Wednesday, June 8, 2011


Louis Leterrier, 2010
Starring: Sam Worthington, Mads Mikkelsen, Alexa Davalos, Gemma Arterton, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes

Pretend, for a second, that this is not a remake of a fantastic film many of us watched growing up. Also pretend that bad CGI is not really a big deal. If you can follow me that far, you'll probably be reasonably entertained by Clash of the Titans.

My biggest complaint that I need to address immediately is that there is was absolutely NO NEED for the film to be converted to 3-D. It has no effect whatsoever. Unlike Jaws 3-D or the Muppet Vision 3-D "ride" at MGM, there is no reason for this to be in 3-D. None. You basically pay almost twice the ticket price and wear a pair of stupid glasses for an hour and a half. That's it. I love 3-D and will watch any stupid piece of shit movie if I get to wear them, so I was one of the dopes taken in by this marketing ploy. Was it that hard to convert the whole print to 3-D and not include ANY EFFECTS when you have Medusa, Pegasus, Greek gods, etc??? Really?

Anyway... Sam Worthington, action hero, stars as Perseus, the young adopted son of a fisherman who gets wrapped up in a war with the gods and discovers he is not what he seems. He is really a demigod, the illegitimate son of Zeus and the only "person" who can save Argos and humanity from the wrath of the gods. (OK, the mythology here is also all wrong.) Also keep in mind that the stupid humans brought the war on themselves by declaring independence from the gods and blowing up all the temples and monuments, like a bunch of idiots.

Perseus inadvertently gets taken prisoner after his family is accidentally killed by Hades and is then returned to the kingdom of Argos. The proud, boastful king and queen are inevitably punished by Hades (the fantastic Ralph Fiennes, who sleepwalks through his role), when he declares that they must sacrifice their beloved, beautiful daughter (Alexa Davalos) during the next eclipse if they want to save their kingdom.

They discover that Perseus is a demigod and he eventually agrees to try to save the day with the help of the local legion, headed by a super hunky Mads Mikkelson, who I am a little bit in love with after Casino Royale. The once-human now unfortunately immortal Io (Gemma Arterton, who I wish was hotter) also joins them to give Perseus a plan and some training. They battle a series of monsters to get to Medusa and then THE KRAKEN.

Put a kraken in a movie and I'm unfortunately sold, even if I know it will probably just mean bad CGI. Seriously. Do you know how many times I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest in the theater?

Fighting monsters, soldierly humor, Mads Mikkelsen, Sam Worthington, Ralph Fiennes as Hades, and Liam Neeson as Zeus. It's a reasonably fun time, though of course not nearly as fun as I'd hoped and does not even deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as anything Ray Harryhausen put his stamp on. I wouldn't recommend seeing it in the theater or buying it; rather watch it at home with a bunch of friends, beer, and pizza. I'm assuming that alcohol will probably make you forget about the terrible CGI. It seems like they spent all of the budget on the kraken and the pegasus, so everything else looks like it belongs in Mortal Kombat. Not that I don't love that much (far more than this stupid movie), but that was made in 1995, just to give you some perspective.

Here's the Warner single disc, though it's also out on Blu-ray, which I suspect will just make the bad CGI look that much blisteringly worse.

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