: THE BITE follows in a great tradition of ridiculous animal-attack movies. If you like these campy, absurd excuses for dumb characters to get mutilated and eviscerated by animals that are somehow wrong in the eyes of God and nature, then you need to acquire a copy of CURSE II ASAP.

Allow me to start off by clarifying that CURSE II has absolutely nothing to do with THE CURSE, though the latter is sort of similarly themed - a meteorite crashes to earth and corrupts the water supply, crops and animals, turning everyone into crazy zombies. In CURSE II, a couple travelling through New Mexico runs afoul of some radioactive snakes. Clark gets bitten and soon his hand transforms into an evil snake, which also changes his personality - for the worse. He becomes abusive and murderous. Lisa, his girlfriend, soon begins to figure out what is going on. Can she save herself and other innocent people from the killer snakes from Hell? Can she save Clark and find a way to reverse the damage? Probably not.

This movie is more wildly entertaining than it has any right to be, with some imaginative effects and disgusting gore. It also has a touch of the mean-spiritedness that graces so many '70s and early '80s slasher films. CURSE II is certainly not for anyone who expects a serious horror film or for anyone who can't suspend their disbelief long enough to get past the concept of radioactive snakes with venom that causes some serious mutations. The characters are vapid and all basically deserve to die, but if you can get to the ending, you're in for a treat. There's also some laughable acting, but who doesn't expect that from a film called CURSE II: THE BITE?

There might not be any motherfucking snakes on any motherfucking planes, but this movie absolutely tops any of the terrible '90s killer snake movies, adding a healthy dose of panache and creativity absolutely lacking in its more popular brethren. ANACONDA, anyone? Check it out. You can find it on a split DVD with THE CURSE from MGM.

THE FUNHOUSE

2011-06-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

Tobe Hooper, 1981

Starring: Elizabeth Berridge, Shawn Carson, Jeanne Austin, Jack McDermott, Cooper Huckabee, Largo Woodruff, Miles Chapin

A truly fun outing from Tobe Hooper, falling smack in the middle of his highly productive and successful period that lasted from the late '70's to the mid-'80's. Full of lovely, imaginative sets, some gory kills, true scares, and very funny moments, FUNHOUSE comes recommended.

Amy goes on a double date to the carnival, despite her parents' warning otherwise. The foursome has a fun night at the fair, but decides to stay overnight and they sneak into the empty funhouse to hide from the carnies while the carnival shuts down. While hiding they witness some truly unsavory things, including a murder, and get themselves into some serious trouble. The carnies are on to them, so they spent the rest of the night running and hiding, trying desperately not to get murdered themselves. Meanwhile, Amy's trickster younger brother has followed them. Can he get help in time?

There's not a lot going on beneath the surface, but why would you expect anything earth shattering from a movie like this? It's pure fun and is a great way to spend an evening with other horror-minded friends, particularly if you include it in a Tobe Hooper marathon. It makes a great double feature with TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2. Both are full of carnival sets, props that double as gruesome murder weapons, and some mean-spirited humor. In some ways FUNHOUSE feels like a dress rehearsal for the funnier, gorier, and weird CHAINSAW 2, but it is still well worth watching.

Check it out.